Why are people so afraid of people with disabilities? What do you when you see people with disabilities?

Question

Hi,I have a physical disability and I always get stares by people. Why are people so rude about it? We are STILL people,with hopes and dreams. We work hard for the money we have. We have a voice and use it. We are people,wheelchairs are EQUIPMENT not who we are.

Answer 1

I probably shouldn't be answering this question. Understand that my response is buffered by the fact that I have a child with a genetic syndrome that causes both physical and behavioral features. I also co-founded an international non-profit organization for families of children with a rare genetic disorder. Obviously I'm fairly involved in disability awareness issues... but it's not like I'm Joe Blow on the street when it comes to this.

I think one of the most important movements in this country (USA for me) has been the "People First" initiative. It's important to notice folks with disabilities just like that... FOLKS first... the disability is an addendum to the person. From infancy I've said to my children "A person who uses a wheelchair for mobility" because that's all a wheelchair is... a way to get around. "A person who uses a service animal to assist them" and "That mom uses sign language to talk to her baby" makes them think of the person first... then the disability.

Not everyone has been exposed to folks different than themselves. I see it when people are uncomfortable around folks with disabilities... people who speak languages other than English... people who are afraid to talk to someone of a different religion... some white folks in this country, depending on the region/town they live in, haven't even spent a great deal of time with non-Caucasian folks and their first experience with that interaction might be corporate America. Hard to believe... but true. Consider a guy who goes to school in the midwest who later moves to Atlanta for a job. Culture shock!

What do I personally do when I see people with disabilities? It depends on a lot of things. It depends on if they're alone or with someone else. The someone else can be a service animal. It's been my experience that emotionally stable folks with disabilities don't freak out if you offer to assist them if they clearly could use some assistance, but generally I will wait until asked. "Could you push 4 please?" or whatever. It depends on if they appear to be struggling terribly with something or not... could be disability-related, maybe not. Everyone needs directions to Market Street from time to time or can't find the barley in the grocery store. Obviously someone who's got someone with them, or someone who uses a service animal, is going to be fairly capable of whatever task they're out to do.

I was in a restaurant a couple of weeks ago and a patron came in who obviously had a disorder that was neurologically progressive. He was using a walker... but clearly was still trying to get out of the house a bit even though his physical condition was worsening. He sat... with great difficulty... then lost his balance on the slick vinyl seating of the booth, causing him to fall over to a lying down position on the seat. It was clear he no longer had the upper body strength to right himself. His waitress just walked over to him, held out her hands, and pulled him back up to a sitting position. Then she asked him if he was waiting for someone or dining alone and what he'd like to drink. I wondered what her personal exposure was to folks with disabilities. Perhaps a parent or grandparent or neighbor. Some folks would have just been afraid to touch him or help him. I'm not clear on why that is... fear of injuring someone perhaps? But the not touching causes more injury to a person's heart.

When I was a teenager, I dated a guy who was an amputee... some bone cancer as a youngster I believe. The first time we were intimate, he said to me "So I take off my leg to have sex..." and I said "As long as nothing else is removable, I think we're good - lol"

I tend to be a talker, so I chat with whoever is in line at the store or whoever has the misfortune to be in the elevator with me for 17 floors - lol If you happen to be using a wheelchair, you're still fair game for my chatter, you being blind won't shut me up (in fact the kids I work with are all visually impaired) and if you're deaf, you're still screwed because I sign too - lol Having a physically "disfiguring" condition doesn't mean squat to me because I tend to miss a lot of what's on the outside of folks... but that's just me. I think it's automatic because I know my son is more inside than he appears to be on the outside.

I carry a card for my son that says:

This Is My Son Sam
He has multiple disabilities
He Cannot Control His Behavior
But we work on it every day.

Sam has High Functioning Autism
Sam has Childhood Onset Bipolar Disorder
Sam has multiple learning disabilities
Sam has many other health issues
Sam has an unknown genetic disorder
We appreciate your patience with us
Sam's Mom: (my e-mail address)

I've handed that card out many times to people who stare (good or bad), waitresses in restaurants, people who look hateful that we're invading their space and people who've made rude remarks so that I can hear them. I've never gotten a poor response to the information. My son is old enough now that if he has an outburst, like in a waiting room, he might later say to the folks across from us "I'm sorry about the way I acted. I'm autistic and sometimes I just don't have good control over myself. But... I'm ARTISTIC too, so that's a good thing!"

People warm up to him when he's charming :)

Sometimes I think the biggest burden to having a disability is that you're required to shoulder the responsibility for educating the universe. You're stuck with having more patience with ignorance and trying to understand that while your "condition" might be a part of your life... it's not something that everyone is familiar with or is comfortable with. You know you've been using a wheelchair since you were 9. They don't know that. To them, it just came up. You don't think about it because it's just how you get around, but to them you just drove up in a little green clown car and they don't know how to respond.

We're creatures of familiarity.

My best example of this was when I met a lady on the internet, her child had the rare disorder of the children with whom I work. Turns out she posted something that led me to believe she lived only a couple of miles away from me. So I turned to my daughter... who then was about 12... and said "This woman must live right here!" and she said "What's her name?" and I told her. She said the only family she knew by that name went to our church and their son (name) was in her Sunday School class.

I said "That's what her son's name is! Was the child in your Sunday School class blind?" and she thought for a moment... and said "Yeah... come to think of it, I guess he was...." She was completely non-plussed by it because she'd had so much exposure to children with visual impairment through my group. But if she'd never met a blind child before... she would have said something like "There was a blind kid in my class by that name...." because his disability would have stood out before his family name.

I know I've written reams more than what you probably needed or wanted to hear/read... but I just want you to be encouraged that not everyone is aiming to be rude. They're just human too and their own weakness is that they've never been exposed to folks with disabilities so they're caught off guard by it. You can do yourself and everyone else a big service though, by being the one who initiates them into understanding that you're a person too. You're a person first. Don't be the wheelchair with the guy in it who doesn't speak. Be the funny guy who uses the wheelchair for mobility. Be the friendly guy who uses the wheelchair for mobility. A sense of humor is your best friend... whether you use a chair, a cane, have big ears or are a minority living in a town full of majority.

We can only change the world, one person... one situation... one interaction at a time. I know some days it's just tiring of always being the bigger person... but since you're the one with the experience... the best you can do is just educate those around you by being the best person you can be and knowing that those around you will respond to that. One person at a time... and let that person be you :)

Answer 2

Hi, I used to just smile and then try to look in another direction when I would see someone with a disability because I was afraid of staring too much. The reason why I would want to stare is because I was curious to know more about the person's disability. I know now that doing that is very ignorant and can make the person feel terrible. I always tried extra hard not to be rude but not having a normal conversation with that person because of their disability is rude. God Bless You.

Answer 3

i don't know why people are afraid of people with disabilities. i talk to them when i see them like i would talk to anyone else.
i will never understand why people are afraid of them because i am not.
it is a fear of the unknown in a way, some people just cannot deal with things being different and do not know how to behave and unfortunately they can come across in a way that makes people uncomfortable by staring and being afraid of how to act around a wheel chair... which is strange because as you said a wheelchair is only a piece of equipment.
would you stare at a person in the gym on a piece of equipment?? no . so what is the difference.
person is a person to me and i guess all you can do is smile and say gday and show them that yes you are a perfectly normal human being. the more people that you/I help realise this the better place the world will be.
try not to get upset (although frustrating) and try to encourage people that stare etc to talk to you. if they are decent people they will soon realise that they are being stupid and there is no reason to behave like they do.

Answer 4

well here is my opinion on this most people tell their kids at a young age not to stare not to ask about their disability its rude to ask or say anything so that child grows up and everytime they see someone such as yourself the first thing that pops into their head is what they were told when they were younger and i believe it makes a person nervous because they know they want to find out what happend to that person but they cant because they have been tought to look away witch i think is wrong i know this because i was one of those people but i learned to just talk to the person there just like me and for the people who say that people with disabilities are less fourtunate STFU! because ive seen many disabled people accomplish more in their life than alot of non disabled people i also believe having a disability makes a person stronger and they have alot more respect for life and they take advantage of what life has to offer there are alot people i think need to be disabled to open there eyes and then maybe the world and its people will have alittle more knowledge and respect for disabled people

Answer 5

People are uncomfortable -- they don't know how to behave around someone with a disability. They feel an urge to assist/help, which may be violently rejected by the disabled person. It is a dilemma. If people would just relax, they wouldn't act so nervous.

Josh Blue is a great spokesman for the disabled. Love his comedy routines concerning cerebral palsy. Good luck.

Answer 6

You see, it's pretty natural for people to stare at less common things. There are less disabled people in the world than able bodied ones. Just like you might stop a while while travelling to see what happening in a rare plane crash from far. ( Unless you tell me you would not even look a bit it & continue moving :O )

What most important is that they don't make nasty remarks after looking at you. If they do then that terrible.

Answer 7

You know I often wonder what I should do.
When I first see someone that has a physical disability the first thing I do is not look at them or even act like I see them because I see soooo
many other people making a big deal about it.
I don't know if that's the right thing to do or not.
I just want them to feel comfortable.Do you think that I'm only making it worse?

Answer 8

I wish I had an answer for you, lots of people don't know how to handle a person with a disability. I don't see how hard it can be. lots of people have disabilities which to me just shows me people with disabilities are human beings just like the rest of us, it is just they are not able to do the normal things that we take for granted everyday like walking, running, even cooking... I get disgusted when I overhear a person talk bad about a person with a disability. I applaud anyone who has a disability as to me they are true heros.

Answer 9

I'm not afraid of people with disabilities and i am sorry that you know people who are. I say when they stare, stare back so they can see what it feels like.

Answer 10

Hi. I can only speak for myself when I say that, I really do not know how to act around people with disabilities. People in wheelchairs are fine, but I met somebody the other day that is completely normal, but his arms only come up to his lower chest. Automatically when you meet somebody you give them a handshake, I put out my hand ... and ... obviously I was shocked. BUT I do not think less of him, he is a brilliant man and a leader in his field. We act stupid because we are stupid...

Answer 11

You sound like you have issues the only people who stare are small children and people who don't encounter the handicap too often.

If they stare then stare back or say to them "Excuse I need an oil change wheres the restroom?" That will make them stop staring and confuse the hell out of them