he wants to remain friends, but he's so cruel. he didnt even acknowledge my birthday today and i'm round at our 2nd home (because i need space), he only called me at 4 today to briefly say happy birthday. later he called to ask if he should come around, besides that, even though all my family is in za, he didnt bother to even bring me a card... he is abusive at times too, he says his family is estranged from him, but he forgets his only family member who bothers to contact him, he forgot her b/day too. i had to remind him twice!!! i dont care for fancy things, just wanted to be near someone who cares...is that too much to ask for.
2006-08-21 09:59:51 · 42 answers · asked by Wisdom 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he has helped me financially thru trying times, but kept a strict record of what i owe him, which i will repay because i never shirk responsibility...I care because of that, and also, hes suffering from depression and has anger/time management issues... he desperately wants to remain friends, but i feel so hurt around him most times...
2006-08-21 10:09:24 · update #1
No, it's not too much to ask to be near someone who cares about you. Do you really, deep down, think he cares for the person that is inside you? Or does he need someone to manipulate and abuse? Do what you need to do for YOU. The best thing you can possibly do is treat yourself properly. And being around someone who is abusive and forgetful and downright mean isn't being kind to yourself, in my book. It sounds as though you've excused and allowed his behavior for a long time. He won't "grow up" if he doesn't have to.
2006-08-21 10:25:35 · answer #1 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-02-12 09:52:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares if he remembers your b-day or not? This is an irrelevant issue. What's relevant is that, to truly be "friends" with someone, you have to be over your past with them, to be able to count on each other, and to accept them as they are. Hanging around a person whom you're not truly "over" with can be very destructive. And, if you cannot trust someone to be there for you and not be abusive - what kind of friendship would this be? As far as acceptance goes - it's obvious he doesn't place the same significance on certain things as you do (a b-day, for example); but you're having trouble accepting even this minor flaw.
I'm sure he has many more "strikes" against him than just forgetting a birthday, tho - otherwise, he would not be an "ex". Perhaps, in the future you might be able to stay in touch and "be friends" - but it sounds like you might need a break from him for a while.
2006-08-21 10:13:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have friends that I hold dear to me, and I would never forget any of their birthdays, and if for some horrible reason I did, I would be round on their doorstep with my apologies. On the other hand I have friends, which I occasionally see, and of course I have forgot their birthdays by accident as they are not in my thoughts so much. What you need to ask yourself is? What kind of friend does he consider you? Often when we break up with someone, we say lets stay friends, this is just a nice way of parting, and isn't always necessarily meant. Sorry darling, but look at it as it is, and move on, you deserve better, then this. XXX
2006-08-22 00:19:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, don't stay with him just because of what you owe him or even if you have kids. If you do have kids, it's your position as their mother to keep them safe, and not in an environment which you yourself say becomes an agressive one. He's emotionally blackmailing you, and whilst you feel sorry for him, he'll keep on doing it. If he truly loves you, ask him to get the help he needs and then, and only then, will you consider giving your relationship another chance. With regards to what you owe him, if he's kept such an itemised record of this, then there's something seriously wrong with him. Marriage is a joint venture and as your husband, he should have been happy to help you and vice-versa, but not through blackmail. Suggests he gets help and if not get rid.
2006-08-21 19:07:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have forgotten what it means to be divorced. Being divorced means not having a relationship with your spouse.People who are divorced should not expect any birthday greetings or gifts from their ex. You should not expect to even talk to him anymore especially if he had been abusive to you. Has the fact that you and he are divorced not sank deep into your brain and do you still think he owes you anything as your husband? He owes you nothing. Whether his family is estranged from him is no longer your business. You are NOT his family member, you are his ex. You are OUT of his life because you are DIVORCED!!!!!!!!
2006-08-21 19:57:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. Speaking from a woman who has been divorced, This is my answer. If you have No children with him, let him go...Whatever in life brings negative things our way, we need to let them go. Ok..if he is your soon to be ex, then that means you have both decided to split up right? If you have, then Why would you be mad that he didnt get you a card...Have you thought he may be hurting to over the split, and he is slowly trying to get over you to...so he may have thought to himself that a phone call would be easier. An ex, doesnt have to remember our birthdays...thats the WHOLE reason they are our "ex's. Maybe he has a broken heart to, who knows? If you have kids, be nice get along for the kids sake, they will respect you for it when they are older. But dont let him abuse you, or treat you bad. Have self respect and go on with your life. It is good to get along, if there are children involved, if not..then go on..Happy Birthday!
2006-08-21 11:15:32 · answer #7 · answered by ~Annette~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he is abusive towards you then no I wouldnt consider being his friend. he may have a controling problem and being your friend maybe be what he wants to keep that control issue going. Why do you owe him money? you arent even divorced. you dont pay back your spouse. oh hell no.... your money is his money and his money is your money. if that was the case of repaying back then I want my money back for supporting my ex husband when he didnt have a job when he wasnt supporting his family. which was the whole time we were married. I didnt except him to pay it back and neither should your soon-to-be ex
2006-08-21 10:35:47 · answer #8 · answered by lkwood39 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, your going through alot, i really feel for you, him being angry and depressed is not healthy for you to be around, because at some point you will be on the end of the full brunt of his anger and depression, he should have remembered your birthday because you and him were friends 1st, then engaged, then married, so its not something he would have just forgotten by accident, being near someone who cares is never to much to ask for, i think he needs to talk to a councillor about his anger and his depression, and about how he treats you, because if he doesn't, it will not get better on its own, it will only become worse, and worse for you to be around to.
if he goes to counselling and sorts his anger issues out and his depression out, then remain friends with him if you want, if he doesn't sort out his issues, then i think you need to break free of him and his offer of friendship.
2006-08-21 10:24:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHY did you even marry him!?!?! Read your own question and you pretty much know the answer already. You have a your life to live, so do you really want that type of person polluting your life ahead. Realize your mistake and go and meet the kind of people that enrich your life instead
2006-08-21 10:08:27 · answer #10 · answered by jeninsocal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋