What do I do about my husband????

Question

He is always yelling at me about the bills not being able to get payed and he refuses to go to work all the time....if he misses work we dont get paid...then when I cant pay a bill or we are in the red then he yells and screams and yells at me demanding an answer to why we are in the red and blames me......I dont know what to do I guess I need some advice on how to talk to him without screaming back and how to do our finances...when our bills exceed his paycheck what do I do? I dont know...thanks Oh and I dont want a divorce my kids have already been there and I want to make this work but dont know how

Answer 1

Yelling never helps anyone...but often it is the the avenue by which we express our anxiety. I suggest that you approach your spouse on a day when he is not upset about the finances...and tell him that you think it would be better for both of you if you worked together on the household budget and finance management. You can go online and print out monthy household budget forms that walk you through a strategy to help you determine how much money you need every month to cover your obligations, as well as how much you can save, and many other helpful tips. If you cannot find what you are looking for online, you can call a credit counseling office and ask for budget worksheets. Many of these offices will provide them to you at no cost and they may even be able to sit down with you and your spouse and discuss allocation of funds.

All of this aside, maybe it would be helpful to remind your husband that when there are not enough funds to cover your bills it is just as frustrating to you as it is to him and that the best way to tackle this problem is to work with each other instead of laying blame on one or the other of you. If you and your spouse devise a financial plan for your household together, you will find that there is much less stress on one person over the other and that when you have a common goal you are able to see much better results. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Financial problems are the leading cause of divorce so your problems are not going to be easily solved. In your question you pretty much outline that there is a huge communications problem and you obviously feel that your husband is not 'pulling his weight' when it comes to bringing money into the household. Here's a couple of suggestions and in the order of which I recommend you attempt:

1) Counseling - You obviously have lots of issues that need to be resolved. These issues extend farther than finacial. Your husband could be feeling a lot of pressure and since you have kids from a previous marriage, he may be feeling that his hard work is for nothing because as soon as he brings it home.. it's gone. This is particularly true if your kid's biological dad is not paying child support. But, since you two can't seem to get through this problem with out screaming/fighting, a mediator/counselor will be your best bet.
2) Create a budget spreadsheet. Create a table in word or use excel or even word pad. Create one with at least 5 columns. Column contents are: Bill Description, Monthly amount, Balance (loan/CC/mortgage/etc.), Monthly Due Date, Comments. Fill in one row for each of your bills. In the comments section, place comments such as "Can we reduce (cable TV)?" "Combine with loan XXX for lower interest rate." Sort these items by Due Date and place a 'row break' at each date you expect paychecks. Insert paycheck amounts at appropriate locations. Subtract bills from paycheck.. remainder is 'living expenses' for things such as groceries, fuel, clothing, entertainment, etc. Print this out and give it to him. Ask him to take some time and review the list and then 'Let's sit down and discuss it at a time when we are both relaxed.'

To many couples 'discuss' finances at a moment of crisis. For example a bill that becomes past due or a paycheck is short or some other stressfull event. The natural desire is to dicuss and handle it then.. but it is better to let things cool a bit.. then come to the table both prepared to talk in a relaxed and logical format. Make a rule before you begin that if things get emotional, then you need to take a break and then come back. Remember finances are LOGICAL things... not EMOTIONAL.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 3

been in your situation.... I knew if I got a divorce I would have to get a job and support the family. So I went to work. I feel better than I did and when we were broke all the time and I think my son was better after he started attending pre-school. Plus I treated myself once a month with a massage, pedicure, or a house cleaning service. We now have 3 checking accounts... his that stays in the red. My personal, and the Bill account. He pays me for half the bills and I pay for my half. If he doesn't pay his half. Off goes his cell phone, the satelite, he eats ramien noodles, and he has to bum rides for work because he doesn't have gas money. I know it sounds cruel but guess what..... He works more, actually he's been at the same job for 3 years now (a record for him and he's 34), and he actually gets vacation pay. He doesn't like that I make 2x what he does. It sorta motivates him. It's great! especially since now I make more money than him and I get to enjoy myself alot more. Plus if he doesn't shape up you don't have to feel trapped. The day I made my decision was when they cut the power and water off the same day and we had no money, the car title was already pawned, and we had to go 2 weeks without power and water. (well he did I went to my parents) I have a child and I cannot control my husband or what he does, I can ony choose to make sure he is cared for and that I am. So I know if he ever leaves.... I won't be hung out to dry.

Answer 4

He needs to become more involved with the finances...make a list of all your monthly bills with the most realistic balance that is required to meet these financial obligations...have a back up plan to eliminate or pay off those that can be and set goals to lesson the money problems...that way if he misses work then he can't blame being short on the bills on you.

Answer 5

The first thing that you need to do is calmly tell him that you are not trash and to not be throwing his trash talk at you. You can only do with what you got and the first thing I would say is to make a budget plan and the things that are necessities keep in front and the least important are last. Then if you can't pay all the bills go first to the ones in front and pay them with what is left you divide and pay the rest a little. They usually understand hard times and if you at least make an effort to pay then you should be alright. I hope that things work out for you.

Answer 6

First and foremost, think about the best interest of your children if hes being what sounds like verbally abusive then seek counseling or take some time away and let him handle all the bills and see how quick his outlook will change by doing it himself alone, but if you dont think you kids are stable enough for another tough situation then try everything to work it out you dont know until you try and then you can throw your hands up if things just aint working out and you know you tried. Good Luck & God Bless!!

Answer 7

You have two options-one yell back or and the best-hand him the checkbook and bills. Refuse to write a check for any monthly bills. If creditors call, give the call to him. Also talk to him about the situation and let him know his behavior upset you and the children. Remember it takes two for the marriage to work. If all else fails, ask the famous question-Am I better off with him or without him??

Answer 8

Talk to a counselor. Ask him to accompany you. He will probably refuse, but you go anyway. Shop around, talk with your doctor, search the yellow pages for a counselor you can afford. Don't forget your struggle with your finances. You surely don't want to get yourself to much deeper in debt. Your future might require you to be as free of debt as you can be. You just might find yourself free from the yelling and screaming when the counseling is over. You also might want to start looking for employment of your own. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 9

tell him if he don't work all the times how in the world the bills get paid. it doesn't get paid by itself. why don't you allow him to handle the bills and see how he respond.if you really want to make this relationship work you have to talk to him and express to him that you don't like to be yell at and blame for everything. tell him that for this relationship to continue he need to calmly talk like a responsible adult.maybe you should also cut down on your spending. if he continue to yell all the times,walk away for a while and then come back and talk to him when he calm down. good luck!

Answer 10

are you seriously still with him?
you love him that much that your ok with him not
working?

from the looks of it this relationship is going nowhere...
first
he DOES NOT WORK
then he gets mad at YOU

is it me that sees a serious problem here?
whats next? will you let him beat you?
you have to get out of this trap and find yourself a better man or lover or husband.

you say you dont want a divorce and want to make this work. it isnt going to work because he knows you guys dont have enough money but he still just wont work.

i seriously think it would be better for YOU and your Kids that have already been there to leave.

do you want ur kids living in a house where their father or whomever is yelling at their mother constantly? how would that shape their future?