Strippers and Marriage?

Question

I've been married for almost seven years with two children. I am currently working away from home and my buddy took me to a strip club. He saw that I didn't look to be having as much fun as he was, so he bought me a lap dance. I went along thinking it may be amusing. What I'm still reeling from is how wonder full it was. Not so much the woman (though I have to admit eastern European women are hot) , but the attention that she gave me; the soft touches the gentle caresses. I realized that this attention is something I haven't had from my wife in many years. Our marriage has not been good in years. I still love her, but I don't think I'm in love with her anymore. I don't want to leave her because of the children. The first thing most of you are going to say is to communicate with her. Well that has been done many of times in the past about our non existent sex life and still no resolve there. Any advice???

Answer 1

how does the song go im n love with a stripper, man if u don't get ur mind right and go home 2 ur wife and let her know how much u love and r committed 2 her. the attention u got from the stripper should not b measured with the attention ur not getting from ur wife. the stripper is preforming 2 get n 2 ur pockets she's on the clock, when u leave it's the next guys turn. u don't need any advice u were a virgin & u got ur strip club cherry popped that's all.

Answer 2

Oh honey, the stripper got you hook line and sinker. I bartended in a strip club for the better part of ten years and you, my poor dear, were just taken. This happens alot and what you think you experienced was an illusion. This women doesn't give a damn about you, your personal life or anything else that won't benefit her. It's her job to make you feel that way to keep you coming back. It's how they get regular customers. Please don't fall victim to that. It leads nowhere and I've seen some girls practically drain a man's entire savings and then work on his weekly income by simply telling them what the man wants to hear.

I would love to wave a magic wand and have the marriage go back to normal again, but there isn't one. There is something that does work though, and that's going back to basics. You said that you work away from home, if that's the norm, then if you want to save your marriage, you are going to have to get a new job. (I know, finances, need, etc...but weigh the money vs. a life of happiness with your family...you might see it differently). You and your wife have become strangers. You say there is no sex, well how would you expect there to be when you two are leading separate lives. You can talk until the cows come home, but until you actually take some action, nothing is going to change. Taker her out on a date, send her some flowers, call just to say hello. You have to reconnect. People fall in and out of love with each other all the time during a marriage, it's just the way it is. During that time, alot of people file for divorce, only to realize they still love their spouse and now it's too late....don't do that, give it every last ditch effort you can possibly think of. Give until you have nothing left to give, and then give some more. Your wife probably knows there is something wrong too, once you two start to reconnect as husband and wife, you'll be able to start working on what wrong and make it right.

Answer 3

First of all that is a strippers job to make you feel wanted so you can fill her pocket. They want you to think that you are above this world. But if you're seriously Not in love with your wife you should be frank with her. And please don't break it off because a stripper showed interest in you. You and your wife should talk about what is missing in the relationship sex, communication whatever the problem is and let her know the feelings you are having being completely honest will help I PROMISE good luck

Answer 4

First of all, let me say that there is nothing wrong with a married man going to a strip club....but....if you are having problems at home, then it's not really the best idea in the world. And you have to remember....that's the strippers job to make you feel that way...they want you to come back and give them more of your money. Communication doesn't always work if you aren't doing it the right way. Different people communicate in different ways. Maybe the two of you just don't know "how" to communicate with each other. I'm not sure what about your marriage hasn't been good....if it's juts the sex, attention, intimacy, etc...then you really aren't doing so bad. Your wife may not feel that she gets those things from you. Sometimes people will not give what they don't get....and not even realize they are doing it. You can't just sit back and expect her to "make the first move." You may have to be the one to do it...Sometimes things just get so "comfortable" and you forget to work for it. Life gets in the way (kids, work, money, family problems...it all adds up). Stop talking about and looking for something that's not there and (re)create it yourself. If you make the first move, your wife will more than likely follow your lead. It won't happen overnight...it takes time...so don't just assume if she doesn't reciprocate immediately that it won't work out. And you can't just "jump" into it, either....you will have to ease back into it...it helps to talk about it, but it's not necessary. Just make your move...and make it a good one.

Answer 5

First let's get the "I love her...but I'm not in love with her". That's BS. Guys always say that to ease off the guilt. Let's face it you want some strange stuff and you're looking for a rationale that would justify you going out and getting some.

Second. You are standing at a crossroad in your life. To cheat or not to cheat...that is the question? You need to look at secondary and tertiary effects before you do. You need to loook at the possibility of getting caught. Cheating isn't a one time thing. If you're starved for pushy then cheating once isn't going to satisfy you. That's just going to wet the appitite. Then you'll look into a GF on the side. Married or single which is better. Other than rubbing one out you will have to let the other woman in on your secret. Now you have a potential security breach. IF she falls in love with you then you're screwed. If you pish her off then you're screwed. There are many many scenerios you can visualize here.

Third. You need to calculate the amount of child support you are going to have to pay (typically 20% for the first child, 25% for the second etc....). Because you are going to get caught eventually. Also include 1/2 of your house, 1/2 of your pension and 1/2 of any maritial assets. Then calcualte the effects it will have on your children (the new dad, BF and your new GF etc...)

The costs of cheating are really too great for the benefits of the pleasure. My advice is to get your wife into counseling, keep your honor and move with integrity.

By the way she didn't caress you out of affection. SHe caressed you out of financial need. I used to detox many cocaine user and the many of them were strippers. They were on the " coco-loco" diet and would do anything for cash.

CHeck out the following website. It will answer you questions much better than I can.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Good luck

Answer 6

Strippers aside, sounds like your marriage does need work... If you've tried communicating, but it isn't working - perhaps you two would consider marriage counseling? Strippers get paid to give you attention, and counselors get paid to help you resolve problems when you feel "stuck".

Answer 7

Strippers aside, it's obvious that your experience brought back feelings that you forgot you were even missing. I'm sorry to hear that your marriage is in a low point. Obviously, since you have two children, you and your wife were very close in the past. That's normal. Early in relationships, your brain is riding some pretty potent chemicals. That's where you get the feeling of being in love. But those chemicals subside after a few years, and then those feelings drift away. That's just how the brain works. But it is possible to get those feelings back, but it takes a lot of work.

Communication is important. But just talking about the "stuff on top" isn't enough. Sure, you can tell her you want a better sex life, but why? Is it just about the feelings you get from the act? You wife might think that, which could be a turn-off. Is it about feeling intimate?

One thing you need to understand is that sex is a byproduct of your relationship. Your relationship is not a byproduct of sex. You can't just have more sex and expect your relationship to improve. Your relationship needs to improve first, and sex will be an organic expression of the closeness you already feel.

Yes, you can talk about sex, and how you're frustrated that you're not intimate in that way anymore, and it could be that your wife feels the same way. But I think women are a bit different than men. Men, in my experience, can be ready to go at the drop of a hat. But women, in my experience, aren't like that. They seem to need to be drawn to the man, energized in that way. So, whatever it was that drew her to you at the beginning of your relationship, may have dissipated in her mind.

For example, when I first started dating my wife, I wore collared shirts daily. For a long time, after we were married, I wore collared shirts very rarely, and my wife missed it. It's a simple example, and I think that's the point. It's just a small thing than really drew her to me.

For another example, when we first started dating, we were often spontaneous, and that spontaneity translated in her mind to adventurousness. She loved it. As our marriage fell into routine, the adventurousness of our early dating lives disappeared, and she missed it.

Understanding your wife, and what she loves, and making the effort provide those things to her, even if it seems like too much of an effort, and she should just understand, doing those things for her will draw her back to you. And being drawn back to you, she will do her best to love you in return. That's how you reignite the spark. It comes from feeling loved, wanted, desired, appreciated. When you do that for each other, make each other feel loved, appreciated, desired, then sex will arise organically from that love.

But your motivation shouldn't be selfish. You shouldn't do these things for your wife to get sex out of it. That's manipulation. Not only is it wrong, but it also wears thin, and your wife will see it, and that will only drive her further away. You motivation must be to love her. Pure and simple. You married her because you loved her, felt that she was a worthy person, someone you wanted to spend your life with. Go back to that root. Just love her because she's her. She's fun, and interesting, and lovely. Buy her a rose on your way home from work, just because she's amazing and deserves it. Take her out on a dinner date, because you love spending time with her, and don't want to be distracted by other things. Hold her hand, because you just can't help yourself. Tell your kids how amazing she is. Tell them your favorite stories of her from when you were dating. Make dinner for her, do the laundry, vacuum the floors, just because she's had a long day and needs a break.

This is what marriage is for. It isn't to make you happy. It's so that you can make your spouse happy. If you have any other attitude, you won't be happy. This doesn't mean keeping your frustrations to yourself, or being a slave without any reciprocation, or not fighting. It just means that she should be your focus, and not yourself.

If you do fight, keep loving her even while your fighting. Continue to open the door for her. Hold her hand, look into her eyes. Get her a drink to sooth her throat after all that yelling. Take the garbage out, empty the dishwasher. Show her that even though you're fighting, you still love her, still accept her.

All of this will be difficult. But believe me, it will be well worth it.

Answer 8

i would ask her if she would mind taking a couple of stripping class and tell her that it would really turn you on to see her strip for you. If she say yes then go a head try it that way 1st my hubby loves it when i come out of no where and do it for him when i 1st started taking the class he would have the kids home in bed when i got home b/c he was so xsded... about what i had learned and he really could not wait till i showed him what i learn in class....
you can find a lot of these class at gym's
it is not only good for the relashship but also it is a good work out for her she will also fell good about her self when she get's home and that goodness is going to be taken out on you.

Answer 9

see, point made, Satan's little helpers come in all shapes and forms, marriage is hard work, the grass may looker greener on the other side , but remember it takes alot more mowing and up keep , sounds like you have a good woman at home, next trip, try hard to be a good hubby not out hitting the bars, I'm sure while you were gone she was not out comparison shopping

Answer 10

Do something you used to do all the time. You know when you first got together, like take her roller blading or bike ridding something fun and enjoying for both of you. But look don't stay together because of the kids because sometimes that just makes it worse.