I have had sex before, but never liked it. I thought it was gross. I don't know why. And then when I fell in love with someone I wanted to wait, but then he didn't believe I loved him because I have had sex before. I don't know why I did this. I now am single and celibate. I also think sex is gross and feels nasty. It's so wet and gross. It never made me feel closer to anyone in a relationship. I don't know if any of this stems from sexual abuse in my childhood and my mom bringing guys home a lot.... but I don't think I should see a psychiatrist. I've already done that when I was younger and nothing came of it. Maybe it's just that I was too fast at first and now.. I'm just waiting. Is it normal to think sex is gross? Or do I feel this way due to having (essentially) meaningless sex.. as in I wasn't truly in love? Or from childhood rape? Or from a messed up childhood to begin with. And why can't some people forgive your past? If it's not who you are anymore?
2006-08-21 04:40:44 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
ln my opinion l feel that you will get out of these feelings when you find someone that you truly love and loves you back no matter what happened to you in the past. Someone that will love you for who are and not what you have done. But in all actual aspects this could have very well started because of what happened when you were younger. l would not worry about it as long as you believe in yourself and the Good Lord above you will over come.
2006-08-21 05:01:27 · answer #1 · answered by keely d 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sex can be great when you are with the right person. I think it's a great idea for you to wait until then. Does meaningless sex gross you out or just all sexual acts gross you out? Do you like kissing, heavy petting, or hugging?
It is very normal for girls who were mistreated, raped, or molested to have sexual issues. But I do suggest you see a doctor. As time passes you will want to partake in a loving realtionship and sex is a big part of that, because I don't think dislikeing sex is really the issue, I think there is more to it.
If someone in your present can't get over what you did in your past then you don't need this judgemental guy in your life.
2006-08-21 11:53:14 · answer #2 · answered by princesscutesmile 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not typical to find sex "gross" much past childhood...therapy may not have helped you in the past, but if you want to get to the root of the issue, and perhaps change it, then you should probably try it again (every doc and counselor is different...find someone who will help you)...
It's quite likely the rape has had an effect on your present view of sex...coupled with having had sex later that it sounds like you really didn't want...you've thus far had no reason to see sex as anything fun or positive...
...and it can be VERY fun and a wonderful experience...that's why it's so prevalent in the media and everywhere you look you see sexual ads or something with a sexual connotation...it's something a lot of people have on their mind with great frequency...
I hope you get the help you need to be able to enjoy it someday...good luck to you...
2006-08-21 11:50:41 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would say one reason it was gross for you is b/c it wasn't right person at right time. There is a reason to wait until marriage and that is one of them, b/c when done w/spouse it is beautiful. I can be so free with him and it isn't gross, but it was w/other guy b4 marriage. I also think your childhood has a large part in what you are going thru. You mentioned it quit a few times. I am thinking you are more adult now, and that now it the right time for therapy. Good luck to you. I hope you can make peace with yourself over the past.
Blessings
2006-08-21 11:50:16 · answer #4 · answered by jewessforjesus 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well from first hand experience I know how if feels when you've been raped as a child. And to be honest sex doesn't really appeal to me either. I do have sex with my boyfriend of 5 years but I don't like it. It feels more like a chore than anything. But I do love him and I do realize he has needs so I do take care of those needs. As for personal satisfaction it's not there for me. So when you feel alone your not there are others out there that do feel the same as you. Just not everyone will admit it. I think it takes a real person to admit something like that. It's something I think that needs to be worked on and that's easier said than done. As like you I also seen a therapist and it didn't work for me either. It's more like they put the blame on you for being raped and I didn't like that. A WOMAN DOES NOT ASKED TO BE RAPED!! I know this really probably didn't answer your question but I hope it did help make a difference that you are not alone out there.
2006-08-21 12:29:12 · answer #5 · answered by Sadie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't beat yourself up about the guy you fell in love with, saying you didn't love him because you had already had sex before. Whether or not you had already had sex does not have anything to do with loving someone. That is judgemental and cruel. Loving someone is all about accepting that person, their past and all.
As far as your repulsion, it appears that you have some traumatic baggage that is acting like a filter that distorts your current views on sex.
It also sounds like you are too ashamed to see a psychologist. Lots of women do for this type of difficulty. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You have traumatic stress associated with sex. A psychologist could help you expolre some alternative coping skills, and offer you a new perspective. I wouldn't recommend seeing a psychaitrist, either, because this type of problem is not physiological, but rather emotional and mental.
If you ever want to overcome the anxiety, you have to choose not to be a victim, and choose to be a survivor.
Get a couple of books or take a course online in Human Sexuality. You can empower yourelf with more knowledge on the subject. You could learn all about masturbation and it's benefits. Self discovery is one of the ways toward recovery. Discover ways to please yourself, and find out what you need.
As far as meaningless sex, many share pleasures without love and there is nothing wrong with that. Sex is better though, for many people when they are in love. When in love, people are less inhibited because of their comfort lever with their partner.
I would recommend seeking professional assistance with a psychologist. What could it hurt? It could only help. The baggage you are carrying will contaminate all future relationships.
You owe it to yourself to recover from your trauma, and give yourself a chance to let another human being fulfill you in the future.
You are right about your past not being you anymore. So quit letting it define who you have become now. Seek wisdom from your previous hardships. Some things don't just happen TO you, but rather FOR you. You have more experience than most, with learning about what you DON"T want from someone, and how hurtful being judged feels.....
When someone truly loves you, they trust you, they respect you, they accept you and EVERYTHING about you (and wouldn't change a thing) and they have empathy for you. There are no conditions or qualifiers.......
Forgive those who hurt you. Pity them. Get back at them by not letting this destroy you. The best revenge is to live well. Forgive yourelf for being affected. Allow yourself to feel experienced, rather than damaged. Forgive the loser who said you didn't love him. He doesn't know any better. Forgive his ingnorance. Only allow yourself to become emotionaly invested in those who accept you and inspire you to feel good about yourself.
Take care!
2006-08-21 12:38:02 · answer #6 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation but you are not alone. 1) Forgive yourself. What really matters is what you think. The first step is forgive the situation... it happened you can not change that. You can learn from it that means you gained something :) See don't you feel better already.
2) the intimate stuff is tough... you need to find the right person for the right reason and ease into things.
3) The fact is...it is messy ... It is designed that way
4) I would say talk to close friends and family/
Best of luck.
2006-08-21 12:45:55 · answer #7 · answered by calmman7 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear about your childhod, maybe some of your thoughts and feelings about sex comes from your past. But also remember sex can be a wonderful thing as well. You don't neccesarry want to tell a guy your past history unless you feel in your heart loves you. And sometimes guys can be jerks he should of respected the fact that you were not ready to ingage in sex cause you were not ready regardless of the fact you had sex before.
2006-08-21 11:53:12 · answer #8 · answered by natsforyou_formytwo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I bet it stems from your childhood. Sex or molestation then wasn't enjoyable, therefore you see sex as not a good thing. What you need to do is pray that you can forgive this horrible person who hurt you, and you need to do it with your whole heart, and then you can move on. Sex is a beautiful thing shared between two people who love eachother. I pray that you find that someday. It's a gift from God to the husband and wife.
2006-08-21 11:48:10 · answer #9 · answered by mama 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I would just rather go my life without it honestly. I have some sort of repressed memories when I was a kid but can't actually remember the act of being molested, but i know something happened. I've been married for a 10 years and feel obligated to do it but hate it too. Sorry I don't have the answers but I'm with ya girl. Sad thing ) =
2006-08-21 11:47:18 · answer #10 · answered by coconut 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋