A married friend of mine has been feeling frustrated and unable to get the kind of sex she needs at home. Her husband regards a mild kink as too much for him, and won't discuss it any further. So she's stepped outside of her marriage to get 'the sex of a lifetime', without telling her husband. She intends to stay married to him, because in every other respect they have a good marriage, and also to maintain a no-strings sexual relationship outside the marriage.
It's all a bit of a grey area, so I thought I'd get her some advice from the Answers community. Was she right? Was she wrong? Is her plan to maintain both sides of her nature feasible? How much compromise is acceptable in a marriage? Anyone faced this dilemma? All advice welcome.
2006-08-20 21:55:36 · 14 answers · asked by mdfalco71 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think she could expect any compromise in having a secret affair. She's not in a "bit of grey area" but definitely in a "danger zone". A lot of couples (esp men) try this kind of "sex with no strings attached" arrangement but except for a very few who can really take a lot and lot of effort to maintain "secrecy", the whole thing is just a game of "playing with fire" that could bring about a lot of problems. Advice your friend to have a heart to heart talk with her husband about her sexual fantasies and make him understand her sexual needs. This could take some time but it is worth the wait. Tell her not to be too adventurous and invite trouble.
2006-08-20 22:12:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she didn't choose wisely in who she married or shes a flake... I believe in staying with your lover and if theres something I'm not getting from the relationship, then who needs it. She has no respect for marriage! You get married b/c the person is the perfect choice and noone else could you even think of spending the rest of your life with. You should get married so you only have sex with that one person, your husband or wife. Marriage is suppose to be a sacred vow and your friend sounds like a immature selfish flake!
2006-08-21 05:09:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Though I have not any personal experience, but I know it is not worth it. Honesty between husband and wife is the basic requirement. You should not cheat your spouse. If u dont have guts atleast give him/her some hints about it - it may improve the things. My advice is if children are there - try to workout the marriage. If there is no child involve, get out of marriage and start life with a person which fulfil your requirements but I will warn your friend that there is no guarantee.
2006-08-21 05:04:17 · answer #3 · answered by arooon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will not work, sooner or later it will blow up in her face and then she will left stranded with nada, no husband, no man, and alot of drama. Someone always catches feelings in the long run and people get sloppy when they are trying to hide stuff. Besides the fact that her loyalty and trust have been thrown out the window. Her husband deserves so much better.
2006-08-21 05:04:41 · answer #4 · answered by X's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very dangerous. A friend of mine did the same thing. Her husband found out by accident and it was very ugly. Now she feels terrible about it and her husband is so hurt that he had to go to a hospital for depression. She says the guilt was not worth it.
As far as whether it is morally right or wrong, it's not my place to say. That is for her to say.
2006-08-21 05:09:26 · answer #5 · answered by nobadkids 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is wrong in every aspect. Sleeping with anyone outside the marriage, regardless of what reasons led to it is still cheating. My opinion...she didn't try hard enough to help her husband work on the issue.
2006-08-21 05:08:44 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds all good doesn't it...hmm till you think about it. I bet when her husband finds out she won't be his wife anymore. And seriously sex is not the be all of the world probably why they invented vibrators right? She is obviously selfish enough to loose her marriage for some good sheet twisting.... It's her choice.
2006-08-21 05:02:42 · answer #7 · answered by lol_des 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,,,, hmm,, several way to think about this.... 1st is no wrong make a right.... 2nd you play with matches you get burned.... 3rd When the husband finds out,, and sooner or later he will... they always do.... some one is going to get hurt,, by her being horney....and you just have to admit,, its not right to mess around on your spouse.... from either side of it.....
good luck
2006-08-21 05:04:18 · answer #8 · answered by eejonesaux 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's flat our wrong- go review the marriage vows.
This plan of hers is NOT feasable; this is going to kill her marraige.
There is no room for a compromise- this is going to flat out kill the marriage.
2006-08-21 04:59:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What she should have done is told him they figure out some way to resolve there sexual issues or it could end there marriage.
2006-08-21 05:28:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋