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I recently started seeing a woman I genuinely enjoy. The thing is, I'm not so sure how to consider her history. She's great, open, honest, fun, grounded.... We're both in our early 40's, but she has not been in a lesbian relationship before, and it's been many years since she's been in any relationship. She's been on anti-depressants for a couple years, had a tough time with the illness for a few years before, and says she's dealt with mild depression most of her life. She was sexually abused by her father when she was quite young. She spent much of her life thinking he screwed her up enough to make her gay and so tried to live straight. She's been in therapy for the last few years, and seems really together now. The attraction's mutual on many levels. Sex is very good. I'm just worried about starting a relationship with someone who's done well professionally but avoided personal relationships for so much of life. Am I setting myself up for heartache?

2006-08-21 17:04:46 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture Cultures & Groups Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender

16 answers

You're in your early 40s. I bet you came with some baggage, too, and so would any other woman. If she told you all this about her past, that means she trusts you. You should also feel honored that she's willing to try breaking through her fear and pushing out of her comfort zone for *you*. Please don't betray that trust. Go slow, proceed cautiously...but you should do that anyway, with anyone.

2006-08-21 17:14:07 · answer #1 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 8 1

Love,I'm 62 and only had one partner. We moved in together after 3 years and a lot of discussion. I can only suggest that you go on quietly. You sound like a caring person and have had a deal of experience in ordinary relationships. Let that be your guide and never be afraid to talk things over.
Gwenneth and I had a great life,even though followed by tragedy. Live, laugh and be happy. Best wishes, Rose P.

2006-08-21 18:30:37 · answer #2 · answered by rose p 7 · 2 0

Does she seem to enjoy you as much as you enjoy her? How confident is she of living a gay life? Will you be able to model healthy dialogue for her and do you think she well be able to return it?

So many of us come with lots of baggage. That does not necessarily stop us from having a good life. It does slow us down at times, though. Can you cope with that?

She may be wanting the stability of a good partner. Communication is vital in a strong relationship. Do you think you could raise some of these concerns with her? Perhaps do it in a general way such as discussing with each other what your hopes for the future are, what they need in a partner, etc.

Good luck.

2006-08-21 17:20:01 · answer #3 · answered by giddhom 2 · 3 1

Yield sign....Being professionally well off you still need to have balance....Many women have be sexually abuse as child and that is a weak excuse about being gay....Hate to tell you therapy helps to a certain point. You really have to work at finding yourself and molding what you find into the person you want to be.....Diamond in the ruff.

Play with an uncontrollable fire can lead into getting burned?

2006-08-21 17:33:47 · answer #4 · answered by KD 2 · 2 1

i think it could go either way, a risk you take in any relationship....i think she is starting to see that she is worth a relationship and that you've both found someone who makes you incredibly happy. she is seeking the help she needs by the sounds of it, and you are being the support she needs and has possibly longed for. you sound like a great couple. i'd hate for either one of you to end up hurt, but for the time being it sounds as though you both really care for eachother and compliment eachother well. cherish the time you have now, as you dont know when it could end.....but don't be afraid to give yourself to her like you've been doing, it could be the best decision you've ever made. good luck!

2006-08-21 18:30:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

U know what sweetie if u r happy now then y let her past bother u? The best thing u can do is put it all behind u and go forward with ur lives, and maybe prepare ur self for the bumps in the roads to come, but don't give up on her. I think you'll be great together! good luck!

2006-08-21 17:30:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3 1

If you are enjoying it now, then keep enjoying it..
no matter how stable or unstable your relationship is, there's always a chance of heart break. If you dont live like it's your last day, you could break your own heart and an otherwise nice relationship. enjoy the moment and make the most of it!

it is better to have loved and lost.. blah blah.. you get where im going..

2006-08-21 17:14:45 · answer #7 · answered by senacia 4 · 2 1

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2016-11-05 08:48:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Speaking as a woman who is a lot like your girlfriend, I would say that she has probably been scared of getting in a relationship due to her past experiences. The fact that she wants to try to be in one with you says a lot about you. It says that you are a good person, and that she feels comfortable enough with you to try and resolve her feelings about relationships and intimacy. I would say to go slow for now, but not to give up just yet. Good luck to you both!!

2006-08-21 17:13:47 · answer #9 · answered by Camille 2 · 4 1

No, I do not think that you are setting yourself up for heartache. I think you two will be happy together, despite her past. Having painful memories can make someone more sensitive and caring about other people. It sounds like you two really like each other, so I think you should be fine. Good luck in your relationship!

2006-08-21 17:13:03 · answer #10 · answered by metalheart19 2 · 3 1

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