Here's the deal. Before we met, my wife bought a car. (Married 1 yr) She does not know much about cars at all, and bought a car with over 150 K miles on it and spent about twice what it's worth. She borrowed money from her parents for the car, and has not paid much of it back. Since I have known her, collectively we have spent $2k more on parts and repairs. The problem is, she likes the car. It's a total POS, but she likes it anyhow. I am a very straight forward kinda guy, and have told her what I think of the car. I was nice, but she knows my opinion of the whole situation. We live comfortably, but are not wealthy. Bottom line, we need to stop pouring more money into a vehicle that was undependable when it was new and continues to break down. I have a car note on a newer vehicle, and inherited a dependable car when my Mom died earlier this year, so transport is not an issue. How do I talk to her so that she will listen, and not hurt her feelings.
2006-08-21 22:12:45 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think we should sell the car, keep the 2 newer vehicles. We give all of the money from the sale of the car to her folks, and pay the difference. Then later on when we are in a better financial position, we can get her a better vehicle like she wants. I had cancer 2 years ago and the medical bills have depleted my savings and maxed me out so I need to recover from that.
2006-08-21 22:15:16 · update #1
It's not her 1st car. We are both in our early 40's (just had our 1st anniversary 8/7), and she has owned other vehicles. I am a cop and a retired Marine who is still a little gung ho with the way I address things. I'll try to keep it cool. I don't want to hurt her, but this @#$*&^%!!!thing is KILLIN' me.
2006-08-21 23:39:39 · update #2
Just tell her something like "Honey, I know you probably won't like this, but I just need you to be openminded about something I want to suggest. It's only a suggestion" Then tell her exactly what you said in your "add on". It was honest and direct and not hurtful. It says everything it needs to say w/o saying too much or too little. Go on, you got it. You're on the right track.
2006-08-21 22:18:50 · answer #1 · answered by ananswerer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line your wife bought this car herself! She likes the car,
because it was a car she bought. Take her to a car dealer and
tell her, " Have a look at these cars and see which one you like!"
Tell her we are getting rid of your car because we just can no longer fix it. And that she will have to pick one of these out, and we will trade in your car for it. You prob will not get much, but she will be trading up her own car for another, that will also be her own car. Make sure the car is in her name only! Everyone likes their first car. And everyone first car is usualy a pos! It is an identity thing, something she owned before you were together.
It will be hard for her to let go of it. I can sympathize with her,
course some men I have known, have been the same. Just
be nice and tactful, and do not get her back up. And just tell her how you feel. Good Luck!
2006-08-22 06:13:33 · answer #2 · answered by Lilac_lady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IM a guy.
Discuss the issue and say; there is a limit to this car and pass a certain amount, the financial stress to keep this car is too great. Set an amount of how much more you want to spend on the car. Say $1000.00. Once that amount is spent, tell her that the car is not worth it and a new one has to be had.
2006-08-22 05:22:28 · answer #3 · answered by leikevy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I agree with your viewpoint. It doesn't make sense to spend so much money repairing an unreliable car, especially when she bought the car with so many miles on it already. If you two cannot afford to fix it with your own money, try to sell it for whatever you can and use that to pay back her parents. And if there is any excess money, save it for a down payment for a newer car.
2006-08-22 05:27:56 · answer #4 · answered by Shannon A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it really isn't the car, maybe its the fact that she did it before you came along. Perhaps you can suggest she trades it in for something else SHE likes. If you don't pick her new car, but check it out to make sure it is not a lemon, she might go for it. If you own two cars yourself, you could take on of yours along with hers for a better trade. If you explain that financially you cant afford the constant cost of repairs she may try it.
2006-08-26 03:59:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hahaha, women in general are like that. They insist on what they want even if it's not economical or practical. Some of my male friends also have the same predicaments regarding wives wanting so much for an expenses. Just continue to gently persuade your wife, eventually it will soften her heart to listen to your suggestions. Also, don't show her your money or savings so she won't expect that you still have plenty of money and keep reminding her that it's for her future.
But don't also be too hard to her on the aspect of budget coz some women hate that and will think that it's not worth having a husband who can't support her wanting.
2006-08-22 05:38:32 · answer #6 · answered by crystals 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know how a woman is when she finds a comfortable car!! My husband paid one of his workers to go out and crash it!!!!!! And he did!!!!!! And now it's gone.
Not really....but one of his workers borrowed my favorite vehicle and hit a deer, it sucked, but thats what I tease him about because he said the same thing..."we are putting too much into it."
I'm going to do the what men say...and women hear....
He did sit me down and tell me ok....it's costing us to much money to keep on the road....I heard...wow we've put alot of new parts in this, so it's almost like brand new!" It can't be all bad if all the parts are new....
You just have to sit her down and tell her again how you feel. It's hard and we can be stubburn...but thats all you can do.
If she doesn't listen this time, then go unhook something in the engine, throw the mechanic a $50 to tell her it's just not fixable.
2006-08-22 05:30:42 · answer #7 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe she knows that she will never be able to afford one of these cars again and she also knows that you wont be able to purchase one for her any time soon i agree with you but when her car breaks down don't make it easy for her let her sit in her bind to realize her car is a piece of crap,dont fix it right away tell her you guys cant afford it right now tell her you moms car is being worked on youll have to drive her let her See it for what its really worth by the way this sounds like my car brand new and in the shop more than my drive way Mercedes?
2006-08-22 06:16:38 · answer #8 · answered by nicole l 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So put one of your cars in your wifes name so she has one of her own. Then talk her into selling the POS and put the cash back into your savings. It sounds like she just wants a car to call her own is all,simple solution is to just grant her wish and both of you will be happy. Comprimise. That's the answer friend. Good Luck.
2006-08-22 05:33:14 · answer #9 · answered by Shortydeb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the world of women ill do what i want even after truth is staring me right at my face lol my mother is the same way even if i give her logical solution she wont accept and take it do the right thing even if truth stares her at her face.She blew off $14,000 claiming to pay off debts not saving a penny when all along i told her to atleast keep $4000 but she didnt listen they went bankrupt now they are recovering that money slowly.So youll have act on this since she knows everything but wont do anything or doesnt want to do it even if truth is staring at her
2006-08-22 05:20:49 · answer #10 · answered by aabracadabraitsdevina 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋