I wouldn't say that I've known my whole life that I was bi or gay, but I would definitely say that I've been attracted to women (and men) throughout my life, and that I have never found being with men to be satisfying. I dated a woman for about three months but we didn't have a sexual relationship, so I don't necessarily have anything to compare it to. Several of my friends have told me that they think my sexuality is very ambiguous, but they've left it at that, I assume so that if there's something I want to tell them, they won't be shocked... My brother came out a few years ago, and I know that a few of my cousins are also bisexual. So I guess my real question is, having not had sex with a woman, do I have any business telling people that I'm bi, or should I keep it to myself?
2006-08-21 08:08:13 · 19 answers · asked by Amersmanders 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
In answer to one person's question, I'm 26. I don't want to be cemented into one identity or another, not knowing for sure if it's the right thing for me, I just get tired of feeling like I'm hiding something, and that I'm ashamed of it.
2006-08-21 08:46:22 · update #1
I don't think you need to know what you are yet to come out at all. If you want to wait until you know, that's completely fine, and you don't have to think that you're keeping a secret. But if you do feel the need to come out, there are lots of options that won't box you into one orientation. You could come out as queer, which could mean you're any of a number of orientations. You could say that you like women and men, or say that you have an attraction to women as well if someone asks "Do you have a boyfriend?" or something and you want to let them know that you don't just like guys. You can just say that you're not gay, bi, or straight, because your attractions don't fall into a neat little box.
If coming out is important to you, you don't have to wait to know exactly what you are. Lots of people fluctuate throughout their whole lives anyway, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't come out. Coming out is a really important thing to do once you're ready, because when people know a queer person, they're less likely to be homophobic. So wait until you're ready to come out, and then do it in any way that makes you comfortable.
2006-08-21 09:55:00 · answer #1 · answered by jenjubatus 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, straight kids come out as straight ("She's so cute!" "I hope he asks me out!"), and nobody thinks anything of it! And they didn't have sex before they came out, either. You don't have to slap a label on yourself if you're not sure about what's going on inside you. Be ambiguous, if you feel ambiguous.
At the same time, you don't have to have sex to be out. You just have to know who you are and what you like. It's all about your attractions and the kind of life you envision for yourself. You don't have to "pick a team." I hadn't had sex with a woman when I came out, either. I am now married to a woman and still out as bi.
2006-08-21 15:34:05 · answer #2 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about labels. You'll know when you're ready to come out to people. Only come out to those you feel comfortable enough to out yourself to. Some people hardly tell anyone, while others like myself out themselves to everyone they meet. Do what feels comfotable for you. Also, don't worry about labeling yourself. Just tell people that you keep your options open. And also, you don't have to sleep with every type of person under the sun to figure out your sexual preference. I'm only been active once with one person, and yet I'm sure of my preference.
2006-08-21 18:33:14 · answer #3 · answered by carora13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I think until you are really certain of your sexuality, its too early to "come out." If there are those close enough that they need to know someting about where your head is at, I think you can tell them honestly that you're not really sure whether or not you might be bi. That's honest. If they aren't close enough to understand and appreciate that answer, they don't need to know anyway.
2006-08-21 15:38:49 · answer #4 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do whatever you feel is most comfortable for you. You can't be a copy of someone else. You can only be yourself.
Until you're sure of who you are, who you are attracted to, whom you enjoy sexual contact with, you can't and shouldn't feel forced to make such a statement.
It's not a matter of choosing your sexuality, it's a matter of finding discovering what it is.
Good luck to you on your journey.
2006-08-21 15:24:08 · answer #5 · answered by DEATH 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you're bi to me, but keep it to yourself for now, until you figure some things out.
2006-08-21 15:22:22 · answer #6 · answered by ~?~ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless this whole coming out thing is a subconscious exercise in narcissism, just keep your sexual orientation to yourself. Nobody really cares anyway.
2006-08-21 15:15:35 · answer #7 · answered by DomC 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well if you're not sure...you dont need to announce yet..just wait til you're ready yourself. Then you'll feel more confident in telling people...you already know that they are there for you..so just hang in there while you sort out your feelings.
2006-08-21 17:05:35 · answer #8 · answered by twisted_goddess_x 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if your feelings stay the same. keep it to yourself but if u feel closer to women than men as time goes on then consider being more open about it.
2006-08-21 15:32:50 · answer #9 · answered by Phil-A 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say keep it to yourself until you have answered all of your own questions.
2006-08-21 15:18:36 · answer #10 · answered by GoldenLocs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋