My husband and I are married under a year and unfortunately, I have thoughts of divorcing him already. Yes, I?

Question

knew his flaws. He hates cleaning, and parties more than I would like him to yet. I, am need help cleaning the house and despite the fact that the mess and clutter is MINE, he cant see that his help is greatly needed to just get the job done.My health has been poor lately and I just dont have the energy to do it all. Sometimes, I feel I should never have married yet now, I am financially stuck, unable to buy another home. ARGH. Does it get better? I was told the first year can be the worse year. Please, dont preach either. Thanks

Answer 1

Sorry I meant to post this answer from this account! I'm Paola M

You are already married so before you try to get a divorce try to work things out. Go to couples therapy.
The best weapon in marriage is communication. If you were communicating well, you probably wouldn't have asked this question here. This question can best be answered by you. None of us will give you a concrete answer. So, please talk to your husband. Don't start like you are angry with him or as if you are complaining. Just get him when he's in his best moods and talk. Ask him if there is something wrong. tell him you are worried about the relationship .I am sure he loves you. Do everything you can to make him talk to you. Remember, don't push it. and this is my advice, pray. If you've never prayed, this time pray. Ask God to help you because he's the only one who knows every man's thoughts. My husband had cancer and he was taking all kinds of meds for the pain and he was really mean and irritated and he wanted his mom to take care of him and wanted me to stay back. I was really sad and hard, specially because we were newly weds. We went to couples therapy and worked it out, a big part of our problem was his medical situation, we worked through it. All the problems in a marriage only make you guys stronger and brings you closer if you overcome them. Just be patient and tolerate him more and don't just focus on his mistakes, look at how great he is and how much he loves you!

Answer 2

The first year is for sure the hardest. Your both getting use to your new surroundings. It may bother you so much because you may not want to be there at all. If I am wrong on that and you do want to try, then you have to talk to him. The computer can not solve all problems. When it comes to marriage, then communication to your husband is your only hope. I have been living with my boyfriend/husband for a year and I'm always on him about the mess. I have come to realize that he is finally on his own for the first time ever. Let him take advantage of him being in controll of his own life for a change. Do not act like his mom. If you don't like the mess, then clean it. I'm always cleaning and I hate it. He doesn't care right now but why would? He is a guy. He will learn soon, he will grow up soon. If you mother him he will never grow up. That is what he is use to. Live with a mes for a little bit and he will wonder why you are letting it get this way, then the ball is in your court. Tell him to help around. He will learn that it takes two to make a home. If you need anymore detail please e mail me. I know what you are going through. I've been there and made it through. Don't end it. Give it time.

Answer 3

Ok, I won't preach.

It takes a while to get used to each other. You spent time doing all the fun stuff while you were dating and being engaged. Then you got married and that was fun too. Then what?

The attention and fun wears off and you find yourself sitting across from someone you don't know and you are not sure you like.

The only thing I know for sure is that you aren't going to find happiness by running away from the situation.

First of all take some responsibility for your own mess. Pick one thing and finish it completely, then do something else the next day. Its not going any place, but if you try to do it all, you'll just get frustrated and not do anything.

Ask him to help. Don't expect him to read your mind or even see that it needs to be done, if he could do that, he would have done it already. He's a guy, some things just come with the plumbing and you need to get used to it, you'll be alot happier.

You probably shouldn't have gotten married, but you did. So make the best of it until you know for sure that this was a bad match. Don't nag. Give him a reason to stay at home and not party so much. Be his WIFE not his g/f.

If that doesn't work, you're going to need to get a job or two, get your finances in order and call it quits. Good luck.

Answer 4

If you can't afford another house, is there any way you could afford a maid? I'm serious. There are people in this world that just don't clean. It happens. And it could often turn disasterous if someone isn't doing it. I admit, if your health isn't the greatest, he should be helping out. But if the mess is completely yours and he cleans up after himself, then honey, stop being so messy.

And no, the first year of marriage isn't the suppose to be the toughest. It is suppose to be the funest, most loving, almost dreamy type of thing you go through. That's why people call it the "honeymoon phase". I wouldn't count this relationship as over per say, but I would consider some counseling to get you guys back on track before this gets any worse. I wish you luck.

Answer 5

Starting to consider another person, like a husband or wife, in your life after being single is always going to be tough.
Maybe the best thing for you is to sit down with him and explain to him how you feel. Talk to him about your health and the fact that you think he should curb his partying and help you keeping the place tidy. Explain to him that you will do more cleaning and tidying as your health improves. Dont ever assume that he should know or understand how you feel without telling him. Guys pick up on squat, and only respond after being told. Oh, and lastly, check with your doctor about your condition. Ask him to do a blood test to try and determine what is wrong with your health.
Is the first year the worst? If you consider the first year as the year that a lot of ground rules are set for the rest of your married life together, then the only way to go is up. So maybe it is the 'worst' year, but it shouldn't be disasterous. Good luck.

Answer 6

Don't worry about it - things do get better. If you love him and he loves you - then this stuff can be fixed and shouldn't mean the end of your marriage. Remember, marriage is for the good and bad. My husband can drive me crazy sometimes, and I am sure I return the favor. But after 7 years (and we married young at 21 and had NO money) I can say that we are very happy and the good has always outweighed the bad.

But, you need to talk to him. Let him know you would like more help and then ask him what you can do better for him - make this an even thing and don't attack him - men tend to get angry or resentful when you accuse or nag. I know it is hard to fight the urge and they ususally deserve it - but I would rather get my way than just be right. So strike a deal with him about how BOTH of you can do better for each other.

Then, have sex. I know this sounds silly, but it will remind him that even you still love him, desire him and it always helps smooth out the situation.

Answer 7

Well, I remember the first year of my marriage as being the worst. However, it doesn't mean it's all over, it just means that you two have some talking to do. You have to sit down and discuss the fact you need help. Would you have the money to afford a cleaner to come in for an hour or so every week or two to help get some of the heavy stuff done (vacumming, bath tub scrubbing, floors, toilet)? If not, explain that you love him but you can't do all the housework, especially with poor health.

Answer 8

The mess and clutter are yours? Not preaching sweetie, but do you realize how ridiculous and immature that sounds? My philosophy is "don't make a mess, there won't be any mess to clean up." He is partying too much, now that is a problem. I have been married a year and 3 months and it was a very very hard tearful year. Things have improved drastically already into our second year. Stick it out. Learn that you are one person, not two anymore so you BOTH have to adapt to one another. YES it does get better. Clean up your house ONE GOOD TIME and stay committed to not mess it up anymore. Tell him that you don't like his partying and you are look forward to the day it stops. We think of divorce because of its availability, but you made a vow of forever, so let the divorce thoughts stay just that. I hope you stick it out, honey.... and sorry for fussing but you gotta stop making messes and hoarding junk. It will be YOU making your OWN life easier.

Answer 9

Well, I think all wives think about divorcing their husbands atleast once a year but then they do something to make you laugh or something little that reminds you why you married them. One thing I can tell you is that it doesn't get better, if he doesn't clean now he never will and if he likes to party he will continue to party. Like a child, the more you tell him no the more he will do the things you don't want him too.

I was recently going through the same thing myself, and I figured out that making cleaning fun and communicating about EVERYTHING can make life together alot more enjoyable. MEN CANNOT READ OUR MINDS. No matter how much we want them too. A tip from another yahoo member passed to me and now to you : Make cleaning fun by dressing up sexy, like in a french maid outfit, tell him that you need his help cleaning because you just can't WAIT( insert seductive tone here) to get into bed. You will see instant results.

Remember, communication is key to a healthy relationship. Sit down and talk to him, really talk to him about everything that is bothering you. Tell him it's okay that he likes to party, but you would also like to do some things together. Don't forget to listen to what he has to say either.

As a pre-caution in the case your marriage does fail: DO NOT HAVE KIDS FOR ATLEAST FIVE YEARS .. and set up YOUR own personal savings account. This way, if everything goes to sh** you are covered.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Im sorry your in poor health and hope u get better! It is the worst tiime tht first yr.I had a great 1st marriage with no problems but I just married 2 yrs ago and the first yr was the pitts.My friend told me it would be its common.Everyone trys to keep there independence ,do what they want ,live the same as when single ect.Yes its gets better in time u will iron out most of this stuff.Just dont stress and get healthy !