Coming out as a bisexual?

Question

I think it is harder to come out if you're bi. My mother is the greatest person in the world. She completely understands and supports homosexuals. Her favorite elderly uncle is gay also. But she and I have talked about a friend of my brother's who said he was bi first and then gay. She spoke of bisexuality like it was gross. She thought it was irresponsible to be bi, she just didn't understand it. Like both gay and straight people, she didn't believe bisexuality to be a true orientation, just someone messing around and being dangerous. How can I come out as a bisexual to her?

Answer 1

I know how you feel. When I came out to my mom (at age 17) she told me that I was going through a "phase", and that I would grow out of it. Well, 12 years later, still bi!! (Must be a long phase!!)

Explain it to your mom like this. Everything is not always black and white. Most people arent 100 percent gay or 100 percent straight. People are shades...I like to use percentages. Almost every straight person has had "an experience" with homosexuality, and most gay people have had "an experience" with someone of the opposite sex. To believe that there are not people on this earth that can be both is silly. I always tell people that I fall in love with the person first, who they are on the inside, then their gender. Its the person you love, not their gender.

Stay strong sweetie, and good luck!!

Answer 2

I dunno Elphaba...when I first came out I told myself that I was bi because it was a lot easier to say to myself than ' homo'...I've had sex with a few women but not for a long time..I don't consider myself bisexual at all anymore..just gay. I can accept that bisexuality is a valid and positive thing. I mean why would you say that you are bi if you're not? As a male it was a little harder to fake an erection and continue my bi status....but women (in my early thinking) could fake it easier.However, now I have no reason to doubt that you're genuinely bisexual. Why would your mother doubt that you are telling her the truth?--I guess because she doesn't understand,either. Can she understand that sexuality is on a sliding scale..and somehow you ended up in the middle. I mean the whole gay/straight on/off light switch just doesn't cut it for me...maybe she-- if she could see it that way she might come closer to understanding it. Why do I find some men more attractive than others..why are women lower on the 'attracted to sexually scale' for me?...Why are we all inbetween.
LOL I'm on some pretty heavy duty pain killers right now..I broke a tooth today..so if I'm rambling forgive me.

Answer 3

Alot of people, both heterosexual and homosexual think that bi-sexuality is fence sitting. They think bi bisexuals just can't make up their minds, or want the best of both worlds. Humans are simply more comfortable if they can define things in easy to pigeon-hole terms.

As a life long bisexual, I have to say I was born this way. I have loved men, I have loved women.

I love the person, not the genitalia.

If its important for your mom to know this about you, then simply tell her. Its not fair of her to be intolerant. Seek out a bi support group in your area. Good luck.

Answer 4

You're going to have to help her understand that a lot of peole are bisexual. It is possible for someone to not totally be straight or gay, which leaves bisexuality. Try to see if there are books you can get for her to read up on the topic. When she has learned more, tell her.

Answer 5

Genuine bisexuals do get a bad press from people thinking that we are somehow undecided or, worse, hedonistic and adulterous. Seems like your mother has that impression of us.

You can only tell her that your attraction to someONE is independent of their gender; that you are looking for love (and not just a good time) and that you can't help the fact that this is who you are. Acrimony aside, your mother (who loves you) will accept you when she sees how genuine you are - if not immediately following your discussion then, in time, as she watches you living your life.

Very best of Wishes

Answer 6

You are lucky that you mom is open to your to homosexual,she think bisexuality is gross and irresponsible because she thinks one should make her mind of being heterosexual/homosexual.
But,its not an easy choice,you know that but she respect gay because for her,they had made a choice but for bi,seems so greedy and undecisive because they want both.You need prove to her that being a bi also will held responbilities in a relationship,that you will loyal to your partner and would two timing her/him and date another him/her.Because no matter you are straight/not,you are guilty if you cheat,prove to her you won't,be a bi with responbilities and dignity

Answer 7

Personally, I tried the straight thing for too many years. I then identified as lesbian for many years... now I just realized that I'm attracted to whom I'm attracted to and leave it at that.

There is something about loving people for WHO they are, irrespective of physical sex, mental gender or orientation. You can be bisexual and monogamous as well, and the stereotype that we're all wanting one of each or are sluts/gigolos is an outright untruth. Not that there's anything wrong with polygamy, but most bisexual-identified folk wouldn't see themselves as polygamous.

Answer 8

Be true to whom ever you are with at the time. Fidelity is a good thing, but in the end you do have to choose. Most people don't want to share. I'm bi. I love my GF's and they know it. My BF knows and that I am just with him. It is hard, I know.

Answer 9

Let her know that you have no intention of messing around or breaking anyone's heart; it's just that gender is something that's irrelevant to you. Be prepared to answer some stupid or offensive questions. Remember that it's about you, not her, and let her know that, too.