How will I not lose my cool in court tomorrow? My ex-husband is a low life meth head...?

Question

He didn't call or some see our daughter for over 4 mos. so I got a court order stopping his visits so she would no longer have to wonder every Sun. if he was coming, so now he is saying it's all my fault, waagh, waagh. The judge didn't believe anything he said the last 2 times but he still just makes me sooo mad. The judge is going to talk to our daughter, she is 13, and I'm not really concerned about the outcome, if I can sit quietly and ignore his lying BS. The judge is also the drug court judge so recognizes his behavior. Help, I'm letting this creep have too much time in my head!

She knows, without me saying a word.

I am a recoverying alcoholic addict, 2 1/2 years clean,--since the day I left him!

thanks guys, for the kind words, it does help settle me down, yes I use the this too shall pass daily. And I have a good man who is also a recovering addict and my daughter adores him. We've been together 22 months.

Answer 1

Keep telling yourself that you are enduring through this for the well being of your daughter. While your in court with him just remember that this is a small price you have to pay so that your daughter won't have to go through this anymore. Also, remember that it is you who will have the last laugh. If anything, feel sorry for him because he will be missing out on the best thing that ever happened to the both of you. He may not realize it now, but eventually he will. When your ex pop's into your head, just think of your daughter and smile. Without him you would not have her. He did do one good thing! Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 2

Ok -- here's the thing....remember this. In divorce court/child custody cases, the judge does not want to - nor will he allow the emotions of you and this guy in court. The "emotional" stuff is totally irrelevant as far as the judge is concerned. ALL the judge is going to be concerned with is the welfare of the child. You may be mad (everyone is always mad in these situations -- again -- the court doesn't have time to listen to that stuff). Just remember to breath - don't look at that person. Sit there as confident as you can (without looking "cocky" - you know what I mean). Keep your cool (or you will look as though you have a current drug problems yourself). It will be okay. I'm a little surprised he is a drug court judge and family court judge. You must live in a small town, huh? I grabbed your question from the "how's your day going question" answer you gave when it said "see my last question" -- that was a good idea.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, you did marry him so you did have a part in this nonsense, but that is no excuse for his terrible behavior not only to you but your & his daughter. His sick is that, but drugs has that affect on people. What a terrible role model for when she grows up and wants to meet guys. I sure hope you can make up for him, and it sounds like if anyone could do that, it would be someone like you. The hardest part of this process is to be the "mature" one and proper role model for your very impressionable, teenage daughter. The best thing is that the court judge is also the drug court judge who can see through his crap and give you a positive outcome. Good luck with your daughter and finding a decent man. Don't give up hope cuz he's out there. Just make sure you don't settle for less than you deserve.

Answer 4

Do you feel better? Maybe that is how you will keep your cool tomorrow. When he is spouting his BS just think of all the great questions you will get to ask about him on here after you are done. If he is as bad as you say then your daughter is already smarter than him by far, so no worries. Keep your mouth shut and let him make himself look the fool. Especially if the judge already knows him. Good luck and all will be well. And if it doesn't go in your favor all you have to do is buy him a baggie and he will happily be on his way tward self destruction hopefully for you and your daughter sooner rather than later.

Answer 5

calm down! i would suggest you have a glass of wine before court, but then someone might smell it on you and call you an alcoholic.

just remember one thing. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! therefore, you cannot control his behaviour. the thing that is really bugging you is the fact that he is demonstrating no responsibility for his daughter. and that is what sucks. you can't sheild your daughter from everything. this will be painful to her no matter what. everytime he opens his mouth, close your eyes and count to ten (in your head) then just look directly at the judge. don't look at your ex, don't roll your eyes. i'm sure the judge will be doing that on his own anyway. and remember, (i love this tantra) this too shall pass.

Answer 6

I think you just explained it to yourself. Breath deep, and let him make his case. If it's full of cr8p, the judge'll catch it. Focus on supporting your daughter instead.

Afterwards, give some serious thought to seeing a counselor about working through your anger, if not for yourself, then for your daughter. He's always going to be her father, she will always love him, and she needs to figure out how NOT to incorporate the disappointments he creates into her own sense of self. Your feelings for him are compounding an already tough situation for any kid. You both got dealt a crummy hand, you've taken really positive actions, so don't let it mess with more of your lives than the minimum amout possible. Good luck!

Answer 7

Well, I have been in some shoes just like your. The thing I found to do, wasn't easy, but after wards it made me smile to think about it...
I went to court, looking my best, smelling good, and with a smile on my face. I didn't even acknowledge the fact that I was more then just pissed off, I told him that he looked like ****( where no one could hear) and went and sat down. It did give me a little pleasure to notice that every time I glanced over his way he was looking at me with a kinda dazed and confused look.

Good Luck keeping your Cool, and keep in mind that he will never have control over you!!! ( although he may wish that he did)

Answer 8

im gonna say this as devils advise to you, as a mom of a son elderly 5 whom i like and who I even have residency of although no longer and not making use of a combat. there is not any longer something greater evil than making fake allegations against your substantial different - and worse, putting any thought right into a newborn's head of this way of sexual nature. i'm no longer asserting you have completed this. i'm asserting, although, that in case you have, to get at your ex, it somewhat is newborn abuse, no longer by skill of him, yet by skill of your self. next. this isn't any longer your top to disclaim touch. it somewhat is a childs top to ascertain their father. if this guy somewhat is molesting his daughters, then needless to say he would not see them without supervision if in any respect. if even though it somewhat is in basic terms some very vindictive 'payback,' which courts do see with the aid of, they'll make a sprint order wherein he gets, say, substitute weekends with them. if he became into abusive to you it has NO concerning touch between him and his infants. the regulation is an a** right here, yet thats the regulation in the united kingdom. a guy can beat his spouse, or psychologically abuse her till she's a shadow of herself, and courts do no longer provide a s**t so some distance as touch with teenagers is in touch. harsh certainty. your infants are too youthful to assert no count if or no longer they % to ascertain him, in the eyes of the courtroom. i assume they'll take the councilors opinion into attention or perhaps consistent with danger ask for 'information' the ladies have been certainly molested, that must be very stressful to coach. if those allegations are unfounded, i encourage you, do no longer pursue this direction. each physique will lose, often you.

Answer 9

Just think in the best interest of you and your daughter. You know he is a jerk so don't even stoop to his level. I'm sure if you're able to ignore him everything will be just fine. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 10

You'll just have to sit back and bite your tongue, as hard as it will be. Saying something may only come back to hurt your case in the end. It sounds to me like you are not the only one in this situation who can see through your ex's lies, so I would have faith that things will go your way.