any ideas on how to lose the need for other people in your life?

Question

they say i should be contented in myself before i can attract love. how is this achieved when "no man is an island"?

Answer 1

There has always been much confusion over this topic. To the best of my ability, here is how this works:

"Lose the need for people" is really nothing more than "lose the need for finding solutions to all your problems in other people." This includes the need to "find romance" by looking for it. As long as you continue to look "outside yourself" for all your "needs" you will never be in a position to feel secure.

This "content with myself" does not mean total satisfaction with who you are and what you do. It just means being aware with your faults and accepting them as part of yourself. Until this is done, you can never change yourself (including correcting the faults).

Sure "no man is an island." Perhaps is is closer to say that each of us is the captain of the boat or ship of our live. We can smile or cry as we frantically wave at the other ships as they pass, or we can take responsibility for our craft and get it into position to join with others.

The possibility of love is not a matter of attraction. It is a matter of being aware of love when it does happen. This cannot be done if you are busy looking for something to fulfill your life. When you stop looking for love, it usually finds you. You just have to be ready to be aware of it and accept it.

Answer 2

Self-reliance is a good thing. When you encounter a problem and feel the need to rely on someone else either by habit or because you don't feel up to the challenge, stop and ask yourself how you can do it on your own and at least try to solve the problem on your own. I won't kid you, it will seem difficult at first, but you will get a huge boost of self-confidence after tackling the problem with your own resources. Ask for help from others only after you've honestly tried to solve the problem by yourself or if you know that doing it on your own would be dangerous or more costly. Consistently trying this exercise will wean you of dependencies on other people that eventually sap your self-confidence and ability to tackle problems.

However, having said that, I do agree with what others have already said about attracting love and being contented so I won't belabor that issue. I also agree that "no man is an island" because even when you tackle problems on your own, when you think about it, there will always be others that indirectly helped you solve them.

Also, humans are social animals. We naturally look for social interaction. By avoiding social contact, you are going against nature and potentially harming your health. There is increasing medical evidence that shows people who have a strong social network of friends and loved ones age better and live happier, longer lives than those who don't. There is a long list of ugly medical problems that arise from those who live as loners.

Bottom line: it's a question of balance. Do those things which you know you can handle on your own. But keep your social connections alive. Good luck!

Answer 3

No, no, you got it all wrong. A human is a social being, who needs the others to feel complete and to grow.

But in order to be able to love another human being, it is very important that you first get to know and love your own self, meaning to know exactly who you are, what are your personal opinions on everything.

This is necessary because you need to know what it is that you want, before going ahead and finding it. To rephrase it: How will you recognize what you're looking for if you don't even know what it is?

Only when you are happy with who you are, you'll be able to see the good in other people. Otherwise you'll get lost in someone else's perception of life, and you'll be unhappy because it isn't how you see it.

Answer 4

As long as the egoic. Mind is running your life. You cannot truly be at ease. You cannot be at peace or fulfilled. Except for brief intervals. When you obtained what you wanted. The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions? Whish creates a false self the ego. The ego’s needs are endless. It feels vulnerable and threatened and so lives in a state of fear and want?

Answer 5

You never lose the need for other people in your life. You just choose the ones you want in it. I went from a lot of people in my life to hardly any put the few that I still have are real big difference from before and a lot less tire ring.

Answer 6

Trust me. You'll figure it out. So called ' need ' amounts to dependence in the wrong thing. Indeed - no man is an island. A paradoxical mystery.

Answer 7

but a strong man is an island. be content with what you are and a little more self centred. change what you want to change but do it for yourself not others

Answer 8

excellent question. generally, dependencies are not ideal, and yet interacting with others is, especially as an independent person. there's much more, however, to leading a healthy, happy and "conscious" life. check out *the complete idiot's guide to toltec wisdom*, a very clearly understood manual to understanding human consciousness--how to benefit from its positives, and how to avoid the common pitfalls. it addresses your question in depth, and many more important ones, as well. highly recommended. good luck! :-)

Answer 9

stop defining who you are by the people you are with.... spend time alone and define who you really are (how do YOU like your eggs)... you are probably afraid of looking in the mirror. and while yes, the mirror can be pretty ugly, it is also beautiful to... once you see yourself, the good and the bad... focus on the good.

either that, or take pills.

Answer 10

People are attracted to and like people that don't want anything from them

Answer 11

its a basic human need to have others around and to have emotional bonds, you can still have this whilst sorting yourself out. just always remain true to you and youll be right.