Why does it seem like men carry more baggage after a divorce than women do?

Question

I am newly divorced & so over my ex. I have been meeting men divorced 6+ years & they still have anger towards their ex-wives. Why is that?

Answer 1

Men, as a whole, are less emotinally developed than most women. They carry pains and grudges longer, hate more profoundly and hide more readily.

Answer 2

Because they hate to lose anything that was once their's...like animals. Then they blame the whole species of women on thier own personal problems, which was caused by everything except their own personal behavior. Denial is a river in Egypt! Yes, I have an ex that still hates my guts after more than 10 years and he has remarried. It's like being stuck in a rut. They can't get out! I don't understand either, sista, but whatchagonnado???? How do you feel about being a lesbian??? Probably would be complicated too.....who knows? Life is a b*tch and then you die. High 5 !!!

Answer 3

I totally agree with you. I have seen so many damaged men who I don't think can ever be emotionally healthy enough to have another relatinship.

I think it is because men haver the "hunter, providor" in them.
They think loving means taking care of. Thus, if the marriage breaks up their egos are more damaged than a womans.
Women are more emotional....so we have our good crys and we expess our emotions- thus we get over it and they try to act wounded and never every truely experience the pain enough to let go.
Also, I believe women look at their man as a partner, and a man looks at his woman as a pocession that validates their masculinity. Men also take for granted. I suppose women do the same, but somhow a man can keep himself busy enough with work, chores, and going out with his buddies..........just to avoid the reality that their relationship at home isn't all that good.

I believe they are also angry when they have to pay child support or alimoney. They figure if the wife left, she is no longer intitled to HIS money. Even if the wife stayed home with the kids and gave up her career so that he could climb the ladder in his work. Or the man moves his family around so often that there isn't any way for the wife to settle in a place long enough to do more than pack and unpack, enroll the kids in school, then pack up again and move on to the next city, the next place that will magically make things all right.

My X, after 10 years still punishes me for leaving him. How emotionally healthy is that? The reason he is so ticked is that I am happy and I can deal with life on my own. That really kills him.

My X told me I didn't deserve to have his name, so I took mine back. He told me that he would destroy me financially.
So, some men are so busy being mean to the X wife that they sacrfice their own lives to punish the X.

Men often are just little boys who get upset when their toys move on without them.

Answer 4

Two out of three divorces are initiated by the wife. That means two out of three men are not the ones who wanted out. Makes sense that more men would be angry, doesn't it?
Men need marriage more than women, in many ways. Women have their friends and extended family to support them emotionally--we are naturally more likely to discuss our feelings and problems with other people, so we have a safety net. Men tend to turn over their emotional well being to their wives, and then if she leaves, they have no safety net. They talk to friends about cars and sports, but not how they feel.

Answer 5

Men have emotions, we can be hurt, love turning to indifference or hate is very painful and disorienting for us. I saw a study once that said women were much better at getting on with their lives after a breakup then men. In my colder moments I think thats because women don't really love their men, just the paycheck, but I know that is not true.

Answer 6

Having to pay support really upsets them even when its for his own children. Having to 'pay' for someone or something that you have no control over anymore? The realization that they may have to pay for two households.
They want you to feel sorry for them so they 'bag' on their exes while they deny having contributed to the breakdown of the marriage.
Their new wife/girlfriend or dates feul a spark by butting in and being overly sensitive and controlling. (cuz its usually divorce from his infidelities...so shes gonna watch him like a hawk even thought he claims he didnt do anything wrong)
Women have separate issues. Each case is individual for divorced men and women.
Change the topic of conversation.

Answer 7

I don't think it is just men, I know a lot of women that do the same thing. When the one you love hurts you that is a hurt that scars you and you don't forget it easily. Unfortunately a lot of people swear to never make the same mistake and carry that pain from one relationship into the next instead of accepting that each relationship is unique and while you should learn common sense lessons from your prior relationships you should give your new relationships a chance to succeed and fail on their own without limiting them based upon your past.

Answer 8

I don't believe men carry "more" baggage than women... I think, some people (be it men or women) are simply more prone to wallow in the past. I'm sure that if you ask men, they'll tell you they've run into plenty of women who are not "over" their ex's.

Answer 9

Its all that male ego thing, they still can't cope with the fact that someone refused to put up with their crap! Still being angry means they are still hurt by it. But the reality is that I'm sure their wives gave them 1000 warnings before actually leaving and being men they just ignored her, accused her of nagging and/or bitching and went along their merry way so when she actually bails they are all shocked. It also means they haven't considered their role in what went wrong which means they'll just do the same things in their next relationship so they are good ones to avoid anyway.

Answer 10

I really think our world today, especially in the USA, does not help men to understand how to deal with their emotions. The minute a man tries to do so, he is called "sensitive," and a lot of people do not mean that as a compliment!

When a man is encouraged to seek a professional counselor to help him get through one of the worst things that can happen to him--a divorce--why does he almost always refuse to do so? Because he is scared to death to be thought of as "that kind of guy"--and yet, he needs the help of a trained professional!