my boyfriend thinks I am a bot I guess.I am not turned on by sex as much Its the quiet looks and being held and soft music and pillow talk ~ thats what tells me he loves me. He tells me ,he shows me he loves me in other ways. I love his other ways (like fixing my car and going to the bank) but .....we are having a comunication problem...not by word but by action.
would you just Shut up and jump him everytime he waters the flowers and forget about intimacy in a relationship?
I would like to hear how you other guys and girls learned about intimacy and help me out!!!
ps I really do notice the other things he does for me and I am honored he loves me. thanks
2006-08-21 05:39:13 · 8 answers · asked by to tell ya the truth........... 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The things that you say you are looking for are examples of romantic gestures and not of intimacy (except for the pillow talk). It's good that you at least recognize that he is expressing his love to you in other ways.
There's a book about "Love Languages" that talks about 5 different ways people express love: (1) Gift giving, (2) Physical Touch and Closeness, (3) Words of Encouragement, (4) Acts of Service, (5) Time Spent Together.
It sounds like you two express love differently. If that's true, he may not feel like you love him with the things that you do. He may also be waiting for something else. You need to sit down and talk about how you each express your love differently, and how you can learn to also express your love in a way the other understands.
When you understand where the other person is coming from and you love that person, you tend to try to do the things that will please that person. That said, you won't ever be able to totally change him into expressing his feelings for you with romantic gestures. It would be much better to continue to recognize and appreciate all the ways he expresses love for you and to go crazy with excitement when he steps out of the norm and does something special or different to show his love for you. Great enthusiasm and appreciation will go a long way toward encouraging him to try more in that direction.
2006-08-21 05:56:26 · answer #1 · answered by happygirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I remember when me and my husband started going out, we didn't have the sweet stuff that most people had, we had that lusty, Im going to go crazy if I don't have you now kind of lovemaking. Three years later, it has toned down, but every now and then I have to tell him what I want. More than likely when we make love it is sweet and nice and comfy, but I have to tell him when I want it different. Expecting a man to know what we want if we don't tell them is kind of unrealistic. These men, they aren't mind readers and if they were they would have the upper hand! lol, if you want something, ask for it and more than likely he will deliver. I know that you want a pop up, out of the blue, husband brings flowers when he gets in from work, drag him in a room full of candles and soft music sort of intimacy, but that will most likely not happen unless you tell him that is what you want one day. Talking and wanting him to know what you want is essential. Communication is the key..everybody has to learn. And I know that I learn something new everyday! Don't ever forget about intimacy, but don't expect it everytime, hot sex, quickies, and everything else has their advantages. Just experiment a little, you might not know what you like until you try it out!
2006-08-21 12:54:00 · answer #2 · answered by Lyndsey H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem is, he doesn't seem to understand women. You can't really teach that. He has to learn it on his own. Telling him doesn't seem to do the tick, does it? A guy has to learn how to pleasure a woman, and that doesn't necessarily mean, as you say, to jump in the sack and give her a mind blowing orgasm. You have to get in their heads first, in order to give that kind of ecstasy. And as I said, it's pretty tough to just tell him that.....it has to be learned, practiced and perfected.
2006-08-21 12:57:04 · answer #3 · answered by stringemuphigh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how bout explainin to him you mite not always just want intercourse, but sometimes would enjoy it more if you two would relax n cuddle up on the couch, watchin a movie & chat or sumtin... you cud drop a hint that if you feel so good etc from that that you wudnt mind some more intimate things afterwards.... both of you would get what they want that way...
2006-08-21 12:46:51 · answer #4 · answered by Blind Wing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Intimacy is about closeness. It's about giving a big part of you to someone else.
2006-08-21 12:46:28 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication, communication, communication! Tell him you want more, show him what you want, for God sakes expand your horizons my dear. Your problem is all inside your head, get it out of there. Tell him!
2006-08-21 12:50:17 · answer #6 · answered by bprice215 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead teach him, practice with him!
2006-08-21 12:45:53 · answer #7 · answered by Jerdy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree wit blind wing 100%
2006-08-21 12:50:14 · answer #8 · answered by she devil 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋