Is There Any Way to Phrase a Question Where Some People are NOT Offended?

Question

No matter how you ask a question, someone always thinks you are pointing a finger at them...they get defensive and send you an email...I'm just throwing ideas out...it's as simple as that...PLEASE take a deep breath and relax.

Answer 1

If this is happening to you often, the implication is that others may not always be the problem. That is, though you say you are "just throwing ideas out", it is possible that your tone, stance, and other verbal and non-verbal cues are all communicating a negative state including:
* dislike of other's ideas or approaches
* insulting of intelligence or background
* attacking foundation
* personal put-down by attacking person instead of idea

These are very, very common problems. The solutions, unfortunately, require practice:

* Tone: if your tone sucks, then everything else is a problem. If your tone implies that others are "missing it", "not relaxed", or any other negative aspect of the person, then any wisdom you say will be ignored.

* Sarcasm: it tends to flop. If you have close friends, roll with it, but in other situations, avoid it.

* Prep: many times, letting folks know that you agree with their basic point, but were "curious about this aspect" or other "its good, here's a slight concern" approach is far more palatable than just throwing out options. Build on other's approaches and explain your foundation before just speaking.

* Even if you think that there is NO WAY your idea could offend someone, just say "Now, this is just a thought, so if its a bad one, lemme know" can ease tensions.

* Don't get married to an idea too early. If others can be wrong, you can be as well. Stand up for what you believe, but if you are just making a point to make a point, then you are really losing ground

* Pick your battles: if you feel you have to win every discussion, contribute to every interaction, have your ideas be the winners, then you are ready to make an entrepeneurial startup and make your fortune... but if you are working with others, then ask yourself honestly, "is this really worth making a fuss over?" Most of the time, rather than throw your question in, you may find it better to wait til another time.

So, if you really feel a need to know, always ask away. But consider some of these tone and approach adjusters to see if they help people hear what you are trying to say, instead of missing it because of (perhaps) the way you said it.

Answer 2

Like someone said but I can't remember who; you can't please all the people all the time, but you can please some of the people some of the time.

In fact I think that was said by either a politician or a celeb, & I may have misquoted it as well.

The point I'm trying to make is a solid negative. Society, as a whole, has become very defensive. (And I really hate to make generalizations, but there I go)

Ideas are things to be shared & tossed around between thinking people who are on common ground to learn & seek answers. Even those of passive nature can become rather impolite, or phrase something in response that isn't meant to be, but comes across as negative.

I think it would be nice if everyone would at least try to remember that they're talking to real people, real human beings, who have emotions too. We might all do well to slow down, listen, and respond in kindness. Polite never goes out of style. It's a classic.

Just remember that you can only control yourself and your responses. None of us can control anyone else.

Answer 3

Not the way the world is now.
Isn't is ridiculous?
I'm not trying to offend anyone I agree with you.
We all know the "N" word is just plain horrible.
Unfortunately it was an acceptable term - then people smartened up and used the term "*****" people - that's not acceptable anymore,
then came along "colored" people, that's not acceptable anymore, then came along "black" people, that's not acceptable anymore, and now the non-offensive term is "african american". I am so paranoid as to not hurt anyone's feeling, it's easier to just not say anything. People are people. Period.
I am not a prejudiced person in the least.
I'm sure someone will be offended at the question
and my answer.
Please don't be offended, there is no offense intended at all.
I don't mean to offend anyone. No offense.
Let's all just relax for goodness sakes.

Answer 4

Frankly speaking I like this place and I visit and pose question pretty often. Yes, there may be some who are offended but I try to tell myself this is not YET Heaven, so there will be folks who are agitated in one way or another. Just focus and place ur time in worthy dreams of ur life instead of feel hurt by their comments. There's really no big deal to be upset because of them. I once came across a girl who belitle me so lowly that her cpmments overwhlem all the hurts I ever came across. Somehow I manage with a smile seems I knew to a great extend that was too judgemental and now I just feel that nothing is too BIG compare with what she said. Cheers and god bless :o)

Answer 5

I agree-I bet you someone will be offended by this very question. I've been told I'm condesending, ask pointless questions, I oughtta think more about the world around me...everyone needs to get over it-if you don't like the question asked don't answer it, simple as that.

Answer 6

I had someone call me a spoiled little white bit ch because I asked a question about people in jail. So yeah, people take things out of context all the time. Just don't sweat it thats all! Cheers

Answer 7

You just did it!! This one is not gonna offend anyone!!
And BTW, when you ask a question, dont bother about those who just rant and rave, just concentrate on genuine answers!!! For the touchy ones, there will soon be a new portal by Yahoo called Yahoo Rants!!!

Answer 8

no
no matter how u phrase it there will always be someone that is offended.
the best u can do is just try to offend the least amount of people.

Answer 9

Some people get offended when you ask them how their day is going!!!
Don't worry about it, unless it contains anything to do with race or sex.
Also, click on your avatar, go to edit my info., and turn off your email . ( make sure there's NOT a check in the box that allows people to email you )They won't be able to get to you that way anymore.

Answer 10

I think I speak for the entire Y! Answer board when I say your question offends me.