i have been married for 7 years and my inlaws and i are still somewhat reserved toward each other.....?

Question

my sister-in-law and i do not have much in common. she is a physical person and i am a cerbral one. she lives on farm, rides horses, climbs mts, goes on safaris, runs marathons. i love to cook, stay home and watch my child, create a garden, conduct workshops, teach, meditate, etc. i realize we will never be "bosom buddies," but is it too much to expect a converstation, something more than hi, hello. i've tried to initiate an actual conversation, but it seems more like a monologue than a dialogue. she is close to her other bro's wife & will plan outings w/out including me--sometimes this happens w/my mo-n-law's participation. it hurts my feelings. my mo-in-law has suggested that they might be intimidated by me (because i have a ph d--they did not attend college), but i always feel like an "outsider," looking in. how can i get over it--not let it bother me. i feel they must think i'm a nerd because im really not atheletic. also, it seems that in that family that 's valued more

Answer 1

Great question and not an uncommon dilemma. You are married to your husband, not your in-laws. It's not important that you be accepted by them, or for you to accept them. It sounds like the problem lies with them, therefore the situation is out of your control. So don't worry about it. If you and your hubby are happy, good for you. Your problem is that you allow them to hurt your feelings when they exclude you. My question is why would you want to be bothered with these kinds of people? Don't dumb yourself down to appease these people. Expect them to raise themselves to your level. By the way, you don't have to be "athletic" to "hike" mountains or go on Safaris. Unless you don't like nature at all, give them a try ~ but with someone else.

Answer 2

Just because you are now family does not mean you will be close. Even if you two were sisters, being so different, you might still not be close. Don't try to force a relationship and don't expect one. Just keep trying.

Be friendly. Take an interest in what they are all doing. Without being critical or acting hurt, tell them that you would like to be included in their activities sometimes. Invite them to join you in some of the things you enjoy, and don't respond negatively if they don't take you up on it. Just keep trying.

Most of the time, the "cold" response we get from people has more to do with something inside of them than it has to do with us. Make sure that you aren't doing anything to alienate them or make them feel judged and then don't worry too much. It may take you a very long time, but if you keep reaching out, it is likely that eventually they will warm up to you.

Best wishes

Answer 3

Well, first of all, you married your husband not his family. But it would be nice if you all were friendly. You might try telling them some things you like or admire about them. And make sure that you don't talk down to them. You could possibly be doing this without realizing it. Invite them on outings with you that you know they would enjoy. 7 years is a long time if hard feelings have developed and it may take a little time to break them down. Hang in there and be the best sister-in-law you can be. If they don't come around then just concentrate on your life with your husband and don't let them get you down.

Answer 4

i have the same problem but my husband is treated differently also he could give his mother a million dollars and all she would say was he gets on my nerves they treat him, myself and our children differently than any of the others...it hurts but its going to hurt them in the long run because my children will not really ever know them unless things change i hate being like that but why should i take my kids to see people that really don't care about them in the first place when they have all the love that they need from us and my family..... If you really want to be friends with your sister in law the best thing to do is try! Invite her out to a nice friendly dinner or a movie or something have a girls night out if that doesn't work then maybe its better off the way it is now! Good Luck!!!

Answer 5

It sounds like you two just don't have much in common she probably thinks you wouldnt want to do those kinds of things with her.My sister in law is my husband's bros wife she and i only talk when we see each other and its just because i have nothing in common with her.Its not because i don't like her.If she doesn't even talk to you then maybe she just doesn't like ya that happens somtimes when people come in contact with someone who is different kinda like a defensive mode.Its not right but it happens.Just try talking to her come right out and ask her if she doesn't like you and see what she has to say.

Answer 6

F-U-C-K your in laws, You live your life with your husband.

Answer 7

be how you are don't let them bug you