My husband left our house 10 days ago, 8 months after I discovered he was having an affair. He said the affair was an error of judgement and shouldn't have done it, but I am not sure if he has ended it. He said he was leaving because he needs to be alone as all his life he has had responsibility and duty, to his mother and sister who live in Turkey and to me and our 16 year old daughter. He is now 41 so when is he going to do what HE wants? He now lives in a flat which he purchased. He has phoned us everyday since he left and came to the house both sundays since. He takes me out for a coffee like he has done every sunday for the last 8 months and gives the impression he is coming back. My daughter finds this arrangement destressing as she doesn't want to see him. Should I follow him to find out about other woman? This would help me to break free, daughter says NO, I should just end this once and for all, friends say he comes because of his half of the house, I am so confused.
2006-08-20 23:41:25 · 22 answers · asked by Angela F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your daughter sounds like a wise girl, follow her advice, just let him go.
2006-08-20 23:47:24 · answer #1 · answered by Kerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a man tells you he "need sto be alone" he means it that way, and thus not only for a short period of time. I think that by forgiving your husband this affair he had, you have not done the right thing. You should have ended it right there. The fact that it was you who discovered his affair shows that he was not even honest enough to tell you that he was seeing someone else. This coming on sundays does not show anything. If he really wanted to think about your relationship, he would have approached you for talking during any of these 10 days. In fact, he should not even have run off in the first place. The fact that he has already taken an appartment shows his desire to stay away from you permanently, he would only have stayed at a friend's place otherwise...I am sorry to tell you so, but your marriage seems to be broken, finish it before it gets too awful.
2006-08-20 23:51:21 · answer #2 · answered by vanessa_dalmaz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All his life he has had responsibility and now he is running away from it.
To bad eh? If he didn't want responsibility he should never have married and had a kid. If that is the best excuse he can give, then he is a jerk. Anyone who uses that sounds like a lousy husband and an even worse father.
The best you can do is to leave him, forget the coffee, forget the Sundays. Having so much contact with him will only hold you back. Does it matter who the other woman is? Just get on with your life.
Your daughter is 16 years old now, and she is able to make her own choices, and by the sounds of things your husband is not part of them. Follow her example.
2006-08-20 23:51:32 · answer #3 · answered by HP 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your story is really sad. After all these years he says that he was responsible all his life.. well this is silly, We were born to be responsible and when you love someone the responsibility becomes a nice job not a bad thing as your husband pictures it. SO dear i think you should NEVER NEVER go after him. i prefer that you leave him. Now if he, on his own, returns begging you , then give it a second thought. By this behaviors you should set an example to your daughter to be a proud person. Also you said that he has been having an affair. So what are you waiting for.
Good luck
2006-08-20 23:52:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get an attorney because this man is using you and doesn't want to share his life or his money with you and his daughter. I think you're daughter is right. Leave him and don't worry about the woman he had the affair with. OH...and if you're married to him, half of that "flat" he just bought is your's too. Get an attorney and make the cheating husband pay. Let him go have coffee with his girlfriend on Sunday.
2006-08-20 23:47:36 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a situation, all i can say is he's had an affair, its been done , there should be no going back, do you really need to know where he is, it might be a little obvious.your having trouble moving on and need to give yourself more time before making drastic decisions, if you feel the need to follow him and know his every step then your not over him, and as for him .wouldn't it be dandy if we could all just stand up and say "Will I've had enough now,bye". selfish, and immature come to mind when thinking of your situation in regards to your husbands behavior, i know there was at least love once-but really why bother, good men dint walk away from there families or have affairs.
2006-08-20 23:55:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He had an Affair. He left the house. He purchased a flat.
What do you want him to do? Write you a letter and say it is over.
Wake up and take care of yourself and your daughter.
You are correct he is going to do what he wants and part of it is controlling you.
See a lawyer and then tell Hubby you are filling for a divorce. Do not tell husband until you have spoken and talked if over we your lawyer.
2006-08-20 23:49:51 · answer #7 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him his freedom. Let him do as he pleases, but in the mean time, show him what he is missing. You seem to have a good relationship with your daughter, that is great. But it is also time to teach your daughter not to run away from problems. Talk about the matter, try breaking the monotony of coffee on weekends only. Try attracting him. Give it your best to make it work, without crying to him to come back. Join some classes on marriage, seek professional/christian counselling. Please, please do not cry to him to come back. Face the world with your head high, try a new look, get involved in something. Just let go and he will come back to you. You will have won on two fronts - your hubby and a lesson to your daughter. Good luck.
2006-08-20 23:55:49 · answer #8 · answered by tomnjerry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to him and make him decide if he wants you and the family or the other girl and a life of a bachelor. He obviously got a place of his own so he can see other women in peace. What he dosn't realize is that he is only thinking of himself and that his actions are seriously hurting people. He has the best of both worlds, has a family and kid and is a bachelor at the same time. You can't have everything and he needs to realize that. He is old enough and its time for him to be more RESPONSIBLE and to stop thinking of his own needs and desires.
2006-08-20 23:59:49 · answer #9 · answered by gillamacs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-05 07:07:23 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. He is not a man by far! He is acting like a child when he says that he needs to be alone. It sounds like you have a great daughter and I am sure the two of you will be fine once you get rid of him. Don't meet him anymore!
2006-08-20 23:54:21 · answer #11 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋