She's in her 40's and should know better, but her little girls are only 7 and 8 and are developing a lot of behavior issues, weight problems, etc. Mid-life crisis, whatever! How can I make her see that her habit of pawning her kids off on other people so she can go out is ruining her girls. She lives very close and I can't help but see how her kids are being hurt by this. I have refused to watch her girls so she can go out, but she just finds somebody else. HELP!
2006-08-20 19:18:56 · 21 answers · asked by kat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your not going to like my advice...
tell the CSD. Sometimes you have to practise tough love on your family. You are doing it for her kids!
2006-08-20 19:22:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know there's the chance you version of what's going on could be accurate. At the same time, I've seen enough behind-the-back versions of what someone thinks a situation is to know that very often what someone thinks they see is not how things really are.
For example, if you're the kind of person who thinks mothers should only go out once a week, and if she is going out three times a week you'll think its too much. I'm not defending her or accusing you of not really knowing what's going on and presenting it accurately. We people on here have no way to know.
If she is leaving the little girls by themselves then call children's services. If she is finding babysitters there isn't really anything neglectful about that.
The little girls may be eating too much candy. Maybe her crime is to let them have too many calories. It isn't necessarily a result of her going out too often. If they have behavior issues the same thing applies. Besides, there's the chance your idea of a behavior issue is different than hers or different that what really would be seen as one by a child development expert.
If she's going out and getting drunk and coming back and sleeping all day that's neglect. Call children's services. If she's going out for dinner one night, shopping another day, lunch with a friend another time, etc., that isn't necessarily neglect if the kids have a babysitter. If she's staying out all night and not being there for getting the girls to school - neglect. If they're well fed and well taken care of (by someone), and if their clothing is clean, and their medical issues are taken care of children's services isn't going to have much to say about how often she goes out.
Many mothers just make sure they're home with their kids so much they think that's how it has to be done. Maybe that's right. Maybe it isn't. The reality is not all mothers believe that mothers shouldn't go out very often and if they do the children must be suffering.
Feel free not to take care of the girls if you're asked, but if they're being fed and not being harmed and are being cared for by an adult; then it isn't really your business if they develop behavior problems or gain weight.
Be honest with yourself. If you believe the children are being neglected or abuse then call child services. If you just don't like what you see but don't think they're being abused or neglected (or than not having as much time with their mother that you think they should have) then, really - and with all due respect, honestly - mind your own bees-wax.
2006-08-20 19:40:42 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know this my not be what u want to hear but i would like for u to start watching her kids so that u can ensure that they are not being abused .also has ur sister always been a party girl if not than she may be in a mid life crisis .try 2 see to it that she gets through this in a few months if not seek legal help.someone will need ti intervene.but that is up to u because all in all u did not decide to have her children she did.so u have 2 options help her or not and really u would be helping her kids
2006-08-20 19:27:29 · answer #3 · answered by marykay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st explain 2 her that her behaviour is affecting the kids and if she really love her kids she will change or she will lose her kids. Wake her up that her habit of pawning off her kids may result in their being abused sexually esp they r girls. If she still wont change u may not like it but u have 2 report her to social services rather than let the girls be abused
2006-08-20 19:29:51 · answer #4 · answered by lynnbtohs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take her into a family court so she can see how someone can loose their kids, by being irresponsible. Before it really happens
to her.Calling child protective services is NOT the answer. This is very damaging to the kids, also, they dont understand why they cannot live in thier own home, Those people act like they care, but they just damage everyone involved. Dont let that happen!
2006-08-20 19:23:08 · answer #5 · answered by Big hands Big feet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could tell you there is an easy answer to this but there isn't. Rightly, your first concern is the children. Rather than refusing to look after them, you may be their only remaining hope of a stable parental figure and I think you should take them whenever you can. I know this will be a burden but I have no idea what else to suggest.
2006-08-20 19:25:44 · answer #6 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go out, but tell her to recognize that she needs to have enough discipline to at least take care of her own. Have a friend call in and pretend to be child services wanting to take them away. Say a neighbor reported them after they found one of the girls crying and the little girl explained. Hey, I'm all for professional help, but if you want a quick fix, sometimes you got to use white lies to tweak their emotions.
2006-08-20 19:25:19 · answer #7 · answered by Ilooklikemyavatar..exactly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you will call Child Protective Services on her if she keeps it up (tough love) and try and explain that she is a MOM FIRST and a party girl on the weekend or every now and again.
Whatever you do, keep and eye on your nieces and if you see that she is leaving them with inappropriate people, step in and take those kids away.
2006-08-20 19:25:18 · answer #8 · answered by Dolphin lover 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have one of these sisters and I'm afraid to say that there isn't a heck of alot you can do but ride it out and going back to taking the girls so they aren't being bounced a round so much. You could give her a piece of your mind, but it wouldn't amount to much on her part and only leave you feeling more anger at her ignorance. One thing did help a little...my other sister and I went and told our mom. It seems that no matter what age we are, our parents still indimidate us. It worked on my sister for awhile, but then she went right back to her partying ways.
2006-08-20 19:28:28 · answer #9 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to her about whatever she had done.If she refuse to listen then there is nothing U can do except call in the children welfare.U got no choice if U really don't want yr nieces to have a hard time.
2006-08-20 19:24:13 · answer #10 · answered by me_imah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went through that in my 30s and i do regret some of it but sometimes we need to let lose find out who we really are but this should not effect our children if it gets to over berring then i would give her an altimatum let her know that if things dont change u will report her to the child protective authorities i know this is hard but her children are being negleted and why should they suffer for her actions
2006-08-20 19:24:12 · answer #11 · answered by nvvlewis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋