I told my kids that i have made a decision. He either make a commitment not to abuse me anymore or he has to leave. Was i right to involve my kids about our situation?
2006-08-20 17:43:52 · 8 answers · asked by Joy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hmm, well...I agree that for the most part we need not involve our children in those sort of things...HOWEVER, I don't really think you did much wrong in this case because the children do need to know that the emotional abuse is something that is wrong. I am not sure about the part about how he will have to leave if he doesn't stop abusing you. Personally, I would be afraid that statement might make them feel nervous..wondering what might happen next.
Anyhow, don't beat yourself up for it...you meant well. In your shoes I would probably tell them that you are glad they know what to call it now"emotional abuse", but the part about him leaving...I would apologize for. Tell them that it was a private conversation between you and their father and that you regret getting them involved.
Then I would suggest to your husband that the two of you get marital counseling...maybe you can still save this marriage. Wouldn't it be great to relay that to your kids? Good luck, and like I say..don't beat yourself up. You meant them no harm..and who knows..it may not affect them at all.
2006-08-20 18:45:45 · answer #1 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mrs Nice comments:
I am sorry you are in this situation. However, I don't think one should ever iinvolve their chilldren and put them in the position of confidant, especially the 10 year old!
Chances are they have picked up on the abuse and are dealing with their own feelings.
I would encourage you to insist that your husband seek therapy and I agree with your comment that he either stop the abuse or you will end the relationship. This therapy would be most helpful to everyone if everyone was involved. Your entire family needs to have an avenue to express their feelings. A licensed professional would be advised. Most insurance's cover it.
I encourage you to stick to your guns too. Start first thing in the morning to resolve this situation!
Best wishes to you...
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nice
2006-08-21 00:57:29 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs_Nice_Gives_Advice 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing, this way if it happens your kids know it is coming and just don't think you are jumping over the deep end. And because you are teaching your girls that it is not right for a man to emotionally abuse them, especially in front of your kids. You are showing your kids that behavior like that is not tolerable. I think it is wrong when parents discuss divorce and don't let their children know about it. I had my parents end it with out our knowledge and us kids felt it is wrong for them to make these discussion with out giving us any idea of what was about to happen, SHOCKED!!!!! On top of that you are doing what you feel is best.
2006-08-21 01:06:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i too. a mother of 4 am emotionally abused. However i really don't think that you should have talked to your kids about your situation. Kids are alot smarter than us adults give them credit for. i'm sure that they have see and heard things. good luck
2006-08-21 07:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by lighthouse lover 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you should have involved them until you and your husband worked something out
Now they are in the middle and that is a tough place to be.
2006-08-21 14:25:18 · answer #5 · answered by chipmunk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What were you thinking??????? How you involve your children to the relationship that you have with him? REMEMBER that what ever he is doing to you HE is always their father! What you playing the game "I'm gonna make your children hate you"? I would give you a spank for that only if you where my wife! Grow up!
2006-08-21 00:54:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men like those don't seem like they're gonna change. If you have to tell him to leave...make sure you tell ur buddies to watch out for you...I don't want you to be killed in a fight with him...sry if tht sounds scary. Take care...
2006-08-21 01:08:17 · answer #7 · answered by Neutro 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok to tell them that if daddy don't change or daddy might have to go away but you need to tell them why and tell them that it wasn't thier fault for what is happening and tell them don't be mean to their father and that they can go see thier dad when ever they want...
2006-08-21 01:31:55 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Rockstar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋