Would you tell them? i decided not to, because i didn't want to cause them the pain of knowing something that bad had happened to their daughter, but if I think about it, if I had a daughter I would want to know so that I could be there for her..I'm confused and unsure..I know how awful it would feel for them, but at the same time, I feel almost dishonest in that I'm carrying the burden of a dreadful thing and it's like a secret. i truly, truly don't know what to do. it was such a terrible thing that I could imagine it was haunt my poor mother to her grave....BUT at the same time she is the strongest most wonderful mother a girl could ever wish for..I really really don't know what to do.
I was kidnapped and raped when I went travelling, and I was in such fear of my life, and possible repurcussions after I got home (knowing they had contacts in this country) that I couldn't say anything immediately after it happened. Time went on and it became harder and harder to
2006-08-21 13:30:08 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
decision of whether I should tell her. My life is good now, but this incident still (i think understandably) haunts me, and I can't help but think, if it were my daughter, I would want to know. But that's my opinion and feeling, that of the same person who didn't want to tell for fear of inflicting that hurt in the person she loves the most. I can't be objective about this, but i can anonymously ask your opinion, and I hope you can help me.
2006-08-21 13:30:29 · update #1
This is indeed a difficult situation, and let me start by saying - as I am sure every other answer to this will also do - that I am very sorry to hear that this happened to you.
The tone of your question suggests that you might blame yourself for the situation you are in, and this is not uncommon in rape victims. Before I say anything further, therefore, please remember that NOTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED IS YOUR FAULT.
As to whether or not you should tell your parents, this is a difficult one to answer. I'm guessing that (from your description of your parents) you probably should.
If you cannot bring yourself to tell your parents straight away then find a rape counsellor or a psychologist (or similarly trained professional - or a priest/rabbi/other if you are religious) and tell them first. They will then be able to use their expertise to find the optimum time for you to unburden yourself to others. Actually it's probably best to start with the counsellor first - although if you do tell your parents first chances are that this will be the first thing they recommend that you do.
After all you must tell someone. I'll repeat that.
YOU MUST TELL SOMEONE.
Bottling it up inside yourself for all this time has clearly not helped, as it never does. In order for you to move on and lead anything like normal life again you will have to unburden this. Remember it isn't your fault and so you shouldn't be punnished for it for the rest of your life.
But seriously, don't just take that from me - I'm nothing but a well-meaning amateur - get the help of a professional rape counsellor/psychologist and do it soon (your familly doctor/GP will have a list of all those that operate in your area).
2006-08-21 13:49:05 · answer #1 · answered by a1mandrake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so very, very sorry for that horrible incident. You must be a very brave and strong individual and should be proud that you survived. If you were my daughter, I would want to know. I would want to take you in my arms and hold you and tell you how much you mean to me and that you have nothing to fear now. Since so much time has gone by, it will be hard to tell your mom. But why not go out to lunch with her someday and just feel the situation out. If she's older and less stable, maybe leave it be. But as you describe things it sounds like your mom can handle the truth. And the truth always sets people free.
2006-08-21 13:39:52 · answer #2 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What in the world is wrong with you?You were kidnapped and raped and didn't tell anyone?Least of all your mother who is "the strongest most wonderful mother a girl could ever wish for"? Are you dense? I'm sorry that this happened to you but for crying out loud, use your head. Tell your mother, be honest, and then tell the police. Believe me, she'll be glad you told her yourself than finding out from someone else. And YOU'LL feel better for not having to carry this around by yourself.
2006-08-21 13:37:21 · answer #3 · answered by Sullivan Smith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not tell your mother or father, they would not understand, and I assume they are oldish and it would distress them. Instead, you seem to have dealt with it just by typing it on the internet. It is not your secret, it is not your guilt, it is not your worry, it happens to thousands of people and maybe you should try to get in touch with similar folks. I have never had that happen, but I have kept things from my parents. Not for their feelings, but for my own. Just do not want their opinion!!! Make it your own way. And, when you have that daughter. Drag all the truth from her, she will hate you. Leave be. You manage. Let it go. Your family are impotant to you, but obviously not important in the way you are implying the contacts are. Leave it. Get health checks. Look after yourself. It is not your fault. You should have no guilt. Just think. You are protecting your loved ones from a hell you encountered. You are a star.
2006-08-21 16:08:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I would think that you should tell them... If nothing else, the way you are talking about it sounds that you feel extreemly guilty that they do not know about this, and this does not help with the healing process. Now, granted it would take a lot of counceling and therapy to fully get off of this situation, but still... If you could talk to her then there may be a chance that you would make it that much better to cope with this awfull situation. I hope that you find the strength to do what you feel is needed to be done, but if you trust her, I would tell her...and she will be there for you.
2006-08-21 13:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by Rob D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mum hun, I'm a mum and I would want to know if one of my kids went through something like this. I had something awful happen to me too, years ago, didn't tell anyone and I'm still not over it! That was 16 years ago, and I wish I had told my mum..well..somone really, I'm sure I would have laid those ghosts to rest if I had . Please do it for your sake, mums know how to make things better. Yes, it will be hard for her, but she will love you more for turning to her in a crisis. Afterall...as a kid, wasn't it mum you went running to when you were hurt ? What's changed...you're still her " baby ", always will be. Speak to someone though , it won't go away if you ignore it, I should know. All the best x
2006-08-25 00:40:06 · answer #6 · answered by Paris69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This makes me very angry, not with you, but with the people who committed this dispicable crime and are now walking around free to do it to another young person.
You have had a terrible injustice done to you, and you must....and i mean *must* tell somebody that this happened to you. You may feel shame, fear and guilt and this will cause you to be apprehensive about talking to your parents but I feel that what you have gone through is more than any one human being is equipped to mentally cope with. You will break down at some point unless you tell.
If you can't bear to speak to your parents at this point please call
this rape helpline (USA) 1-800-656-HOPE
for the UK there are a few places that can help you
Childline- 0800 1111
Rape/Indecent Assault Crisis Counselling-0800 735 0567
http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
http://www.survivorsuk.co.uk/
please please please talk to somebody, these lines are free and confidential and have people on the other end of them who make it their business to help you.
S
x
2006-08-21 21:40:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh My--- You should deffinently tell your parents, so maybe you can find the guy that did this to you and get him arrested!!!Or so you can get theropy! Don't feel ashaimed of what happened it is not your fault!!!!I'm veryy sorry that , such a terrible thing happened to you!!! Ps. Your parents will not be mad at you!!!
2006-08-21 13:42:25 · answer #8 · answered by Beccaboo92 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear about your situationbut I think you should tell your mom. No mother would ever want to know that there child is keeping something like that from them. Dont be scared be brave. I know your mom would tell you want to do, she is there for you and she loves you who ever did that to you need to be put under the jail!!! Under it, and believe me If your mom was anythin like me thats where they will be if you tell them. May heart goes out to you. Please consider telling her she will also help you with your pain. Good luck.
2006-08-21 14:23:23 · answer #9 · answered by Robyn D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them they will give you support sorry to hear this happened to you
the good thing is you posted on here and others will read.
you might have saved someone that read your post as they might not have to go through the same thing.
a few people on here should be thankful for the warning about travelling.
as for the contacts over here how did you find out about that
2006-08-21 13:42:58 · answer #10 · answered by raz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋