I'm living with boyfriend, we've been together for 4 and a half years, and living together for 2 years. I love him, he's such a lovely person, but I just don't think I'm in love with him anymore. We have a house, bills and joint accounts, our familys are happy for us, and I just don't want to let anyone down. If we split I won't have anywhere to go, we'd have to sell up. To be honest I think thats whats keeping us together. I have known this other guy for 10 years, nothing has ever happened between us but the feelings have always been there for both of us, we have discussed it lots of times. He lives in Spain and neither of us know what to do about it, there just seems so many barriers, house, family's, distance, jobs etc. I just feel like I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life unless we do something about it. Can anyone help me, I just feel so guilty.
2006-08-20 23:21:23 · 31 answers · asked by Fudgecake 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
try and tell your boyfriend about your feelings for the other guy, he might be upset but at least you are being honest with him! there is no point living with your boyfriend if you love someone else, I am sure your boyfriend loves you very much and he would not want to be lied to!!
Try and put yourself in your boyfriend's place, what would you do if you are living together but he is falling in love with someone else!! Wouldn't you want to know the truth!! You shouldn't live a lie!!!
2006-08-21 00:00:46 · answer #1 · answered by Cutey McPretty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you two should let material things keep you together. So...sell the house and chalk it up to a good 2 years. This is not any different than if you were married and divorced and had to split the household. I think it's positively the wrong reason to stay together. You can find another place to go. I'm sure you won't be out on the street. It will just take some effort and sacrifice on both parts. Someone will always get hurt; fact of life when you move on. You're not doing the guy any favors staying put with him. You're just keeping him on a string for living conditions; That's very wrong. Give him a chance and yourself a chance for real love. OR....just leave it all to him to satisfy your own guilt. Guilt is useless. You both deserve better and someone has to initiate the process. Be strong and go where your heart tells you to go. God Bless.
2006-08-20 23:30:24 · answer #2 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just follow your heart. I wouldn't just end a 4 year old relationship over someone you aren't even sure about. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are having some problems that are making you want to find someone else. Sit down and have a talk with each other about whats on your minds. After talking to him go from there. If you both want to break up then do so. But don't rush into another relationship because it will be too soon.
***By the way just because you have known this other guy for ten years doesn't really mean you know him. You really don't know too much about a guy until you get into a relationship with them. For all you know he could be a woman beater or something. Just don't be so quit to give up on your boyfriend***
2006-08-20 23:43:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look dont throw away what you have with your boyfriend and all the time you invested for a fling or maybe lust. Your boyfriend is true love and thats not easy to find my best advice to you is try for two weeks to not talk to the other guy and try and fix thing with your boyfriend if it doesnt work then break it off and move out and then you can continue ur relationship with the other guy. Really dont do it though you will regret it. Remember at the beginning of a relationship if you remember everything seems so hot and heavy and you think everything will be ok but months down the line they become someone else. However you boyfriend was a true man and true love and that very hard to find. There few men that would stick with you through thick and thin talk to your boyfriend and try and have your passion resparked. Tell him to be romantic tell him you need it one day sweep you off your feet. After the date i swear you wont want to know anymore about the other guy. Because you will remember the deep love you have for your boyfriend. Look at old pic and remember you life and journey together
2016-03-17 00:33:53 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi you have first of all have to look at what you have know and then look at what you would have with a life with the other person.
buildings and contents are just material things but love is much stronger.
It doesn't seem right to stay together beacause it makes your families happy, you have to do what feels right to you.
The old saying goes the grass is always greener on the other side but in reality it isn't always true.
you will have to discuss it with the other guy in spain and then tell your partner how you feel.
You have not said how he feels for you, does he feel the same as you i wonder?.
Remember a split always causes heartache but the hurt goes away as you both build new lives.
Yes it will hurt but if you are unhappy in a relationship it's not worth carrying on thinking what will people think and say if we split, do what your heart is telling you. hope this helps a bit.
2006-08-20 23:40:48 · answer #5 · answered by roger b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to look at what's most important for you in this life, Fudgecake.
My advice would be to make a list of the pros and cons of staying with your boyfriend. Do the same with your friend, then look at 'certainties'. One certainty is that you and/or your friend would need to move if you were to make this relationship last. Check with him his feelings about this. Find out just how serious he is about committing himself to you. (Don't forget, though, that you'd have to investigate whether you'd be willing to commit yourself to him. I know you believe that you could, but is this love or lust? Are you being realistic?)
Whatever you decide to do, you must speak with your current boyfriend about it. As you say, you have a house, bills and joint accounts together. I know the problems that can ensue from a breakup as my youngest son has recently split with his girlfriend. He was left in quite a state (financially and emotionally) about it all. Happily, that's now resolved, and he harbours [harbors for my American cousins] no ill toward her, even though she was the cause of the breakup.
I'm pretty sure that if you do decide to make a go of it with your current friend (rather than your current boyfriend) your families will adapt and overcome any difficulties experienced.
I wish you the very best of luck in whatever decision you arrive at.
2006-08-24 13:15:36 · answer #6 · answered by micksmixxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U're just in need of Adventure in ur relationship u're very much in love with the man u're living with or within ur heart u want the relationship to move to the next level but don't know how to go about it.The finances and house and joint account are of no importance to u right now. There 3 things with no definite answers in this world and no laid down rule to it Sex,Relgion and Politics.
Stick to ur b'f and work out a way to spice up ur relationship cos i can bet u if u follow ur heart to the spanaid guy or where ever he lives u on the road to regret."A devil u know is better than an Angel u're yet to see"
The choice is u're-Leave him and remember me for the rest of ur life cos u'll say"i was warned"
Good luck.
2006-08-21 00:14:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to figure out which person you love. I suggest you talk to your boy friend. I know it will be hard because there are so many people involved but at the end of the day you have to do what makes you feel really happy. If you love the other guy forget about all the barriers and be with him. Lifes too short for if's, buts and maybes its what we do now that counts.
2006-08-21 00:52:13 · answer #8 · answered by clairie1986 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, you really will be feeling guilty if you won't break it with your bf and stop living this helluva of a lie!!!
move on! it is not fair on your boyfriend that you do not have any love left for him and you still delude him, let him believe you have this dream of a life together when all you can think with him are bills, accounts and buildings.
Move on and tell your boyfriend how you feel and move on to Spain with the guy you really love.
2006-08-20 23:30:07 · answer #9 · answered by trushka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should take some time out and leave your boyfriend for a trial period - be yourself and find out what you really want, maybe its one of these two options maybe not. Its hard to tell or maybe you are confused about whether you are unhappy now, or just looking with a "grass is greener " at this "new" man. Tho its important to go with what you really really want, and thats probably in your heart not your head, do think about this - Leave today, go for the new man and in 2 years time you will be living the same humdrum life of paying bills etc as you think you are now! Take time out and work out what you really want. Dont jump from one relationship straight into another big commitment - I dont think thats really fair on any of you - Good Luck, all the best.
2006-08-21 01:14:51 · answer #10 · answered by robert m 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋