Someone Correct this:?

Question

As I make my transition to Kent State University, I can learn from Cedric’s experiences in “A hope in the Unseen,” by way of the necessity of working hard.

Does the necessity part sound correct?

Answer 1

I don't think it flows with the use of two propositions (i.e., of). The best way to communicate any complex idea is through the choice of simple language. Perhaps, it should just read:

"...by way of working hard". 'Thesaurus' either "working" or "hard" if your intention is sound a little ornate, but do keep it simple.

Answer 2

As I make my transition to Kent State University, I can learn from Cedric’s experiences in “A hope in the Unseen,” proving the necessity of persevering(sp) and working hard.

Answer 3

It doesn't roll of the tongue very well does it? Try it this way.

Just as Cedric's experiences in "A hope in the Unseen", I, too, can learn the way of the necessity of working hard while I make my transfer to Kent State University.