how do u make your outlook on life not about the past?

Question

I have problems letting people come into my life and not being able to fully trust them because of what i've experienced in the past.

Answer 1

There is a good reason that your past experiences influence your todays. It's called learning from past mistakes. You know the saying "Once burned, twice shy" is pretty true. By shielding yourself against experiences you know might end up being painful, you save yourself from the hurt. This is a natural instinct, and doesn't just occur in humans, but in all animals. While remembering the past when considering the future may save you from some things, it can hurt you in the long run. It may stop you from doing things, meeting people, having relationships, that may have actually been beneficial. What you need to do is remind yourself that this new person is not the person from before. Resist the urge to compare this person with the old person, in a good or bad way. See them as a completely separate individual. Once you get to know them better, open up to them and let him know what's bothering you. Tell him you have trouble trusting because you were hurt in the past, and it may take some time, but you honestly feel you will be able to trust him. Whatever you do, don't take out the animosity you feel for the old person on the new one. This will drive the person away from you. More than anything, know that most people are worth trusting, but still be cautious. Don't give yourself fully to the person until he has proved he is worthy of the unique gift of your wholehearted trust. But don't hold it like ransom, giving it and taking it as you please. You either trust someone, or you don't. There is no inbetween. I think that our past will always affect us, and we shouldn't try to push it out of our minds. All we are is a result of our life experiences, and we should definately learn from these experiences, but know that life is always in a state of constant change. We should also keep in mind that all people are different, and don't deserve a bad rap for what some ****** did to use before. Good luck!

Answer 2

I had a very hard time with the same thing. Mostly in my 20's. I was hurt a lot in my past. I finally am able to trust in my 30's I have a husband who I trust and kids that I love. I try to put the past behind me and live life as happy as I make it. I get down at times still but have to learn to pick my self up dust my self off and start all over again.

Answer 3

It is fine to have developed some strategies to prevent you from getting hurt but pain is a part of life. To enable you to have relationships of any sort you need to be able to trust. How would you feel that everyone you encountered did not trust you, you would perhaps be offended.Past experiences shape us a persons for sure but they do not necessarily shape the whole future we take bits of useful knowledge and chuck the rest. Carrying a big bag from the past is only going to reduce our happiness. You have been hurt in the past, be cautious for sure but don't let it rule your whole life and ruin any happiness in the future. Let your guard down a bit you are an intelligent girl you should know when to draw guns and call any friendship/relationship quits, it is all a part of the learning

Answer 4

No two people are exactly alike. This is important to keep in mind. It does you absolutely no good at all to compare people to others. You'll find faults in everyone. The main focus should always be on the good qualities of the people you meet and not on a comparison of someone else's similarities in fault. If you have a habit of living in the past, then your past will become your future. Remember the past, prepare for the future, and live in the present. This is the only way you'll ever get over being harmed in the past.

Answer 5

It's hard to change your focus from the past to the future. The reality IS however, that what happend in the past is NOT the be-all & end-all of our lifes experience. The times change; YOU are changing, and with those changes come the possibility of forming new relationships INDEPENDENTLY of anything else you've ever experienced. You just have to let the past "go" and give yourself the chance to try something new & see where it goes. Trust YOURSELF- to have the courage to try again. You'll never know unless you try...

Answer 6

You need to leave the past in the past where it belongs. Live in the right here right now. Trust a little, then trust some more. Eventually it will all fall into place. Just remember to leave the past where it belongs, in the past. Look to your bright future. You make your future the way you want so be positive! Good luck.

Answer 7

theres that saying about trusting until someone gives you a reason not to trust them

i personally go off the notion i trust you to do what you do....
you can only trully trust yourself bc you never KNOW anyone.
trust has many different levels...it primarily depends on what place this person has in your life. fully trust them to what? be your friend? be honest with you?
try not to expect (too) much...then you wont be (as) disappointed if they "break:" that trust.
your past is just that your past
if you continue to "live" in it, then you're not living for today & the future. youre letting past experiences be your life. im not saying open up to every damn tom, dick, harry , mary, sue or jane but keep your eyes & ears open.
you cant "convict" every person for the "crimes" people in your past have done...

Answer 8

only you can change your outlook on life, and if you want to stay in the past
then let be it. But from this day on vow to yourself, and know that you can
build new memories and be a stronger person from what you've learned in the past, to go forward one step at a time. And never look back again..

Answer 9

that is impossible to do!! you can't go through life not think about the past because eventually you going to think about what has happened to you. things that happens in the past are there to help us in the future. yeah it sounds corny i know. the mistakes we make in the past are there for us to say, oh when i went down this road....such and such happened. even though something horrible happened to us in the past....doesn't mean we won't benefit from it in the future....all the past is a guide to help us in the future

and don't try to control any emotion. if something bad happens yes try and look at the bright side of things but at the same tI'me it's okay to be sad. yeah it's going to be hard letting people into your life ( i know because im going through the same thing), but its life. and if you don't open up to someone they feel like you are holding back and that you don't trust them. in order to earn trust you have to give trust. but if it's something that you have to question if you can trust that person then don't tell them.

Answer 10

I guess positivity. Always seeing the good not bad. Looking at the glass as half full not empty. Drawing on past experiences as a learning curve. Taking the positive aspect of what you have learned and moving on. Using it as a building block for your character. These experience can be hurful and it does take a while to sort in out in your head.