I am madly in love with my fiancee. She is the most incredible person I have ever met. We get along very well and are very happy together. When we met I knew she was moving to san francisco for school. We have been together 5 months, and she moves in 3 days.
I have a great job in southern california, and I make decent money. However I don't think I can live months or potentially a year+ without her. She has already paid for the entire year with a student loan and it is non-refundable (housing etc). She will be there for a year or more. We have talked about me moving up there to be with her, and starting a life there together.
Should I drop my job and move to a new city where I know no one, try to find a new job and try to get us to scrape by?
I work as a contractor also, so I can get jobs at home over the internet to get us by but they are by no means stable. I just want to be able to support the both of us and not fail.
2006-08-21 11:06:22 · 9 answers · asked by Brad M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
So you have a choice -- and it's not the one you're thinking of.
The choice BEHIND the choice you think you have (that is, do I keep my job or do I move up with her and look for work) is this:
Can you and your fiancee choose to be partners, to support each other and do whatever it takes to build a life you both love?
It's a big step. It takes courage. It takes the ability to declare yourself responsible for your life, and to give up holding anybody else responsible for it. If you decide to move to San Francisco with her, you have to make it clear to yourself that you're choosing to do it -- she's not making you, and if you ever hear yourself starting to say "but honey, I gave up my job to follow you," you have to thank that voice for sharing and then make it shut the hell up.
Are you up to that? And if you are, is she up to acknowledging you for it, and matching that level of commitment and responsibility?
If so -- then you two have a wonderful adventure ahead of you. Oh, yes, it'll be frustrating at times, you'll get disheartened and discouraged and things will be tough. But you'll have something that 99% of the people in the world don't have -- the knowledge that you can shape your own life and make it what you want it to be.
Oh, and for the record? My wife and I have done things much like this half a dozen times since 1979. I don't regret any of them, though most of them involved a lot of dislocation and effort and frustration, but with great reward afterward. Jumping off the edge like this never gets any easier -- but if you try, you can make the rewards bigger and sweeter each time. And the life you two can have together will be something very, very rich because it'll be all your own.
From a practical perspective, the Bay Area job market is very good, especially if you have any kind of technological skills -- Silicon Valley is still very much alive and well as a growth engine. Housing is expensive, but there's a lot to recommend the Bay Area as a place to live. One of our "jump off the edge" decisions involved a move from LA to the Bay Area, so I speak from experience. (Two old cars, two old cats, two new parents and a baby girl, driving from the San Fernando Valley to Sunnyvale on the hottest Labor Day weekend since they started keeping records.)
And... if you're not ready to grow up quite that much all at once, it's only about a six-hour drive up 101 from LA (well, depending on what part of LA you're in) to the Bay Area. You can leave work early on Friday and be in San Francisco in time for a late dinner.
But what kind of a life would you have if you always played it safe?
2006-08-21 11:55:05 · answer #1 · answered by Scott F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Financially, since you claim it will not be stable, I don't think it is practical for you to relocate. I think you would be jeapordizing a great deal and along comes with that, is the emotionally instability you will experience which may harm your relationship. With all do respect, 5 months, personally speaking, would not be enough time invested for me to want to relocate my entire life for someone. I think this one year apart will be a great learning experience for you two. You two will soon discover how strong the love is between you two.
The distance, feelings and emotions will force both of you to compromise plenty and you will both learn the true lessons of loving someone and the sacrifice(s) one must goes through to make the other feel fulfilled. This will be a true test for each of you whether you two are really meant to be each other's future lifetime partners or not. If, after one year, things are still strong, then plan ahead and plan carefully about relocating since I assume she will be in school for a couple of years. At least this will give you time to evaluate job options and places to live, and will give you two time to set aside some money for living expenses.
Besides, I'm sure you two could arrange a couple of weekends to come out and visit each other in the meantime. Long distance relationships don't always mean the end. It can definitely be done! Good luck to the both of you.
2006-08-21 11:23:12 · answer #2 · answered by Trixi Curious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wether or not you actually follow her to another city is an answer only you can/should provide to yourself.
However if you decide to follow her, there is no rule that says you have to follow her right away. Take some time and research the area as far as possible employment and housing. Try to get something lined up before you just drop everything and run.
San Francisco is no place to try and just "get by" once you get there. It is one of the most expensive cities to live in in California.
Make plans and think things out BEFORE you go..not after!
2006-08-21 11:20:22 · answer #3 · answered by dta_stonecold_dta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real question is do you think you'll ever find anyone else like her? How much do you love her? Enough to turn down an amazing opportunity of a job? Think of the future.
2006-08-21 11:28:57 · answer #4 · answered by Danielle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Line something up first before jumping in. You're a contractor and can find work almost anywhere you go. Just make sure it's what you really want to do.
2006-08-21 11:29:57 · answer #5 · answered by windandwater 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i could agree, i think of people could prefer to alter for the betterment of them, no longer via fact which you like them too. It took a protracted at the same time as to understand that yet I do now. i in my opinion like the secret, via fact that i've got examine the e book and considered the action picture, I replaced my way of thinking and that i think of I fairly have a greater advantageous out look on existence now.
2016-11-05 08:11:44 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is going to be your life long partner and wife, then I say do it. If you are 100% in love with her and you can't live without her, do it. If you love her, then she is your home no matter where you end up.
2006-08-21 11:40:19 · answer #7 · answered by jeneration Y 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't change your life for anybody. If it is meant for you both to be together, then you will. She has to finish school. If you move there for her, and she meets someone else in school and then drops you, where will you be? Time and patience, my friend.
2006-08-21 11:17:19 · answer #8 · answered by serendipity 2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it feels right do it!!!... if not then don't... also if you love something let it go and if it returns it is ment to be... this could be a really good test for you too, if it is meant to be it will be.
2006-08-21 11:15:55 · answer #9 · answered by kssunflower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋