Please, help! Sex only twice per week and...........?

Question

My husband and I have only been married a month and a half. We have sex like twice a week. No forplay and I never get the big O. We've been together close to two years. He's given me oral about 10 times. It always blows my mind. We've talked about what we like and dislike. He's a selfish lover. I quit doing things for him sexually, because he doesn't for me. I've lost 35 pounds since we have been together. He says he's use to small women. Why did he marry me then. We argue all the time. I feel like giving up. Men ask me out all of the time. I've never had a problem getting, keeping or pleasing a man. He talks down to me all of the time, but says he's just playing and I shouldn't be so week. He use to be in to porn all the time. Then he would used the porn and not me. He tells me if he ever cheated on me I'd never know. He stays home except for work. He just makes me feel like I'm nothing. I'm frustrated and feel neglected. I don't want to cheat. What do I do?

Answer 1

Traditional marriage, properly understood, offers a richer account that begins to explain the significance of sexuality. According to tradition, marriage is not just a social construction, and thus only a contract with no objective and obligating requirements other than fulfilling the agreement; neither is it adequate to say that marriage is merely a relationship involving sex or long-term commitment. Marriage, as traditionally understood, is a “multi-level relationship that unites [a man and woman] at the bodily, emotional, dispositional, and spiritual levels of their being.” In short, it is a natural association inviting oneness in all aspects of the person. Sex facilitates this union in the following manner: “Though a male and female are complete individuals with respect to other functions — for example, nutrition, sensation, and locomotion — with respect to reproduction they are only potential parts of a mated pair, which is the complete organism capable of reproducing sexually. Even if the mated pair is sterile, intercourse, provided it is the reproductive behavior characteristic of the species, makes the copulating male and female one organism.” Together, a man and woman join with one another to become a single body capable of reproduction, forming a relationship unique in human experience. As sexual intercourse consummates the wedding — the “bringing together” in complementary completion — of the man and woman, it actualizes the marriage, quite literally, of two multidimensional individuals. This is the “becoming one flesh” described in the Bible and so often cited in ceremony. Such an understanding of sexuality not only restores meaning to the terms of our common language (“wedding” and “marriage”), but it also explains the intimacy typically recognized in discussions of sex: the closeness of lovers is made possible by the exclusive lock-and-key oneness of biological purpose. Applied to sexual relationships, law is what marks and secures commitment and, thereby, permanence of relationship between lovers. It means that significant moral reasons must be given if the relationship is to be severed and another intimacy pursued. Without the involvement of law, the commitment between individuals is lacking in substance; there is, in the end, no assurance that the relationship cannot be dissolved at will, even for the most frivolous of reasons.

Answer 2

It's only been a month and half. That's not a whole long time. Try some counseling. Some married women would be happen with twice a week. The problem might be because you hold out on him sexually. As a married woman, you should never do that, never cut off your blessing. Good luck.

Answer 3

Terrible. How did you not know about this stuff before the wedding? I'm almost convinced that you had overlooked something in the excitement of the dating process.

Be it advice from friends, or tell tale signs that you were too pumped up to pick up on, I think it went over your head.

Now that I have that off my chest....the solution.

I would try a number of things BEFORE therapy. Therapy is like the doctor for guys. Men don't go to the doctor because we refuse to admit that something is wrong or the illness/problem is something we can't handle ourselves. Suggesting therapy will piss him off.

Try something to initiate foreplay, something you don't ordinarily do. Why not try to work some porn into your sex life? Arguing is normal, but try not to argue about the trivial stuff. Tell him before he gets to have sex with you, he needs to do something for you first.

As far as the cheating thing goes, I'm almost sure he has already done that. Horrible as that sounds. It is so shitty, but I did the same thing when I cheated. I did almost everything but tell my girl that I was cheating. This is something that needs to be checked immediately.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I'd strongly suggest seeking a marriage counsellor and sorting through your feelings of neglect, cuz if you let the feelings built and fester, then things will only get worse. You need to communicate your feelings with him, whether through the counselling or on your own, and you need to get him to better understand what you want, and what you feel. Relationships require compromises from both sides, but if you love each other deeply then the compromise won't be so hard to make.

Answer 5

Id play his game on him. when he talks s h i t and says youd never know if he cheated, laugh and say, "yeah i know, you wouldnt have a clue if i cheated on you either!" talk down to him. do all the crap he's doing to you, to him.

Im not kidding when i say this, go to an adult store and buy a vibrator and learn how to get yourself off. I personally like those Pocket Rockets, it takes like one minute to get off with those. since he's not satisfying you, you need to get off some way. Also orgasms reduce stress.

If you have enough money or a good enough job, you can leave the jerk. otherwise you can try and get a better job (dont tell him youre doing this.) or you can go to college to get a trade (it takes only six months to become a skin care specialist and they make great money. i think its called an esthician or something.) Basically you'll need enough money to leave and get on your feet. He sounds like an a s s hole. Are you still in love with him? You could try to work it out. I said, Try.

but basically if he keeps up this s h i t after you trying to talk to him and fix stuff, I personally would leave him.

Answer 6

I say a guy like that doesn't deserve your time but you did marry him for a reason. if you feel confident enough to leave him I think that would be the best solution if not talk to him and let him know how he is making you feel. If he is worth keeping he'll change if not give him the damn boot . Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 7

Pardon for asking, but why did you marry this guy if he's such a jerk? If you can come up with the reasons that make your marriage worth it, then just accept him as he is - his habits are not likely to change just because he's with you now. If you can't accept him as he is - you will forever be frustrated.

Answer 8

Obviously, a case of mismatched libidos, egos, and desires. Try finding something you two can do together, develop an interest in, share. Weigh his pros and cons. If you love many things about him, decide if your sexual differences are that important. If they are to you, realize that people don't change. Some may try harder, but they are who they are. Only you can decide what's best.

Answer 9

Seek professional help. He may not tell you what is going on and keep it bundled up and just may tell a total stranger. Communication is a big key to a long lasting relationship. Good Luck!

Answer 10

girl its time to dump him like a bad habit, trust me I am now seperated from my husband who treated me the same way........there is so much more out there for u. I am a plus size and to my surprize guy love that. U have to decide its ur life but take from someone who was with him for 7 years it don't get any better it only get harder.