2006-08-21 16:53:00 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Send him to counseling to work out his emotional and/or psychological issues that are causing him to choose this "alternate lifestyle"
2006-08-21 16:59:05 · answer #1 · answered by Susie 6 · 0⤊ 12⤋
First, you are wonderful and a splendid mom for supporting your son and wanting the world to be better for him. We don't know how old he is but we assume he is at least a teen, right?
High school is horrible to begin with but can be a place of physical and mental abuse for a young gay man. If you find that there are people conducting this abuse, meet with the school principal and counselor. Demand the abuse stop. It is their responsibility. Not that it will stop, but make sure you have it on record.
Consider finding a school in the district that offers more creative children a place. Maybe performing arts or other type magnet school would be available. Those can offer diversity without getting slammed.
You may need to go to the ACLU or other legal aid group if the discrimination is bad. These folks have the pull to get some of the worst offenders put away.
PFLAG is a good group. Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays. They can get you to some good counsellors and offer some local solutions.
Your being with your son, in his corner, means the world. He is one lucky dude and he will never forget that.
Best of luck and a big hug for you both.
2006-08-21 17:37:55 · answer #2 · answered by NeoArt 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow, a lot of good support for you from the question -- I applaud the supporters.
Just my opinion ... I don't know what his interests are, but find some groups that have a bit more tolerance for him to involve himself in.
Certainly theater people are pretty easy, for example. On the other hand ... those aweful beasts with their big trucks ... well, let's just hope your boy doesn't enjoy hunting.
If you had a choice ... moving to a larger city would help too. Large cities pretty much ignore people in general ... those small towns can be brutal and mean.
And, if he needs to 'deal' some, look up some facts on homosexuality and learn about how it fits into society and about some of the more famous gay artists/leaders/heros.
2006-08-21 17:46:14 · answer #3 · answered by wrathofkublakhan 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Being gay is one of the hardest lifestyles one can live. You just need to continue to support him in his lifestyle. People are mean and hateful. You might want to get him into a support group to help him handle things better. Somehow he needs to muster up the attitude that he doesent give a crap what other people think of him because no matter what his age, the discrimation will continue! Good luck with it all! Youre an awesome person for supporting your son!
2006-08-25 06:19:42 · answer #4 · answered by Inquisitive1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so impressed that you think enough about your son and his feelings to pose the question that you did. I dealt with the same thing as kid, I skipped school, become withdrawn, and eventually depression set in. After grad school I met the love of my life and EVERYTHING changed - your son has a future, kids a cruel (by nature - little mammals are not cautious OR courteous) but there is a wonderful world out there waiting for him. By you being there for him will pave a wonderful foundation that he will not roam far from you. I want to thank you for being such an example, if my mother was like you.......he'll never forget it...that's for sure.
My BEST.
2006-08-22 13:55:51 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are showing him that you love him no matter who he is or who he lives his life with and that not only do you accept and embrace who he is, you are willing to stand up for him and do whatever it takes so that he doesn't have to suffer. That is to be commended.... well done!
For those "down days", maybe slip a piece of paper in his room with some self-affirming or gay proud quotes on it. Enough to let him know you're there, you do care and that he'll get through this. It might be a way to help him feel better if he's not the sort of person that likes a deep and meaningful conversation. For the religious bigotry, try the quote "You always have to remember - no matter what you are told - that God loves all the flowers, even the wild ones on the side of the highway" or "God did not create homosexuals so that people would have someone to hate". For the rest, maybe something along the lines of "Saying 'ban homosexuality' is as ludicrous and unnatural as saying 'ban butterflies'; the result would be just as dull"... I have those quotes stuck on my wardrobe and they helped me realise that not everyone is against me.
As for discrimination, use the authorities to your advantage. It's what they are there for. Don't be afraid to fight your way up the ladder of command if you aren't impressed with the treatment he's recieved. I know that some places even have a gay and lesbian liason police officer who can help with crimes that are lgbtiq related. If you've fought your way up and have seen no results from it then I'd suggest that you do whatever you can. Contact your local member of parliment etc...
PFLAG will be your best support here. Not only can you connect with others who are in the same situation as yourself but they might know of a glbt youth group in your area. Regardless, call some of the youth centres/drop-in centres in your area and ask them bluntly if they know of any youth support groups that might benefit your son as he is in the process of coming out. Stay away from any groups led by a church.... ick! Some church groups might be decent but they will be the minority.
The obvious applies here on a personal level. Show him that you love him, don't make a big issue out of being gay (whether your view is positive or negative) if he doesn't want you to, respect his privacy that there might be some people who he'll consider high risk to come out to and he might want to delay it....... bottom line is to be there for him and to understand that he'll do it as fast or as slow as he feels the need to. This is one of the biggest(if not THE biggest) things he'll ever do in his life. It takes a lot of bravery, courage, common sense and support.
I hope that the road he travels isn't too bumpy and you don't need my advice in the first place.
Peace out!
2006-08-22 06:50:18 · answer #6 · answered by Mooks 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly ignore the religious homophobes that come to this section. Email me at believeinyou24@yahoo.com if you want some links that at least will give you full understanding of what is going on and a good knowledge of what the professionals say. Then make sure that he knows he can come to you with any and all questions -- and if you have a gay friend your age who can be there for him as a listening ear that he can trust (and that includes trusting the guy not to tell YOU some things) that may help, because he can share what he feels.
I hope it works out.
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
http://www.rebuff.org
2006-08-21 17:31:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
My brother-in-law is gay. When I first met him he was still "hiding in the closet," He told me he was afraid to admit he is gay because he didn't think people would accept him. I told him, "if they don't accept you then they weren't your friends in the first place." He gets a lot of teasing, discrimination (even from authorities), and pure hatred. I told them those are things he just has to deal with living the lifestyle he lives. Tell your son, don't let them bother you. Live your life for what and who you are. It doesn't matter what others think, live your life to make yourself happy not everyone else.
2006-08-21 17:12:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do for your son right now is to be there for him. He really needs you right now rather he tells you that or not. You're the one person who won't judge him and who still accept him as your child. Rejection is a *****, i should know, I just came out last year on my 50th birthday and i'm still dealing with feelings of being rejected for who i am. You might also consider some kind of counseloring for him, it'll help him a great deal to be able to talk to someone who understands. I'm in counseloring also, that's why i suggested it, it's helping me out a lot.
2006-08-22 07:56:52 · answer #9 · answered by ~?~ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd have to suggest PFLAG. They may have some resources for parents in your situation. Most of us have learned to deal with discrimination. It's just a fact of life for us. Having a supportive family helps alot. But the best advice I can give is to teach him to stand up for himself. There's no gay rule that says being gay=push over.
2006-08-21 17:44:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Put him here on Answers. Then he can see just how idiotic the people discriminating against him really are. He'd definitely get support from us also. You're a good mother for supporting him like this.
2006-08-21 17:04:29 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋