i went to church last night and the Lord blessed me...i feel like a ton has been lifted off of me..?

Question

i went home and told my (common law married) boyfriend (and i'm pregnant with his child)this and he asked me "again" to get married...i told him i'm not ready...him and i still have a LOT of issues to work out..i know in my heart that if we get married it will only make our issues worst right now...i do want to marry him...but not any time soon...i just don't know what to think right now about this whole situation...i am confused....can i get your opinion on what you think???thank you

Answer 1

I have been a therapist for a number of years, and I'd like to look at your situation: Firstly, I think that you are on the right track by going to church and seeking the support and guidance from scripture. Continue this. However, I am concerned that you are in a living arrangement that has undefinded issues, and a child has been conceived. Perhaps many people would suggest that additional information is needed to give you feedback, and to some degree, it would be helpful to know what specific things you are fearful of or confused about in this relationship. But this is clear - you are young and you will need a stable environment to take care of and to rear a child. Stability entails a home where there is adequate income, and a mother and father who are committed to sharing in the day to day responsibilities of child care. This type of committment is best provided by two individuals who are married since child care and rearing will last at a minimum of 18 years. Children grow up stigmatized by unwed parents; and they are harmed by parents who struggle in their relationship because of various problems. The true issue, as I see it is: are the two of you mature enough to sit down and examine carefully the pure and specific troubles that currently plaugues your relationship? And, can you together develop plans to resolve your difficulties, so that this child will have two reasonably healthy headed parents to give him or her a chance in this life to survive without terrible scares?

Marriage is not the issue right now, but sitting down together and battling it out and agrreeing how the two of you will work to take care of this child. Some times people have difficulty sitting down together and talking; developing plans; and sticking with their agreements. This is usually the time to find someone who is trained to work with couples..it may be worth the investment. However, if you chose not to go this route, you must sit down with your concerns - both of you. These concerns must be articulated/discussed, and plans and actions must be consistently taken for the sake of the relationship and the baby.

If you have great concerns about this man then let him know what they are. Afterwards, you must be satisfied regarding any agreement he makes to change. And you need to see the change occur over a period of time. If you have problems that are causing the relationship challenges, then you must get to work on them with vigor as well.

As you consider what I've said, please be reminded that you will require ongoing prenatal care. In addtion, you will need to keep the stress level minimized for the health of both you and the baby. Supports systems are cruial during preganicies, and as you iron out your struggles, find a level headed support person to confide in, if you are unable to work out a solution with your boyfried. This baby will need at least one stable person to care for him - and the bottom line is that he and God have designated you as that person.

Take care and email me if you need additional feedback. [e-mail]

Answer 2

You have prefaced your question with a statement about your attendance at church and its effect on you. I would have thought, then, that your question is easily resolved by the teachings of your church. But apart from that, if you are living with this guy and you are carrying his child, then you should marry him. But if you stick to believing "not any time soon", then you must question your whole relationship with him. If it is a failed relationship, then it will never be the right time for you.

It is important for the child that you get this right, and on balance, it is better for the child to have a stable and loving relationship in marriage. Sorry I can't be more helpful, but you do not explain what these "issues" are that you are talking about. I note, however, that he is wanting to get married. What on earth is stopping you?

Answer 3

completely predictable. Obama replaced into anointed candidate via the clicking rather a at the same time as in the past. you could actually no longer rather blame him for arrogance via fact the equipment seems geared to coach marginal front-runners into overwhelming favorites and, then, winners. What i'm thinking is why there ever replaced right into a equipment of so-called super delegates created in the event that they are expected to fall into line like sturdy military privates at the back of the so-called will of the human beings, i.e. that Obama has piled up a "outstanding" 2 or 3 % margin in those variety of primaries. it rather is strictly the variety of neck and neck and race the place the "superdelegates' could be workout their autonomous reasoning - the meant understanding that have been given them superdelegate status - instead of appearing like a stampeding herd of buffaloes. This does not and should no longer unavoidably recommend that they could help Hillary yet they might desire to pause and mirror instead of in basic terms stick to the gang, incredibly while that crowd has no longer given Obama an enormously outstanding lead in any respect.

Answer 4

You can't be a faithful Christian and live in sin at the same time. If you believe so strongly in GOD then you must follow HIS law. You must be married before having a baby and you aren't supposed to live with a man other than your husband. And of course no sex w/out the wedding ring.
It's great that you go to church and feel blessed, but how are you saying thank you to GOD? By ignoring him & claiming to be a Christian but live otherwise? That is hyprocrisy & GOD is not pleased, gaurantee it.

Answer 5

Just keep doing what you're doing. I too have felt this way upon leaving church (although it's been a couple years since I've been). It's one of the most awesome feelings in the world! God bless you. If you're not ready, you're not ready. He loves you, so he'll wait. If he doesn't, it wasn't meant to be...I'm sure he does though, so he's just gonna have to be patient. The prize will be worth waiting for, you're doing the right thing.

Answer 6

Well I think your decision to not get married is a very mature one. Most people rush into things that they aren't ready for. So good job on that one. Don't be confused just give it time. Maybe you guys aren't married yet for a reason and it's better that you don't rush things.

Answer 7

Well, you went to church, and you enjoyed it right? Many pastors offer premarital counseling and since you do want to marry him that's what sort of counseling it would be. Ask your pastor if he offers premarital counseling or would recommend anyone. Then tell your boyfriend that's what it will take if he wants to marry you.

Answer 8

I can understand if you are not ready to get married.
But you can't keep living together and having kids out of wedlock if you are really serious about God. So you have more to think about than you realize.

Answer 9

Will you should get marie before the babby comes

Answer 10

i think that if the lord blessed you yesterday, you can go to him and he will help you. that is one thing that you must begin to trust. just listen and follow your heart.