well, i am a surrvivor of continues trama, stemed from being sexually abused asa child for years. I feel that I have been spinning out of control; I think my whole life I have made choices based on what others want of me........and or consinquinces due to trauma....I find my self re-married to my ex-husband, and Iam not sure if I made the right chioce or not. I am completly unhappy, and think that making choices for others and not living for me, seems to be catching up with me.....................I am thinking that I may need to leave him so that I can for the first time live on my own, ,,,,,not be in a relationship..i am young........I am 26,,,,,,,we have a daughter that is four...I only been re-married to him for 3 months and feel the same as we did last time..............did i do it for our daughter. i am afraid that if I continue on like this, then I will maybe later in life really break down and really lose it,,,,,,,,,,,help me..what is the best path for my healing................
2006-08-21 16:56:07 · 5 answers · asked by expression 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you are in the same situation as me i felt like i was reading my own question i hope you find the answers as i need if you can e-mail me back to let me know what you figured out.
2006-08-21 17:07:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truly empathize with you dear friend and do hope some others here have some useable answers for you. However, there are not many here that can give you the comforting words you are eliciting with your question.
I believe though ma'am, that the first priority would be your child's safety and protection from what ever traumatic conditions you are negating. All of these events in your current situation will ultimately have an adverse affect on the consciousness of those children within that environment. The first question for yourself should be what exactly are your priorities at this precise moment? Even by the simple act of writing these needs down, you have started on your way to change.
You should also be aware that you are not alone in your struggle to achieve a functional lifestyle for yourself or your family. Sadly to say, there is so much rampart dysfunctionalism within the American family systems that individuals now bluntly and openly are preying on other's lives, emotions, personal resources, monies, and personal assets to gain control of weaker individuals and situations.
The loss of self control and wrong decisions can be and is, directly attributed to the conditioning forced upon you in the stages of your personal growth. It does not mean that it is who YOU really are; it means that you were never given the personal tools or correct teaching to learn from and emulate in your present situation(s) to resolve it.
My first suggestion to you is to step out of the circle. You can not make rational decisions nor life decisions while you remain within that environment which has brought you to this point in your life. What I am saying is that you must step away from the source(s) and take some private time to sort it out alone. This is a must! Not a maybe! In addition, if you desire to resolve the problems strongly enough, you WILL find a way to start the process of change and healing. In either case, self education is the healing process and the only path to be able to find what you truly desire for yourself and your child.
Seeking out professional help, support groups, and possibly church members may be used to obtain information on how you can take appropriate actions for your personal welfare and your child. The objective here being to take control of your own life and be allowed to continue to grow. If talking with your spouse about how you feel and what needs to be resolved in your relationship does not receive the attention it deserves then how much more personal pain and distress are you willing to endure before the conditions turn critical and someone really gets hurt? Deaf ears are exactly that, deaf!
Needless to say, that the path you seek is going to be determined by the decisions you make to resolve your predicament. Many will suggest religion is the way to go and if you are that kind of person you may find some solutions. If you are not religiously inclined then you will still need to seek out other means of finding help. In either case, it is ultimately up to YOU what you want to do. Once you have started on this path though, you must have the personal strength to endure the road ahead. It is not easy, and at your age you will either learn what it is you need to know or you will remain in your present condition while other’s use you until there’s nothing good left.
I wish you luck, peace, and light in your new journey
2006-08-22 01:36:06 · answer #2 · answered by dn_side_umop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, my heart goes out to you. I'm afraid to say that only you know the answers to the questions you asked....it's your life and only you know what needs to be done...we aren't in your situation to help direct you. We can only advise on what you wrote. So, until you figure it out, here's what I want you to do. First take a deep breath and clear your mind. Now close you eyes and picture your ideal...the life you've always wanted. What do you see? How do you feel in that vision? If it feels right, then that's your goal honey. That's where you have to start. Set one little goal at a time, when you accomplish one, move to the next. And I mean little goals...such as getting up, showering and putting on something pretty, take your daughter to the park...just to see her smile, rearrange your closet and clean out the old stuff, cook a fancy dinner at home. (told you they were little goals) These will give you self esteem and help build your confidence, which leads to better decisions and reinforces your game plan. God didn't create the world in one day and you shouldn't expect your life to change in one day. It's going to take baby steps. You've been through alot and you are guarding your heart because you think nobody else will. You can't learn to love life or anyone else if you don't have that love for yourself sweetie. It's time to start allowing yourself that in life. There is nothing wrong with you. Bad things happen to good people all the time, it's just the way things go. It's how we learn to cope with them that defines who we are. And you are somebody...somebody who is going to overcome this....don't you ever stop believing that. One day a time, it's going to get better!
2006-08-22 00:15:29 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sympathies with you. Do yourself another favour. Also post your question at Ask Alice forums to get an excellent answer to this from a professional. http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/
2006-08-22 00:02:39 · answer #4 · answered by Ronaldo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try a bit of alone counsiling, then again as a family.
2006-08-22 00:27:25 · answer #5 · answered by barbaradjt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋