Anyone ever gone through a phase in their LONG-TERM relationships where they questioned their futures a bit?

Question

I've been with my fiance for the past two years and I love him dearly. We're set to get married in December and we're trying to start a baby thereafter. Right now, we're living seperately due to work situations. He travels alot, leaving me a bit lonely. Anyway, when I'm not with him, I miss him and know that we'll be ok, but has anyone ever gone through that phase where the newness wares off a bit? If so, how'd you get it back? I want to get butterflies everytime he calls....any ideas??

Answer 1

good luck 3 years seems to be my limit till i get bored

Answer 2

Everyone does. The butterflies become the solidness of love, trust, friendship, of being your other half, the person you find that without your life is not even half of what it is together. You can read some books to help the spark -- "For You Both" by Lonnie Barbach. She's the top sex therapist in the country, and has other books as well. The bibliography in the back is for other sex therapists. She gives you all sorts of little things to keep the sparkle alive. Get it and some others on Amazon.com. Can be at your house by Thursday, cheap, but worth every dime. The butterfly phase will last, max about 2-3 years, then the things that you do and build together in common become the basis of your relationship. Lots of couples find that one good way to stay connected is to have a weekly date -- sometimes it is in a motel room where you can be naughty again. It takes creativity to keep your love alive. Good luck, honey.

Answer 3

EVERYONE goes through this with great regularity...we get bored, then we reignite. The trick is to find the new triggers for re-ignition. And as far as the butterflies, this ain't no high school we are playing with .... that kind of stuff only happens in the beginning of any infatuation. You fall in love and you learn to trust...therefore, say goodbye to butterflies. On the other hand, I will have to admit, I was in one relationship where the butterflies never went away, and still I got bored. Luckily, there were triggers for re-ignition, but I cannot advise the root I found. It ended up a fight or f*ck relationship, the fighting always had the makeup section, balls to the walls sex, etc....but it wears you out over a long period, you begin to seek plain old peace of mind....After 16 years, it had to end...very painful, but I am still alive...I am not so sure I would have been had I stayed. Good luck

Answer 4

A long term relationship is more than just the butterflies when he calls. A long term relationship is loving each other in the bad times as well as the good times. I think that is the reason for the high divorce rate in this country, too many couples feel like it is all over when they suddenly dont feel the butterflies all the time.
I know from experience that people including me do stupid stuff when they suddenly feel like the SPARK is gone from their marriage. If you and your partner are truly commited to each other you will make it through it all!.

Answer 5

The "butterflies" won't be around forever, and it's a mistake to build a relationship around them. Being "in love" is like a drug, it can be addictive - but the initial high will not be sustained for very long, you just have to find other things about the relationship that are satisfying. I've been "high" on love several times, but ultimately ended up with a person who gives me a rock-solid sense on security, not the butterflies. And do not regret it for a second.

Answer 6

The honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. The butterflies are gone after about two years. I think people leave their significant others to find new mates in search of this because they think it SHOULD last forever. sorry :( But real love is sticking it out, and forgiving each other. I think true love is when you know everything good and bad about a person and still choose to love them anyway :)

Answer 7

I don't think you'll get back to the 'butterflies' stage. You need to move on to the next step in your relationship. You may not have butterflies but you'll have a sense of completion. Butterflies wear off and move on to the next young couple. Right now you are in transition because you're far off from each other and it's going to be hard. If you're really in love with him then be content with him. That's what I think.

Answer 8

Yes, it has happened to me. Its very depressing. New relationships are so exciting and it is only natural that the butterflies wear off after a while.

Its a tough thing to overcome, if it even can be...

But one suggestion I have is to try doing new things together. Like if you've never gone camping, with him try doing that. Maybe just changing up the usual day by day activities, things will be more exciting. Maybe you will learn something new about your fiance.

Answer 9

I get skeptical about our future when he makes me really angry and I am in a bad mood. I find when we are having fun together, making each other laugh and stuff, that is when I know that everything will be alright. I only had butterflies with him a few times, so I have no idea how to get them back. That is probably more of a lust thing that happens and I must be out of lust with him.

Answer 10

I was engaged back in 2000, I came to realize that I didn't love him anymore because he was a dreamer and wanted citizenship in my country...I broke it off because I knew our future would be divorce. If you are having these feelings right now, I am telling you go with your gut feeling. I did, and now I am married to the man of my dreams!

Answer 11

Please contact me if you find the answer to that one !!! LOL I have found that more "time" actually is the key (at least with me and my husband). We go through phases when we have not so good times and then eventually we move past it and everything feels really great and we remember why we married . Good luck with your impending marriage and family.