I had an affair with co-worker and had great sex with her, now it's over and i'm displeased with sex with my wife..not open or comfortable enough to tell my wife what i really like in bed ;; whereas with the affair it was open and hot.
2006-08-21 11:24:53 · 49 answers · asked by Krispy K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No advice really, just wanted to say I'm in the same situation, and can't really see a way out. Hope you find happiness.
2006-08-21 11:29:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Not everyone will end up married to the most incredible lover ever... I think, most people's sex lives are fairly mediocre. Affairs are hot because they don't last very long... Try sustaining an affair for years and years.
Don't resent your wife just because you had better sex with someone else. You guys got married for a reason - is there something you still cherish in your marriage? Perhaps you'll just have to accept that you will never have an explosive sex life with your wife, and focus on the things that keep your marriage going. Is it really true that there's absolutely no way for more open communication re. the sexual issues? There are some things that could never change, but others can be improved. If there's no communication between the partners, more than just sex will suffer; perhaps there's a way to get these channels of communication going gradually.
2006-08-21 11:41:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what your saying is you feel more comfortable with your co-worker than your wife. Why do you think that is?
Could it have anything to do with communication?
Why in the world are you not open or comfortable enough with your wife?
Do you think she will laugh at you or tell you no?
If your sex life with your wife is bad it could be because you are not telling her how you feel.
If you continue the affair or have more go directly to a mirror and say to yourself, what the hell am I doing? Go talk to you wife. Find out why you are afraid of her. Even if you don't love her you owe her honesty.
And ask yourself why you just told the whole world about this and the only person who doesn't know is the one you promised to love and cherish till death do you part.
2006-08-21 11:44:07 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
most people run into this situation during their life.Humans have a strong sex drive but they often marry young and then find out during their life what they really like.
Well.
From my own experience I see two options:
1. If it is only the sex which you think could be better in your marriage and you see a lot of other reasons to stay with your wife (love, children, many mutual interests, same wavelength and so on) then it is worth investing into a counsellor. A sex/family counsellor.
You may be surprised - perhaps your wife also has sexual fantasies and wants to do things you don't dare talking about with her.
With a third neutral person who is trained on monitoring and facilitating such conversations those things can be discussed easier.
And they help. They really change some behaviors so you both could develop you sex life together to a lot of fun.
2. The other option is: You anyways have not interest in your wife, maybe you are too different in many aspects not just sex. Perhaps you don't have children yet either.
In this case it might be better to be honest (honest to yourself first! And then to your wife) and suggest divorce. Better separate/divorce now than later - when already too many negative feelings on both sides have built up.
Both are not easy....but you have to chose and take action. It's not fair to your wife (and your future life) to just sit and do nothing. Better take charge and responsiblity.
2006-08-21 11:42:17 · answer #4 · answered by spaceskating_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are obviously not happy with your wife and if you can't tell her what you like in bed, you're not open with her, and if you cant be open with her you shouldn't be with her. I am not here to question you on your adultery however I am here to tell you an honest open answer. You need to tell your wife that you are not happy with the relationship because all passion has faded and that you had an affair. The two of you obviously need either a divorce or a long break if all passion is gone to the point where you are cheating.
It is going to hurt your wife but it is best to be honest instead of strining her along.
Best Wishes.
2006-08-21 11:32:57 · answer #5 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No 'best wishes' for a cheater. In an affair, you have nothing to loose, no power or money to loose. But you lost your wife's respect and trust and that is a horrible thing to have missing in a marriage. You and your wife need real help. Don't confuse things at this time by having affairs. Get your life in order one way or the other. Do this for yourself and your wife. She deserves some honesty.
2006-08-21 11:38:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you ask as if the entire problem is that since your hot and steamy affair, you feel the sex with your wife is lacking. Seems to me the issue here is that you cheated on your wife in the first place. ask yourself why you sought out extra marital sex in the first place. then ask yourself if you want to try to salvage the relationship with your wife, or if you should let her go. consider whats best for you and her, not just yourself! put the shoe on the other foot, too. perhaps your wife would not want to stay with you after an affair, or perhaps she would want to go to a sex therapist and work on putting the spark back! only way to find out is to know where YOU were coming from in making the decisions you made, and then talk to her. be honest with her though. you only get honesty once, and if you tell her the truth, at least she will know you didn't lie to her about it on top of cheating on her. good luck.
2006-08-21 11:37:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex in an affair is always going to be better than the sex with your wife. Its just something about sneaking around and doing it that stimulates the experience. You don't have to tell your wife verbally about the things you would like her to do in bed. Sort of guide her. You take over. When it is happening, ask her to do the stuff that you like.
2006-08-21 11:40:20 · answer #8 · answered by sr04model 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear A$$hole, How could you mess around on your loving wife. She married you because she truely loved you and trusted you. You broke two of the most of the important rules of marriage loyalty and trust. I think you need to come clean about your affair to your wife and after you do that then tell her what you want sexually in bed that's if she even let's you near her in the bedroom. I hope she is smart and get's a good divorce lawyer and rake your sorry *** through the coals
2006-08-21 11:38:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try being spontaneous with your wife, the way you were with the co-worker. Come out of your shell. How do you expect to be pleased by your wife or anyone for that matter and not tell that person what pleases you. Open up!
2006-08-21 11:36:59 · answer #10 · answered by Carrie P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you feel comfortable telling your wife what you like? How much harder can it be to tell someone you promised to spend your life with, what you prefer in the bedroom, than it is to tell about a million total strangers that you are a cheater?
Face it, you have no one but yourself to blame if you are unsatisfied with your marital sex life. Its not your wife's fault, how can it be, when you won't even tell her what you want?
How do you know she won't try to accomodate your request?
What is the worst that can happen? That she will be disgusted by what you are telling her? That she will look at you differently?
The passion is already gone, and you are already a cheater....
What exactly is it you're afraid to lose?
2006-08-21 11:42:29 · answer #11 · answered by luckybluebunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋