I am thinking that a separation for a few months after 9 years would be good, maybe revive and both of us can get some rest. We have three kids under ten. Did separation help or hurt your marriage? Is this a good idea?
I can also take a temporary assignment in Fiji for three months ( seriously, this is an option) but I am thinking that is too far away, particularly if I take the kids away from their Dad. Please tell me your experience. Thanks.
2006-08-21 05:00:03 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No does not help at all only makes things worse
2006-08-21 05:07:56 · answer #1 · answered by dg_154u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I separated for about 8 months a few years back, and while separated, we did keep in contact with each other. At the time, we had one child, and he was very young, so he doesn't remember any of it. I didn't move too far away, I was only three towns away from him. He came to see us when he could, and we attended counseling together.
I must tell you, I was absolutely MISERABLE without him! One lady said I looked like death warmed over.
By the time I left where we had been living, my husband and I were back on the road to reconciliation, and we now have another son and 13 years of marriage altogether.
So, a short separation worked for us. I wouldn't recommend it for everyone, and I sure DO NOT intend to do that ever again.
2006-08-26 09:57:53 · answer #2 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the time of my seperation my children were 2 and 5. They adjusted really well. When I did get divorced they were in good spirits. There dad and I now share custody and it works out well. My children now 8 and 11, now understand that this was best. As for you assignment in Fuji, think of the life experience both you and your children will gain, Dad is always a phone call away. This will give you a chance to re think your marriage, see how your children will adjust and help you to better understand yourself (being alone that is) If after that time you shoul know if your husband is your true partner or if your life is turning another direction. Good- luck and always remember time does heal all things, It really does!
2006-08-29 04:20:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A seperation sounds good but it will only be good if both of you use that time good...meaning you both use that time to work on yourselves as well as remember why you fell in love with the other person in the first place. Most people don't do that it seems, they get tired, lonely, or bored and before you know it, they meet someone else who they think is more compatible and could keep up with them! This is especially not a good idea since you do have children together so stay together and try to make it work. Seperation would most likely cause the gap to be wider.
2006-08-21 05:15:31 · answer #4 · answered by Emi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No! It's the same as saying something you don't mean. How can you think, for a second, that threatening abandonment is a GOOD thing? That is mind games. If you seek only to control him through mental abuse -- sure, do it. If you want to fix or "revive" your marriage, be honest and express that to him. Start with "reviving" yourself. If I was your husband, I'd leave YOU; because you want a child, not a husband. You've "rested." Now wake up.
2006-08-28 07:35:49 · answer #5 · answered by georgia b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it did not help my marriage but it made me realize that I liked my freedom and if I stayed married all he would end up doing is holding me back from realizing my goals. I can't tell you if it is a good idea for your marriage because I don't know what happened for you to start considering a separation in the first place.
2006-08-21 05:41:10 · answer #6 · answered by yadi23669 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well..it can be better or worse.....cause if there is someone else into his life after you are gone...than you are doomed....just try to go away and see his reaction...only than try to work on your separation thing...cause the consequences will be the children...not the mom or dad cause we can have other half in no time if we choose to , but what about the beautiful and innocent children....will they get the fatherly or motherly love from a third person...so think before you do any thing stupid....that will crash the whole family ties...
2006-08-27 17:37:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Separation never works it henders the relationship. Have you both sat down and talked about what the problem is? Why are you wanting this separation in the 1st place?
Money, financial /?????? cheating / other women? Disagreements on child rearing?
You don't say....why you want this separation. TALK, communicate....and then seek marital couples counseling if all that fails!!
2006-08-28 23:21:58 · answer #8 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my wife asked for such time out, I knew the marriage was in trouble...it actually meant there were things she was more interested in pursuing and it didn't involve the family or myself...I declined such an arrangement and she followed through with her outside interest and eventually got her separation by me asking her to leave the home....turned out the grass wasn't greener on the other side and allowed her own lawn to die at the same time.
2006-08-21 05:31:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best is to stay together if the other want to leave let him go. If he wants to stay, then stay. Separation only opens your relationship up to "others" becoming a part of the problem. Most of the time you do not recover.
2006-08-27 15:02:24 · answer #10 · answered by sher7us 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, separation doesn't always work. Only if you two are on the same page and are willing to make efforts to improve the relationship. Possibly seek counseling before you go that route.
2006-08-21 05:50:41 · answer #11 · answered by Kesh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋