My husband has adopted a "Taking Care of Me First" attitude that he heard from Dr. Phil. Now he is out exercising and spending time with his friends while I am home with the kids. Whenever I mention that he is taking too much time he always says, "I am taking care of ME first." When does that line get crossed from taking care of me FIRST to taking care of me ONLY?
2006-08-21 07:28:57 · 11 answers · asked by butnozzle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When it's me first to the exclusion of all else (which it sounds like it is) you have gone form being self preserving to self serving. There is a difference also between taking care of yourself and indulging yourself. Taking care of yourself can apply to exercising, but it does not include always hanging out with your friends. A good way to tell the difference is to ask yourself 'what will happen if I do/ do not do this? Will it cause problems for me now or in the future? If the answer is that it will- don't do it! The only thing you take care of by doing it is self gratification which is fun, but not necessary. Tell him if he really wants to take care of himself, he will take care of his responsibilities before they blow up in his face!
2006-08-21 07:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by blue 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has crossed the line to "taking care of me only". There has to be a balance. Too many times are we tilted one way or the other. I would talk to him about his new attitude. Let him know that you feel like although he is taking care of himself, he's negliecting his family.
You need to present it in a way in which you're asking him for a bit more balance and that you're not attacking the good things he's doing for himself.
If worse comes to worse, contact Dr. Phil. So he can visit his hero and be told that he's taking things the wrong way.
2006-08-21 08:11:44 · answer #2 · answered by -J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband really paid attention to Dr Phil he would have picked up on a couple of other of Dr Phils points like: Mariage isn't 50/50 it's 100/100. or the one where your husband should wake up every morning & ask himself "What can I do today, to make my wifes day a happier one"? I don't recall Dr Phil ever telling anyone that they should become so self absorbed that they forget about their other interests such as their wives, or their children. I guess it's about how each of us interpret things that we hear.
2006-08-21 07:43:12 · answer #3 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so lame... Try to come up with a routine that is fair to both of you. If you're both working, you need to share time with the kids as well. If you're a stay-at-home mom, it's only natural that you will be spending a great deal more time with the kids - but you still need a "you" time every once in a while. Depending on your situation, you may be able to recruit a relative's help, or hire a baby-sitter - and go out together sometime.
2006-08-21 07:37:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's already crossed that line. I would look into some counseling. He is acting like a child. If he desires to take care of him first, then he can do his own laundry and cooking, etc. Depending on location, he will find it very difficult to take care of him first when a good portion of funds goes to child and spousal support. Good Luck.
2006-08-21 07:39:54 · answer #5 · answered by Shanan D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he already has. Demand time together. Don't let him believe this is good for your relationship. What would Dr. Phil say about that???
2006-08-21 07:35:48 · answer #6 · answered by Zelda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure that Dr. Phil didn't mean for him to put himself before his marriage. You need to tell him to re-evaluate his situation and put in perspective what he needs to be taking care of. If you are not what his conclusion results in maybe you need to re-evalute your marrital situation.
2006-08-21 07:36:31 · answer #7 · answered by Jewells 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His self-preserving becomes self-serving when it begins costing those around him more than it should. When he stops being a partner and starts being a liability. Then he becomes self-serving.
2006-08-21 08:22:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's taken it a bit too far.
It's good to take care of yourself. It's not good when you take care of yourself to the exclusion of your family or put your family's well-being at risk.
All things in moderation.
2006-08-21 07:42:41 · answer #9 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take away the TV...dr. phil ain't always right dear!!
2006-08-21 07:35:50 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋