Can someone help give me some pointers in writing my 29 year old son a personal letter of apology.?

Question

My heart is breaking. He walked out of my life after I divorced his dad two years ago. He will not let me have any contact with my 3 year old grandaughter as well. He says that he will not allow his daughter to be confused and be around divorce. I have tried everything to make amends with him. I need to know what to say and how to sayu it as what I have said thus far is to no avail I love my son and grandaughter so much it is killing me that I can't be a part of their lives. He says that I never did anything for him growing up. It has been worse than death for me. I have even reconciled with his father to try to make amends but he still excludes me saying" It's just a matter of time; and you will leave again." He was a happy child growing up. I just don;t understand. I would lay down my life for either of them if I could just have them in my life for one more day.

Answer 1

I will give this my best shot.
I hope it helps---I can feel your pain from here. ~ Susanne

Dear Son.
The first thing I want you to know is: if I died tomorrow, you have been the greatest joy of my life! I have never had a moment that I've regretted having you--you have been my greatest gift.

The second thing I want you to know is this: I'm not perfect!
Being a mother and a spouse are the TWO biggest jobs a woman can have--and neither one of them come with a direction book or manual!
I have done every single motherly and wifely thing in all my years based on what I know. It will likely look to you from the outside looking in at my heart and mind, that perhaps I did not know enough, and you may be right. Maybe I did not always say the right thing or make the best choice. But what I did do,
I did based on what I knew at the time.
That is all any parent can do.
That is all any spouse can do.
I'm unable to go back and relive any single
moment that I'd wish to change.
Life gives no opportunity for "do overs".
It 's not a dress rehearsal.
We go on at the first act and keep on til the curtain falls.
Then--well, then we are hopefully in heaven and on to bigger and better things--and the only way I will get there is by the Grace of God. Just like any one of the other imperfect humans He put on this earth.
I know now , I have HIS forgiveness.

All I can ask of you , is for you to forgive me for any of the ways that my choices have offended you in any way ,shape or form.
I can bow no lower than that.

Please know you have my heart, and my promise that I will always do my very best, such as it is,
to be the loving mother that you desire.
Please call me and let's figure out how to perpetuate
this love in our family?

I know we can do it.
I just need you to meet me half way.
I loved you then, and I love you still,
and I always will.
Love.
Mom

Answer 2

Hmm sounds as tho he is manipulating you to some extent. Was/is his father like this. Did the relationship break up several times between you and his father over the years.? Surely if not then he is not feeling the abandonment that often occurs when parents divorce when kids are young. I think there is more too it but any way honesty can only be the best way. Tell him you love him that this love has and always will be unconditional regardless of any wrong doings or bad decisions from him (we all go there) you have loved him. Tell him you have many roles and that involves a wife mother grandmother and individual who deserves respect etc like he does. Let him no that like him there is no guarantee of the journey in life he will take. Ask for forgiveness and ask to see your grandchild she must be confused too as why she does not see her grandma. Send birthday cards etc to your grand daughter there is no guarantee she will receive them but give it a go at least you know in your heart you have tried. Another option is to get your husband to advocate on your behalf after all he has a right to his grandchild as well. If you live in the same area attend school functions etc there is nothing to prohibit your attendance. Good luck

Answer 3

I think lvb is a retard, she didn't even read the question. SMACK her!

Okay, I think you are giving too much attention to this. GET A LIFE! My 8 year old says "I hate you MOM..." I say..."Whatever, you're still grounded". It doesn't hurt me, I know he's just pi$$ed off. If you really gave everything to your son and really did everything for your son, and he's taking this divorce like this, he's a wet diaper and needs to learn that in life there are changes and people change.

He is only causing detriment to his own child. She will grow up and learn how to disown him. He will reap that bitter crop he had sown...in all his piusness.

In the meantime, get a hobby and a life. Adopt a child, or be a foster mom, there are LOADS of kids just starved for that kind of attention.

Answer 4

It sounds like you have done just about everything that you can do from your end. Your son might consider a letter intrusive and he just wants to be left alone. He is speaking from hurt and he needs time and space to work this out in his own mind. If he's still speaking to your husband, have him let your son know that you are giving him space but he is always welcome to come to you and that the door will always be open.

He feels like you've betrayed his trust and he's waiting to see if he can ever trust you again. Unfortunately, the only way to prove that takes time. Good luck with your son. I hope things come around in time.

(P.S. Your other option is prayer. God can make a difference in ways that you can't even dream about. I'll be praying for you even if you decide not to take that route.)

Answer 5

Being a child of divorce where my mother wasnt around very much let me give you some insight into what he is feeling and why he is feeling it. He is still that child that was left when you left. He still is thinking with that childs brain and without knowing it he is reliving that pain in his life. Everytime he sees you he remembers how he felt everytime someone said they did something special with their mom or he saw his friends with their moms. I truly think that as far as you go he has never grown up. He is just thinking that he has to protect his child from that same hurt and pain and he is not thinking that he could be causing more pain than just letting you be there. When my mom left I mean she left. It wasnt until about 2 years later that she tried to get back into our lives and even then she wasnt around much. My sister and I used to wait outside on the weekends that we were supposed to go with her with all of our stuff packed for hours until our stepmom would finally make us come in and tell us that she wasnt coming. I swore then that I would never do that to my children nor would I allow her to do that again. Now as a mother myself my mother has tried to come in and out of our lives and I cannot allow this. But i wasnt this harsh. I told her that she either had to be in our lives or out of our lives and she chose out. Give your son time and distance. You can write him a letter but do not expect it to be much good. He wont listen as long as that lonely hurt little boy is still there. I am sorry but nothing that you can do will change him. Sorry again but until he is ready to grow up and face the facts nothing is going to change.

Answer 6

There is a guy where I work and he is a real jerk. The same happened to him and after about 2 years he and his mother are getting along fine. If this guy (which is a jerk) came around in a couple of years. I would assume your son could not be as a big of a jerk as this guy. Your son should come around quicker. Did I mention that this guy at work is a JERK? Good luck Mom

Answer 7

First apoligize, with the best of intentions and then remind him that he is responsilbe for your granddaughter's emotional develolpment. Sounds like he is very judgemental and unforgiving in his treatment of you, how will he be to her and the expectations of a 3 year old. Is your son married? What kind of loving supportive husband is he and what kind of woman is she? Tell him what goes around comes around and the apple don't fall far from the tree. This sounds cold but he needs a reality check.

Answer 8

Afterv 27 yrs of marriage after 35 yrs of marriage sometimes people do say goodbye........that's something that your son will have to grow and understand. It sounds like you did a phenominal job raising him......he now has to grow up and take advantage of the time that you guys have left.

None of us are promised tomorrow, were not even promised the next hour........

Answer 9

A letter won't help. You hurt him, and even though you didn't mean to, he still feels hurt. The only you can do is give him time. He will come to forgive you in time, or he won't. But you can not force him to forgive you.

Answer 10

put some boundaries up. Losing relationship with a child is tough, but it if life.
Develop a relationship with friends, and with
God .