Who has the best and funniest excuse ...?

Question

for calling out of work? Funniest gets best answer.

Answer 1

"my dog is having kittens"



HAHA

Answer 2

"I wear days of the week underpants, and I lost Monday." (Awesome weekend, then! ;-)

A *former* co-worker of mine once called in with, "Yeah, I can't come in. I'm really hung over. I did, like, 18 shots last night..."

Answer 3

I was sleep walking and accidentally left the country.

Answer 4

squeeze ketchup packets all over your office chair, then frantically telling the boss you were early this time of the month, and don't have tampons.

Answer 5

So no shyte, there I was, meandering innocently down the highway when all of a sudden this rabid wombat just jazz-steps out right in front of my pimp ride! Being the humanitarian hippie that I am, I slammed on the breaks just in time to narrowly avoid transforming the clearly flamboyant miracle of Christ into a sticky street pizza. Taking notice of my swift actions, the wombat in question prances gracefully up to my window and extends an ice cold can of Guinness in the name of gratitude. I politely explain that, as I am on my way to the office, I simply cannot accept his gift. This clearly offends the wombat, and with great malice in his voice, he proclaims that I shall rue the day I was so inconsiderate to an innocent dancing wombat. I continue on my way to work when out of nowhere, this 450 lb. chocolate bar comes crashing down on the hood of my car. As I had skipped my coffee this morning, I thought a quick sugar buzz could do me some good. (I always try to maintain peak performance while on the job.) I get out of my car, and just as I am parting my jaws in anticipation of the delectible sweet, a bookmobile completely blind-sides my vehicle from the other side, sending me and the chocolate bar flying into the corn field off the side of the road. I believe I passed out. As I slowly begin to regain conciousness, I noticed that the sun had partially melted the chocolate bar and I was now candy coated. As luck would have it, this lovely blond lady rows by in this lavishly decorated neon green canoe. She threw me a life preserver that she fashioned out of corn silk and cow manure. Greatful, as I would hate to meet my demise drowned in a corn field, I accepted. She gave me a lift back to the side of the highway, and all she asked in return was that I relinquish the remains of my enormous chocolate bar, as she was suffering from a severe case of PMS. Upon returning to the flaming pile of rubble that was once my beloved automobile and the surrounding charred remains of many great works of literature, I saw a small envelope lying on the ground about 4 feet away from the wreckage. I picked up the envelope, and inside I found an ornate invitation to this years "Annual Wombat Pride Ball and Drag Show". Being a devout fan of gay wombats, I decided that I couldn't possibly miss it. Then I realized that the event would be taking place at the exact same time I was supposed to be attending a very important meeting for work. Having the unwavering work ethic that I do, I resigned myself to the fact that I was simply not meant to mingle with the wombats. Had the wombat that I had earlier offended not spun about and left in such a huff, he probably would not have dropped the invitation, leaving me to ultimately get my hopes dashed. (If I had just run over the little bloke in the first place, the invitation may have been rendered illegible and consequently, I would have remained blissfully ignorant. Then, however, I would owe a karmic debt to a jolly but vengeful wombat and that would have been no good at all.) I sighed and realized that next time I was on my way to work, if I'm going to bother swerving to miss such a fabulous animal, then I should, at the very least, have the courtesy to accept his libations. Lesson learned. So, I apologizee for my absence today but my car is demolished, I'm covered in chocolate and I am very depressed about the Wombat Ball, not to mention my exhaustion from nearly drowning in a corn field. But rest assured, you have my word that next time a flamboyant wombat jazz-steps out in front of my vehicle and I swerve to miss him, I will definitely drink his beer. I may show up to work a little buzzed, but at least I will be there. right?

Answer 6

I finished my homework, but I flushed it in the toilet. You'll get it eventually.

Answer 7

My wife put super glue on the toilet seat.

Answer 8

im calling out cuz.....um.....(whispers to someone in the background) what was it again??? oh yea!! my brothers girlfriends cousins....

Answer 9

i was chasing llamas throug the woods in our backyard.....