she has asked me for divorce, she has had two affairs with 2 different married men in the past 3 months. Now she has filed for divorce. I don't want a divorce. What can I do? Neither of the married men are willing to leave their wives and kids. We have no kids. I just love her.
2006-08-21 06:32:21 · 60 answers · asked by Jim H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well I hate it say it, but it sure sounds to me like she doesn't love you very much at all... get a good lawyer, man... her infidelity is a serious problem and your divorce should benefit you.
2006-08-21 06:38:31 · answer #1 · answered by Suicidal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do us a favor and take the "walk all over me" sign off your back. Honey, this lady doesn't know the first meaning of love, nor does she seem to understand committment. And I don't think yahoo would allow my comments about her screwing married men, so we'll just focus on you. At what point did your self esteem become so low that you are willing to over look the ultimate betrayal? I mean when did this stop becoming a we thing and start becoming a her thing? What part of your mind makes this acceptable? I'm not criticizing you, I just can't comprehend how or why you'd still want to be apart of this. This isn't going to get any better for you, you can't love someone who doesn't love you honey. She's going to keep doing this and eventually she is going to file for a divorce, and eventually, she'll be awarded one, no matter how hard you try to fight it. Just let it go, get the divorce. You'll go through a mourning period, a self evaluation stage and then you'll start to heal and move on, which is what you need to do. You are better than this, you deserve better than this and it's time you start believing that you matter, your feelings matter and someone is going to love you for you!
2006-08-21 06:50:00 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey man,
It's time to take your head out of the sand. First you don't have any control over her actions. YOu can't prevent the divorce. Most of the states have "no fault" divorces. SO she can file with or without your permission.
Second. She has cheated on you two times (that you know about). SHe has made the break from you....it's over and you need to accept that....you don't have to like it.....but you definately have to accept it.
Third you have chosen a mate poorly. It may seem bad but you should learn from your mistakes and move on. Jus tbe more selective in the future.
CHeck out the following website. It can answer you questions much better than I can. Just thank God you didn't have any children. Then this would be tragic.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck,
I know the pain you're feeling...but it's time to let go.
2006-08-21 06:48:22 · answer #3 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. If she wants a divorce then you have to give it to her. Do you really wanna be with someone who hurts you so much, and who you'll never be able to trust? Those two things are what holds a marriage together - love and trust. There are sooo many single women out there looking for someone like you. You deserve better then what you're getting. Unfortunately we can't make people love us, and some people are just never satisfied. They always think the grass is greener on the other side 'til they get there. Your wife sounds like one of those people. If she's had that many affairs in that short of a time, she's obviously looking for something. You sound very sweet and I'm sure you'll find someone that will be just as in love with you as you are with them. Good luck!
2006-08-21 06:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by Kimber 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry to have to be so blunt about this, and please forgive me...I do NOT intend to add to your misery.
1) What you can do is grow a spine. She has lost repect for you ... you are far too forgiving, far too adult for her! She obviously likes bad boys, and I can tell you are not one of them...so, get some back bone
2) Once you have a sprout of backbone growing, you will see that this one is NOT for you...there are many, many women out there who have actually grown up and will appreciate your qualities (which look to be plenty). With this new backbone, kick her butt out the door and let her find out just how wonderful all those married men are!
3) File for divorce immediately, beat her to the punch! Once that is done,
4) Start dating...and for heavens sake, DO NOT TALK ABOUT THIS WOMAN TO ANYONE! You do NOT want the world thinkin g you are a whimp. I know you are not, but others will think that, trust me!
5) Do Not Talk About This Woman with anyone you are dating....this kind of stuff is a real turn off to EVERYONE!
6)Give yourself time and you will heal up, get on with your life, and feel great about yourself. Your ego is on the floor right now, but get to work on it, get a life, and enjoy. Good luck
2006-08-21 06:53:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do u love her or love the idea of her & what she used to be. because i doubt that when u married her, she was this adulturing horn dog. 2 men in the past 3 mos? whew-she's a buzy bee. did she tell u or did u find out on ur own. i feel that if she told u, then she is looking for attention & for approval that u still love her. if u found out, it sounds like by her filing for divorce, that she wanted u 2 find out so u have a reason to divorce her-but her plan backfired b/c u want to be with her still. does she still make u happy? can you forgive her, and convince her to work on the marriage? if so-u can't always bring up the cheating. it's either all or nothing.
good luck with that, Doormat.
2006-08-21 06:41:02 · answer #6 · answered by km 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi...sorry this has happened to you...But..2 affairs in 3months!..wow...This does not look good,buddy. I suggest getting a good lawyer,QUICK. She has already filed for the divorce..but you need a lawyer to protect the things she HASNT taken yet.It will be tough at first...but you will be fine.I mean Think about this...Could you ever TRUST her again? I know I couldnt.And what kind of marriage does anyone have without TRUST? Trust is a very fragile thing...and after someone takes advantage of mine..Im DONE. FOREVER..I sure hope everything goes alright for you...I wish you all the Best!!! Take Care!
2006-08-21 06:53:02 · answer #7 · answered by mrssmokestack003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get this straight. First, you don't love her, you love the idea of what you have of her, and they are not the same. Secondly, you have become used to the convenience of having her around, but, god, man, you sure are a door mat.... You are the "jerk in reserve". It takes three things for mariages and relationships to work: Respect, Admiration, and Passion. Toss in some trust, too. It does't appear she has any of these for you or your relationship, and you sure can't trust her, and how in hell, can you admire and respect a babe who is sleeping around???? Further, she is as dumb as a sack of rocks -- no guy is going to dump his family for someone who sleeps around....I'd suggest you yourself get into some counseling to figure out why you have no self esteem, and are willing to put up with this. There are lots of women out there who would love to meet a guy who wants to be in a stable, loving relationship..... go ahead, get the divorce, get over it, then get onto Yahoo Personals, Match.com. Check out some of those women ahead of time...... they too have been betrayed, and all they want is a nice guy, have a family. You are probably a sweetie, but you have married a female canine in hormonal overdrive. Good luck, hon. Been there, was betrayed big time, got out, and found the nice guy on Yahoo. If I had met him first, would have picked him over the one I had married, and stayed married to for 18 years.
2006-08-21 06:50:31 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can try to go to counseling, but there is no need to keep her in the marriage against her will. If you do that she will wind up even more angry with you and come to despise you. If she is not open to counseling then I would sign the papers and go on with your life. I understand marriage is a HUGE committment, however it takes two people to work at the marriage. so many people are so quick to file for divorce when times get rough, but it sounds like she went about it by sleeping with two other married me. It kills me to see how many people are unfaithful to their spouses...i wouldn't want to be with my husband if he cheated on me twice in 3 months - your wife should have come to talk to you about the problems rather than sleeping with two other people.
2006-08-21 06:42:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about what is going on. A breakdown in communication will cause a marriage to fall apart. Tell her what you wrote on here and that you are willing to forgive her and the affairs. See if she will go to marriage counseling. When women have affairs, there is usually something missing in their marriage and they are looking for an emotional connection. Find out what is missing in your marriage and work on it so you can give your wife what she is missing. You need to talk to each other.
2006-08-21 06:43:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your troubles but since you don't have kids I think it would be best for you to just move on. Do you really want a wife that cheats on you? Really you could do soooo much better, she is out there waiting for you. It's not easy to let someone you love go but do whats best for the both of you.
2006-08-21 06:39:34 · answer #11 · answered by Tammy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋