have had a shite day any1 any good jokes to cheer me up?!?

Question

hubby admitted to hosp mate died and my aunts had a stroke i need a Good laff plz

Answer 1

this teenage boy and his girlfriend was over his house one day..
they wanted to get freaky but the boy sleeps in a bunk bed with his little brother underneath.. so the boy was like okay .. lets make up a codes.. if u want it harder.. say tomatoes.. if u want me to slow down.. say lettuce.. so the girl was up there screaming lettuce.. tomatoes.. his little brother woke up and said guys.. can you stop making sandwhiches because ive got mayo all over my face down here!

Answer 2

gosh!!! u not havin a good day!! sorry for all ur woes. hope this cheers u up!!! :-)

Joke:A Fish Watching A Fly

There was this fish, and this fish was watching a fly, the fish wanted the fly to drop six inches so he could jump and eat it.

There was a bear on the shore, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump and the bear could swipe the fish for lunch.

There was a hunter in the woods, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would swipe and the fish and come out into plain view.

There was a mouse eyeing the hunters sandwhich, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear then the hunter would go get the bear and the mouse could get the sandwhich.

There was a cat waiting for the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear and for the mouse to go for the sandwhich.

So the fly drops six inches, the fish jumps in the air, the bear catches the fish, the hunter shoots the bear and the mouse swipes the sandwhich. The blast from the hunters gun startled the cat, which jumped into the river.

The moral of the story is...When the fly drops six inches the p.ussy gets wet!!!! lol

Answer 3

sorry you Had a bad day. okay, so here's mine. they're airplane jokes:

there's a cowboy and a baptist preacher sitting next to each other on a plane. the cowboy orders a beer. the waitress, after serving the drink, asks the preacher if he wanted anything alcoholic. the preacher said: "ABSOULUTELY NOT! i would rather be tied up and taken advantage of by loose women" the cowboy, upon hearing this, hands back his beer and says "me too, i didn't know there was a choice"

another one is: there's a pilot who's tired in a cockpit after a long flight. he stretches back and remarks "you know what i wish i had? a coffee and a BJ" what he didn't know was that the mike was still on and the entire plane, including the passengers; had heard. a young, hot stewardess starts running up to the cockpit to tell the pilot that his mike was on. a passenger grabs her arms and says "Don't forget the coffee!"

Answer 4

there was a husband and wife, they lived together, one day they were watching tv and a news report came on saying there were two inmates that escaped from the county jail during work release and believed to be armed n dangerous, well that night the husband and wife went to bed, while asleep the wifey heard a noise and woke up her loving husband, before he could get up two men walked in the room wearing their orange jumpsuits and began tying the couple up to the bed, the larger of the two men who was tying up the woman wispered in her ear and she began to cry they began paceing back n forth back n forth and the husband began to tell them you can have what ever you want money the car clothes anything please just dont hurt me, i wont tell anyone youve been here, i promise i know youve been locked up for a long time well do anything, you can even have sex with my wife, look how pretty she is, the wife looks at her husband and says what? ? ? ? ? and the men look at his wife and begin to laugh, she turns to him and says you sorry *** sob, theyve been in jail for 15 years they dont want me they want you, dont worry, ill still love you n the am.

Answer 5

A woman is going to jump off Tower Bridge in London. A sailor see's her and shout's "dont do it, I'll stow you away on the ship and you can start a new life in the USA"
3 weeks later she is found onboard the ship and taken to the captain who asks "what are you doing on my boat?" she replies "one of your sailors is stowing me away to the USA. He brings me three meals a day and in return I let him F*** me every night. The captain replies "he's F***ing you alright, this is the Woolwich Ferry luv"


probably get kicked off for rudeness but it is bloody funny

Answer 6

i can tell you the worlds shortest joke. if you take offence i appologize now:

"A seal walks into a Club"

Answer 7

do you know how to catch a neaky rabbit, you neak up on him, you know how you catch a tame rabbit, the tame way

Answer 8

what do you call a reindeer with no eyes? No idea!!

Answer 9

i am a fairy my name is nuff
fairynuff