HELP! Should I leave him?

Question

I have been with my high school sweetheart for almost 15 years. In the past 7 years or so, we have gradually drifted apart. We argue about anything and everything when we're together, and I no longer look forward to spending time with him. In fact, I embrace my solitude nowadays. Our relationship has become a habit, a convenience. There's no longer any passion, not even an easy companionship or stimulating conversation. Over the years, we've both changed without realizing we've become strangers. We're good people...maybe just not good for each other.

I frequently contemplate ending this relationship, but I'm finding it difficult because I still care...for what was, what I had hoped we'd become. I've communicated my feelings many times, but things remain the same. When we spend "quality" time with each other, we end up arguing. I continue to be unhappy. What should I do?

Answer 1

wow that is really tough my opinion is if you really believe in your heart there is no hope at all then yes leave him

Answer 2

It's always hard to end a relationship. Maybe going to the dentist would be easier. 15 years is a long time to just date the same person. Has he not proposed? Were there ever any plans to wed? Do you think he thinks the same way as you? You can wait until things get uglier, and end hating each other.
If you end things now, yes it would be painful at first, but then you would have the opportunity to meet other guys to make friends and date. See what's "out there", and time does heal all pain. And maybe by seeing the 'good, bad and the ugly', then you might just appreciate what you had all along!

Answer 3

Relationships take work, hard work, if you are not married I would say maybe it's time to end it but then who knows you might end up in the same situation 15 years down the road with someone else. It really depends on the both of you if you both want to make it work, there's nothing stopping you. There's no one right perfect person for everyone, sure there could be someone who works better for you but you can't live for what could be. You can't have non stop Romance and Passion that usually exist in the early stages of a relationship, sure it nice at first but relationships progress.

Answer 4

I'm not one to say leave / stay. But you need an honest heart to heart talk. Relationship change and grow as the individuals grow within them and that's the challenge for any relationship to keep the passion and connection in place. All is not lost and I believe that you can get that passion and connection back...it might take some specific actions but it is possible.

This could be an interesting discovery of each other all over again. Remember that it is each person's own responsibility to be happy...only then will you be happy together. Find things to do that you enjoy and that makes you happy. Find ways to rekindle your passion....it will definately be worth the effort... and before you leave know that this is a challenge for any long term relationship...

Answer 5

go talk with a counselor and see if there might be a way to bring the love back to life. But if not then you guys should part and be with other people that make you happy, but make sure you two become the best of friends and share stories about the good times. You don't want to end this with both of you hating each other because that isn't what your love or life together was about. Well best of luck to you hope this helped.

Answer 6

If you're unhappy and just continuing to make one another unhappy, it's probably gotten to be an unhealthy relationship. If you're willing to take the time, there's always couples therapy. If it's nothing but a rut and a habit, it's probably time to move on. Maybe you do just want some time for yourself. The fact that you don't look forward to your time together says a lot against the relationship.

Answer 7

You should talk about sounselling if he isn't up for the idea then he doesn't care anymore. And no matter how hard you should move on. There is no use destroying the rest of your life fighting. I have spent the last 12 years of my life in a deep depression and even though I cant get out I see the truth in things. Even if I can except it for myself. Dont make your self unhappy. There are good guys out there sweetie

Answer 8

I think its normal life is like dat dear. when u first meet somebody the eagerness u have to meet the person slow down when time elapses. u say u still care, i think u have to give urself a break spend some time as u say ur doing Alone and ponder over the situation. Alternatively make a list of things u want and hoped for (believe me it really works) and u'll find urself in a better situation to locate wher u are and wat u want to in the near future. Qutitting after 15yrs i dont think this is the best solution. Now its up to u to decide and best of luck my dear.

Answer 9

I think that if you're unhappy you need to do something about it, you're not doing either of you any favours. Perhaps if he realises that this is a concerning problem he will address the issues and you can work on reacquainting yourselves and falling back in love. Otherwise, it may be time to end it. Good Luck!

Answer 10

try going on holiday or seperation have a little breathing space spend time alone and think this through. if you still feel the same when you come back then i suppose yu could leave but 15 years is a lot to throw away with out a fight but then again your happiness is als important

Answer 11

Even though you have shared your feelings. I dont think you should leave him. What would probably be best is if you both sit down and have a long talk. It also helps to talk about past memorys. What really made you fall in love. If none of this helps theres also marriage consuling.