Lied for 5 years?

Question

im going to rephrase my question here since people seem to be missing the biggest point. my husband has been lying to me the entire time weve been together (5 yrs). he said porn does not interest him but i caught him looking at girls profiles and webcams and looking at other porn sites. remember he has lied for 5 years. what should i do? what would u do?

Answer 1

I can't be in a partnership with a liar, so I would leave. I think you should try marital counseling, exhaust all options and if he does not cooperate then leave.

Answer 2

Simple divorce him cause he seems to have an insatiable desire to watch porn and look at girl's profiles. That is certainly not healthy for ur marriage cause pretty soon he'll be asking you to perform indecent sexual acts which u may not be comfortable with or appreciate. It's possible that he's aslo cheating on you which also means that if ur not practicing safe sex, u may be at risk of contracting some serious STD which he brought in from outside so u need to be very careful. I shudder to think what goes on in his mind on a daily basis cause someone who acts like that could never have any good values or anything good in mind so let him go and move on. You've stressed that u were married for five years during which he's been lying all that time. What makes u think that he's gonna stop now? If he wanted to then he probably would've a long time ago so spare urself this continual pain and humiliation plus stress and just let him go. You're still young so i'm sure that eventually u'll meet a real man who knows how he should act and how to treat a lady.

Answer 3

i think you know what you want to do...so maybe this will help you move into gear---
You just found out the man who you have trusted and are the most intimate with in all the world has been lying to you for the past 5 years---on top of that he's been lying about an issue that repulses you and indicates to you that he may have lied about other things also. What to do? How about staying another year and praying for a miracle that is not likely to happen--that he will stop his addiction to on line porn and suddenly be able to stop an addiction to looking at other women via cam corders! This is most probably the tip of the iceberg. It is OK to take care of # 1 you. IF you can continue to live with someone you can't trust be prepared for more information about him and his personality you didn't know existed before this recent discovery. Stay and discover all the other hidden attributes about him ? Or acknowledge the truth---he's not the man you thought he was...you made a mistake trusting him once how many more time are you going to trust the wolf in sheep clothing? Read the writing on the wall! He's not who you thought he was...he's not who you thought he was...he's not who you thought..

Answer 4

Well it is bull**** that he lied to you for so long about it! But I will say (and I'm sure alot of people will agree & disagree) that alot, being most men do look at porn. My boyfriend does as well and I dont mind. I think its almost natural (sadly enough). As long as he's only looking and it does not become a "problem" then hes not really hurting anything. I would have a problem w/ the webcam though! Somehow I think thats on different scale then just browsing web pages and that since it's live and all. Have you tried to talk to him again? How does he re-act? If indeed it does bother you that much and he loves you he should be willing to give it up! My boyfriend is embarressed to talk about the fact that he looks at it and at 1st I was just upset that he kept trying to hide it from me. Talk to him, if you two cant figure something out then you know what u need to do. I wish you luck!!
Amy

Answer 5

What do you feel like doing? If my partner was looking at porn and had been for five (or 11) years, I'd be happy that she was getting her jollies and offer to join her--or reap the benefits if she got turned on by it. My belief is that anything I can to do or she can do to receive pleasure is in my best interests as well as hers. I want her to be as content and happy as she can possibly be.
But you seem to be in a great deal of pain over it. He's lied either because he feels guilty because of things in his childhood or he's afraid of your reaction to what he's doing. Is there good reason for him to fear your reaction? Given the tone of the question, I'd guess there is.
The thing about it is, each couple needs to negotiate their partnership agreement. That process can take a long time and is, in fact, ongoing. If there is a conflict in the feelings you each have about this subject, either the two of you find some way to reach an accommodation or you divorce his sorry butt. You can choose to either verbally beat up on him or try to find a solution to the problem.

Answer 6

Its not that big of a problem unless he is addicted to it. Most guys only say they aren't interested in it because they don't want to make us women think less of them for being so dirty like that. If it was just porn, I wouldn't consider that a big enough lie. But if he said he was mildly into it and hes actually addicted to it I would totally consider that a bigger lie than anything else. So for me I would just watch it with him and maybe try out some of the moves and stuff as long as he doesn't feel like a sleaze and has to feel he has to keep it from you then, it should lessen his watching it so much.

Answer 7

Why do you think all these 5 years he has been doing these porn sites surfing ? Could it be only recently he started these surfing ?
In anyway, do not take these too hard as it is normal for men to occasionally browsing such sites. It gives them some sex drives as long as they do not go out and cheat on you.

Take it easy ...

Answer 8

I'd do nothing. All men (if they're not gay) like to look at other women. It's human nature to want to LOOK. It's okay though, he's married to you, if he wants to BE with another woman, he'll go be with her, and there's nothing you can do about that either. You do need to talk to him about being open and honest with you. It was wrong of him to lie to you, but c'mon, did you REALLY believe he wasn't interested in looking???

Answer 9

He probably did not want to tell you knowing that u would disapprove and he did not want to make u upset. There is not much u can do except talk to him. At least he is not screwing around with another woman. porn is not all that bad. My bf and I enjoy it together regualary

Answer 10

get a divorce. He could havve told you the truth anytime during that 5 years, but he dicided not to. It's his fault, he dug the hole and you shouldn't help him get out. It'd be best for you to get a dovorce from him.
Sorry hes a jerk. Good Luck!

Answer 11

most men lie about that because most women do not understand why men look at porn. so instead of being honest and getting yelled at and having their partners feelings hurt, they lie.

its natural for a guy to want to look at/get off to other girls. its human nature. it does not mean they love you any less. its just a natural desire.

what would i do? i let mine get off to porn whenever he wants. i know he loves me and i have enough confidence it does not bother me that he looks at other women.