I need help dealing with a friend of mine........?

Question

Today, I went to a going away party for a friend of mine who is leaving for college. Most of the party was made up of friends from her church, so I didn't know most of them. Almost all of these people were incredibly rude to me and half of them didn't even say "hello" when I was introduced to them. I had one other good friend there, and I hoped him being there would make the party more enjoyable. I was wrong. He flat out ignored me, he didn't look at me, didn't talk to me, and spent all his time hanging out with his other friends (he also goes to the same church). I didn't expect him to spend all day with me, but his attitude toward me hurt me very much. He didn't say one word to me while I was there. I was so mad, I left early and cried all the way home, and in my rage, sent him an email telling him no longer considered him my friend. Did I do the right thing? Any advice for me?
THANK YOU!!

Answer 1

I can DEFINITELY understand your hurt here. I've been in a situation like that before, also with church people, strangely enough--and left feeling very hurt and self-conscious.

HOWEVER, I don't know if you made the right choice sending him that email. Not that it matters now since it already happened, but what might have been better in that situation is to write out all your justifiably angry feelings as a letter to him, except not send it. Then wait a few days and explain to him, gently and maturely, why you felt like an outsider at the party and why your feelings were hurt. It might get a better reaction.

Depending on how he responds to the email, I would talk it out with him and explain that you're sorry you acted so harshly, but that your feelings were REALLY hurt, and explain why. Maybe he'll understand. If he doesn't, he's not worth having as a friend anyway.

I hope you feel better soon.

Answer 2

Hello,

Sorry to hear about what happened. So you were invited to a party where there is nobody you know well. And it seems that people were not very friendly there.

Sometimes it hurts to expect that you will enjoy the event but it turned out differently. But you just need to know that you were invited by the host because you were someone special. Otherwise why would she invited you? Another thing is that your other friend might be involved with the other people and didn't really notice that you didn't know anyone else there.

Parties are common place to meet different people, and not people are not always friendly. If you were not happy with the situation, you did the right choice by leaving, but at least you showed to the host that you went there and respect the invitation. but there is noone to be blame when the party goes cold. Your other friend would probably care about you more in a different situation, so my suggestion is don't worry too much about this event. You will find more parties in the future and some are good, some are sucks.

Not everyone is a social butterfly so really, I would not worry at all.

Answer 3

Well, I don't know what kind of church that was, but they surely don't follow the "love thy neighbor" tenet very well. Sadly, this isn't the first time I've heard of less-than-pleasant experiences by non-members of a given church, etc. For some reason they can often be very cliquish; frankly I am at a loss to understand why. You would think that they would eagerly accept you and possibly even go out of their way to be nice as you could be a future new member of their church. My philosophy is that you are better off without knowing rude and snobbish people like that who are hiding behind their religion to disguise their bad behavior.

As far as your friend goes, there is no excuse for him snubbing you whatsoever. I'd wait and see if he responds; if he doesn't, then you know he wasn't a true friend in the first place. Even if he does come up with some excuse, what it boils down to is that a real friend would not have ignored you, especially in a situation like that.

There are plenty of honest, non-phony people out there who would make excellent friends.

Hope this helped.

Answer 4

1) ...sent him an email telling him no longer considered him my friend. Did I do the right thing?

Well I think you might have been a bit too hasty but considering that you were hurt it does make sense. Above everything else at least he knows how him ignoring you in that type of social situation affected you.

2) Any advice for me?

If you truly value him as a friend try to salvage the relationship. I hope he has enough sense to realize that he really did hurt you and comes to you and not vice versa. If not, be the bigger person and patiently and maturely explain to him how his actions made you feel. If he disregards you and does not take note of your feelings then I would highly recommend that you cease being friends with him. Obviously, him not caring about how he made you feel would speak volumes about his feelings towards you.

Answer 5

Did you try to include yourself in the conversation a bit? Did you give your friend the opportunity to explain why he wasn't talking to you at the party? If you didn't then i think writing a "your not my friend" email was jumping the gun a bit. You probably should have given yourself time to cool off and then asked to talk to your friend about why you were treated like that at the party.

Then, after whatever reason he gave you you could take it from there but things like that really need to be talked about in person. It will make you look strong and show that you hold yourself with higher esteem. : )

Answer 6

What happened to evoke such feelings in these people? It seems your "friend" has been doing some back stabbing, or so it would appear. How crazy is it foe "church people" to invite you to a party and treat you badly? That is terrible. If your friend didn't want you there, he/she shouldn't have invited you...it is just plain mean and cruel to invite someone and then not take care of them once they get there to Honor you! That is bad manners. These people don't deserve to be friends with you. I suggest getting new friends, you don't need these losers...associate with people who are nice and confident and have some morals and good values. and aren't hypocrites! I'm sorry you had that experience...those people are just immature rookies in Life...they don't know how to act right. That is not your fault. Just turn around, don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they bothered you at all...just don't ever speak to them at all...ever again...let them figure it out on their own. Be free to make new/better friends with more class than that. You owe it to yourself. We can only be victims if we allow ourselves to be victims. Don't be a victim, it's not pretty.

Answer 7

Well, I guess this guy is no longer your friend, but it sounds like he was'nt much of one to begin with. It is really hard to find honorable friends. It is true that if you have just a couple in your whole life you will be considered fortunate. Many "friends" come and go and if you keep being a good friend yourself and not settle for anyone hurting you like that then eventually you will come across someone who you really can call a "friend".

Answer 8

for those people that ignored you... there snobs... and I can't even fathem the idea that church members would ignore you... in the eyes of the lord those members have just sinned and when it comes to THIER judgement they will be judged accrodingly. AS for you... its only a bad night. Any person that treats you like that should not be called a friend... You did the right thing. Good for you

Answer 9

Ending a friendship over a one-time incident is rash. Aren't you just as mad at the person that invited you? Did you send her a similar e-mail?

You need to explain to both of these friends that you felt very upset and you feel like they ignored you. I'm sure they did not do it on purpose, and will apologize immediately.

It's difficult when you get groups of friends together from different areas of your life. Imagine inviting a friend of yours to a family reunion. They would feel awkward because they didn't know anyone there, yet you'd want to socialize with your family.

Give your friends a chance to apologize before severing all ties.

Answer 10

when some one ignores u just do the same ignore him/her but don't get attitude as if it was so important to u and ur die-ng coz they didn't say hello or ur friend spent the party time hanging out with others... all u do just ignore them and when they come to u n talk to u just be normal as if u expect nothin from them act so cool as if nothing has happened ...at this point they will come to know that u are easy going if they talk to u u talk to them back if they don't u wont or other word just On ur Sweet @$$ , trust me that's the way i deal with my friends if i try to get close to them they try to get away one step if i don't give a damn about them they get close ... like ppl if they like u if they don't NO PROBLEM