How do i control my jealousy?

Question

I have a very good friend and i like her a lot. I introduced her to my other male friends whom i have known for long and they are very close to me. however this girl has started liking one of my friends more than me. (i have reasons to believe that...and the reasons are pretty good). Now since that i am very possesive for her, i get a very bad feeling about the whole thing and i am getting jealous. i dont have an affair with the girl nor do we have any love relationship and we are not steady. but still i like her a lot and i care for her. But now the fact that she likes somone else is very hard to digest. I feel bad. how do i deal with this situation. i cannot change her feelings nor do i want to do that...but how do i change myselves? i have tried to let go but its not happening!!

When you miss someone + you know she likes someone more than you.....both the feeling combined can really play games with the heart and the feeling is very very bad.....but thanks to all you guys for giving your opinions....i will try to be more practical and maybe time will heal this feeling...thanks again....you have been very nice....god bless you all.

But being practical will be very hard for me since i cannot just stay away from my friends (my Buddies and this gal) and start making new friends....its hard to find good friends like the ones that i have...i like them all a lot.....but god had to bring the above situation in my life and i feel sad. the worst part is that you begin to doubt yourselves when such a thing happens. Why doesnt she like me more! ? maybe i am not good enough...its depressing. But as i said before....i hope time will bring out the truth and heal

Answer 1

Try to understand that everything in this world is keeping move on the command of God. Try to see His mercy and act. Try to love his works. When you start loving everything the level of jealousy will be decreased automatically. God Bless You.

Answer 2

There's no easy answer for something like this. It sounds like what your asking is how to make your jealousy stop without changing the situation. The only thing that will make that happen is time. Give yourself some space from both of these friends until you can cope with the situation, eventually it will pass.

Oh, finding yourself a girlfriend would be a good move to, then you won't have to obsess over a girl who's only supposed to be a friend anymore.

And hey, good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are being a bit insecure. You say you have no romantic interest in each other, then you have to accept that your relationship is going to be different from anyone whom she may be romantically involved with. This is regardless of who or how she meets someone. I don't want you to get the wrong idea, here, but the show Will and Grace is a good example of what I am trying to convey. Forget that Will is suppose to be gay, just focus on the relationship they have. It sounds like the two of you are deep and dear friends and that will never be the same as a romantic interest for you, or for her. The idea of her not liking you as much is a bit far fetched. What it sounds like is her feeling for you are much different than for "him", but they are not feelings of "liking him better" just different thats all.
Unless of course you have feelings for her on another level that you are just not aware of or admitting. Frankly, unless you are gay, or the "chemistry" is just not there, it sounds very much like your jealous because you care for her on a much more romantic level. If that is the case, I suggest that you let her know asap.

Answer 4

I once read a very wise poster which said something along the lines of "If you love something set it free, if it doesn't return it was never yours to keep". In other words, if you really do have loving thoughts for this girl then the test of your real love - as opposed to your claimed love - is to be happy for her if she is happy with someone else. Real love is unselfish and unconditional so you must accept the fact that she may prefer the company of someone else. You seem to be suggesting that you are not sure if you want her but at the same time are suggesting that you know for certain that you don't want her to have someone else or them to have her. Sorry, but that is bordering on selfish which in itself would suggest that what you are experiencing with this girl is not love but a gigantic infatuation.

Answer 5

Would you like to ask her out instead? If not, perhaps if you hang out with them more and get used to the idea of them as a couple you can deal with it better. If being with them makes it worse maybe you should widen your circle of friends and hang out more with other girls. Then maybe your feelings won't be so concentrated on that girl and will dissipate faster. Just a suggestion (lol well maybe more than one)

Answer 6

I can understand your problem . you have done nothing wrong and you're pefectly a person who deserves justice .Trying being in your shoes buddy I really have sympathy for you.Empathy has urged me to give you few suggestion.
1)Try to view the situation from your girlfriend's perspective
2) Don't try to change other people ,that is literally impossible .Rather try to change yourself.
3)We can't change situation but can change the way we respond to them by changing our attitude
4) Meditate for an hour daily and read books on positive mental attitude
5)If the above method doesn't suit you then click this http://www.dotdadn.com which will not just solve this problem for you within few days but will also teach you how to solve other problems in your life which might pop up in future .Learn to fish and not to beg for fish my friend.
if you're girl friend is really trying to piss you up then the best remedy is to talk to her and split .it is better to go mad then to die -nepalese proverb

these days i too am in great trouble but i solve those problems either by techniques taught by dotdadn people or by changing the way i view the situation.

Answer 7

Maybe you like her more than youre admitting here or you wouldnt feel jealousy...which is probably normal. Dont hang around either of them. Find new friends. One sided love tends to linger a bit longer but you sound like a nice guy and you'll find someone. :D

Answer 8

There is a saying that no matter what happens if a person is fated 2 be yours sooner or later u will be tog. Believe in youself and if she is yours no matter how many male frieds she knows or meet she will end up being yours. Have a little faith in yr self

Answer 9

Why dont you talk it out with her...tell your feelings. And maybe it will release you from all the tension building up inside. But be prepare to whatever the result it will cause you.
Accept her decisions and respect whatever she wants.
But above all, stand by her and be her friend. Be happy for her happiness and who knows, maybe in the end, it was really you she's been waiting for.

Answer 10

Tell her exactly how you feel! Don't let any more time go by and ask her to be your girl! If you don't hurry, chances are she will end up with someone else! Good Luck! Oh and just so you know, Jealousy is your worst enemy!