I have been married for just over a year. A few months after getting married, my husband and I moved to another state for my grad school program (leaving all of our friends and family behind). We plan to move back when school is finished (in December).
I have adjusted well to the move, making some great friends and enjoying school and other hobbies. My husband is MISERABLE here - he hates his temporary job, hasn't made any really good friends, and just misses home.
Our marriage is great - we are happy together; he's just not happy here, even though he knows it's only temporary (and it was our plan long before we got married to temporarily move here). How can I help him be more comfortable and happy here for our last few months?
2006-08-21 15:05:33 · 17 answers · asked by moondancer629 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I read what this other person wrote, and I would like to add onto it a bit: the other helper bee writes...
#1 start the countdown. Men are goal oriented and knowng that the move back home is only 5 months away will help.
#2 Get a hobby going together. Preferably something he (and you) will enjoy doing together.
#3 Just spend more time with him, do some sightseeing in the area, find a quaint bed & breakfast, or some unique destination in the area you now live.
I agree with the countdown...get a large desk size office Depot generic calendar and make it a fun thing to cross off each day as it passes....and on that same calendar---might you all have time for some Salsa Dance Lesons, or a cooking class somewhere for the Saturday mornings--that is the hobby aspect, and if you are making friends, and he is not,, then he's clearly depending on yOU for his social outlet...if you can afford to do some research to see if something interesting (to him) is in the area to go see or to do..then, yes his motivation to be happier there may shift--but the #1 deal maker in MY BOOK OF MAGIC...is constant and sincere PRAISE FOR HIS WILLINGNESS TO HELP MAKE YOUR DREAMS AND GOALS COME TRUE!! This has been a sacrifice on his part, sure, but do you realize in yourself what a sacrifice it is on YOURS to be also willing to put in for the EXTRA degree ?? I am assuming that you are motivated to do this for the purpose of making yourself more marketable in the field of your study--therefore making more money than you might have had you not had the degree...so what you are both doing is something that is contributing to the GREATER GOOD OF YOUR COMBINED FUTURES!!!!
I GET IT , BIGTIME, AND I AM PROUD OF YOU,
EVEN THOUGH HE SOUNDS A BIT LIKE A SPOILED BABY!!!!
You can make a joke out of it, and laugh, and give him a
real GOLD star on that calendar for making it through another day...and if you have any energy left---well, you pick the dessert!
Good Luck and Good for YOU!
2006-08-21 19:36:41 · answer #1 · answered by susieque 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Plan a romantic night either at home or out what ever you can afford, then tell him how much you appreciate the sacrafices he has made. As you have settled and he has not he may feel that this move is long term As that was not the original agreement you need to confirm this. He has supported you now it is your turn to support him thru this stage in your lives. Communication is the key here as your behaviour is indicating that you are settled here and he may feel threatened by that. Take him out to meet your new friends etc. As it is August already start talking about home so he knows that it is def on your agenda. Ask him is there anything he would like to do etc a hobby or course etc so you can now support him in his plans
2006-08-21 23:19:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old is your husband?This may sound cold but he needs to grow up. Marriage is about love and sacrifice.There is an end point, December.Yes, I think all, no not all, the suggestions about spending time with him etc, are good. But this should be about supporting you too. You are doing grad work, which I`m sure takes alot of time.You both will be so much better off in the future because of your schooling. Is it that he`s lonely or jealous? What is his educational background? Just keep telling him u love him for what he`s doing.You may be doing the same for him soon.
2006-08-21 22:28:19 · answer #3 · answered by Mary B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 start the countdown. Men are goal oriented and knowng that the move back home is only 5 months away will help. #2 Get a hobby going together. Preferably something he (and you) will enjoy doing together. #3 Just spend more time with him, do some sightseeing in the area, find a quaint bed & breakfast, or some unique destination in the area you now live.
2006-08-21 22:19:51 · answer #4 · answered by bergman2035 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Make him his favorite dishes and have candles lit. Talk to him. Tell him that you feel his pain and it is for a couple more months. Let him know that you are sad that he is missing his family and friends and when you are done school you will move back right away. He just needs you right now so spend time with him. Remember you both went there knowing it was for a short time. Also remember that you are going to miss your new friends but you have him for life. Good luck.
2006-08-21 22:28:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs your support right now. Spend as much time with him as you can. Please ask him along even if the girls are going out! He needs to be mixing with people and getting out of the house. You have a good man. He is willing to go through this for you. You need to make sure he knows how important he is in your life by putting him first when you can.
2006-08-21 22:14:58 · answer #6 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
December is close by . This is a chance for him to suck it up and do this. With email and cell phone, he can stay in touch with old friends.
He needs to grow up here and support his wife for going to school . This is a small thing for him to go thru. Is he mature enought to do it ?
He can join men' s fraternity - it is nationwide, and it's about family and manhood
check it out
2006-08-21 22:19:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
maybe you can introduce him some of your friends boyfriends. bring him into your circle of friends so that he isnt feeling left out. also, you might make it a point to go and do some sightseeing together. involve him more!! december isnt that far away! maybe you can invite a friend of his from home to come and visit for the weekend.. just a thought .. hope this helps..
2006-08-21 22:48:49 · answer #8 · answered by sylonthego 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get him involved with a hobby or a sport. I am sure he will meet some new people that share the same interests.
2006-08-21 22:14:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe pay more attention to him, go for a walks, do something else instead of TV, make him feel important, be his friend that he needs.
2006-08-21 22:22:01 · answer #10 · answered by Tatyana 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋