my boyfriend wont marryme he says he will me....................?

Question

in his own time i really want to marry him we have been together 5years and we have no commitments to eachother i suggest things and he never sees them through like joint bank accounts etc we have not even got that after all this time!! what do i do stick it out or dump him and move on??

Answer 1

If he says it, he means it. So get a life, move on. You deserve someone who will care for you and your children. He is to self absorbed, or just in for the sex.

Answer 2

What do you mean stick it out or move on?

Either he is the person you want to commit to for the rest of your life or he isn't and a wedding doesn't change that! If you are thinking about leaving him just because he won't have a 'do' with you then you are not commited to this man or this relationship and I don't blame him for being wary. Do you want him or the paty and the dress? A wedding or a bank account is not a commitment, commitment is in your heart and can be made without either of these.

Answer 3

You can never get angry at things like this. I know that sucks because we all want commitment. You either have to give him time, don't keep mentioning it. You never know if he is trying to plan something like that, but you keep ruining it by bringing it up. The more you bug him, the more it will turn him off of it. Wait it out, it will happen. Have you talked to him about this? If you have and he has told you soon or someday, then trust it and let it happen when it is going to happen. There should be no reason for him to lie about that when it is never going to happen. Why would a guy lie about something that means so much to you? It is not like this is a short relationship. It's been 5 yrs.
Also, why do you want a joint bank account? Keep track of your money and let him keep track of his money. That will come when you do get married.

Answer 4

Well firstly, if he says he will in his own time then he hasn't said no, just wait.

All the people who've tripped out that cliché, "Why buy the cow..." are idiots. It is not human duty to get married. It is an archaic institution which was created by organised religion as yet another way to oppress people. It's also not his duty to share his money with you. If he's stuck with you all this time, why would he be using you for 'no-strings sex' as some bright-spark suggested. Sex in a loving relationship is very different and can only be truly enjoyed when there is genuine feeling and committment. 'No-strings sex' fizzles out after a while, so I would find it very unlikely that at this stage he is using you for sex.

Really you have to ask yourself a lot of questions - apart from this issue is there anything else about him that makes you want to move on? Do you love him, I mean really love him? Are you otherwise happy together?

Then you have to question why it is you want to get married. Do you think everything is going to magically get better after marriage and it will be your 'happily ever after'? Do you want to be part of that club of 'smug marrieds' who act like saying a few words, signing a bit of paper and wearing some jewellery is the world's biggest achievement? Maybe you have friends like this? Are your family pushing the issue? Do you want to live off his income? Do you just want to be princess for a day and wear a pretty dress and have everyone fawning around you? Or is it deeper than that?

If you were truly committed to him, you would take what he says at face value and realise that he has needs too. If he is happy to be with you, live with you and share himself with you and you only, then he IS committed to you, just not in the eyes of the law. Marriage or not, can you see the two of you growing old together, sharing good times and bad, and perhaps creating and nurturing your own family? If you can see all that, and not just 'your special day' standing in front of it, then you really should stick with him.

If it's just a big wedding you're after then I suggest you leave him, rent Muriel's Wedding from Blockbuster and follow her example. But what makes you think that you'll find someone else who will want to get married to you, especially if you constantly give off the "I wanna get married!" vibe?

But if you truly love him, then you would stick with him and just enjoy being with him.

Answer 5

Theres an old saying " Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free?" Obviously you can't see that he's not respectful to your wishes and doesn't give a rip how you feel. Do you really want to deal with that for the rest of your life ? You've been with him for five yrs and thats going to always be that way. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. He's very comfortable the way things are. Move on and find someone that wants the same in life. Your wasting your time.

Answer 6

He's halfway gone already. If you leave him that makes you available for the real love of your life. The bible says "He that finds a wife finds a GOOD THING." A pastor I once heard says there is a good man looking for you but that jerk is blocking his vision. Move him out of the way and get found, girl! Your God given desire to be a wife is real. Your boyfriend is NOT. And don't listen to him when he starts acting right 2 weeks after he doesn't have you anymore. DO NOT. I learned this lesson after almost 8 years of similar crap. Now I have the best guy in the world and am extremely happy. He knew I was his wife on our first date. None of that OWN TIME b.s. I wish the same for you, you sound responsible and sweet. Go for it!

Answer 7

i've been with my bf and i've asked him to marry me too. he's shy and we've agreed we'll get married abroad in privacy but he doesn't want to do if for about 10 years! at the end of the day, all marrage is, is a ring and a bit of paper.

we love each other deeply and have no commitment to each other beside living together in my house. he has offered to buy into my house but i won't let him so you could say that i won't commit there.

we don't have a joint bank account as we don't need one. i'm very independant and i don't to take more than i earn so i like it seperate.

talk to your bf how you feel. he's been with you for 5 years, that's a bit commitment in itself.

Answer 8

if u love him enough to wanna marry the guy u should stick with it..maybe he's like my bloke and just doesn't get around to things..if he just needs to do it in his own time,let him..he obviously has his reasons etc. don't put the pressure on too much..you'll only scare the poor li'l lamb and the fact that you're still together after this long is a commitment in itself i reckon.. it'll happen for u mate.just hang in there..and best of luck when it does happen..remember,when u get married,you're pretty much stuck with the ole git! lol

Answer 9

He clearly doesn't want commitment. I would move on if I were you. On the other hand he might just have an issue with commitment, he can love you but still have an issue with that. Go to couples therapy, and work it out. If hes not willing to go then he clearly is not one you want to keep. You want a guy that is willing to work through the problems. Nobody is perfect, but someone who is willing to negotiate and learn from his mistakes and willing to nurture the relationship is a keeper!

Answer 10

Lets face it, he has no need to buy the cow when he's getting the milk free, has he!!! Why should he marry you when he gets everything he wants and your'e hanging around to indulge his every whim?? He is onto a good thing, and wants it to stay that way so that when he meets somebody else he can go off with her without all the messy sh*t of a divorce. Dump him; your'e being USED.

Answer 11

wow. after 5 years and he still doesnt want to commit to you he has a serious issue. ive been with my boyfriend now for over a year and i told him i wanted 10 years from him and that he had to buy me a ring but that we didnt have to get married....just commited to each other for the next 10 years.
I would move on in your case.