hello,question for anyone in a relationship..adults only please?

Question

my husband and i have been together for years now. for the past several months he has been uninterested in making love with me.I have tried showering with him,pleasing him,walking around without clothes to masterbating in front of him and still nothing.do you think he needs some kind of medication to boost up his sex drive or do you think that he isnt interested anymore or what? I feel really depressed about this and literally cry myself to sleep. i even thought about having an affair. i know this isnt the best idea but what else can i do? i have tried talking to him and he tells me that he is still attracted to me but he isnt interested in sex...any help you can give would be nice.....thank you in advance

if this helps any i am only 36 and my husband is 43....

all you guys have been really helpfull and truely thank you for your advice.i will take everbodys advice and not have the affair.i will also make him go the the doctor and get checked and tested. never thought about him having an affair though....i will have to pay more attention to where he goes. thanks again people.

Answer 1

It sure sounds like you are certainly trying and it must be so hard for you to feel as if he doesn't want you. I can see why you would feel depressed. However, don't automatically go to, "What am I doing wrong?What is it about me?" I think your husband may need a good physical. He may not be having the sex drive he once had due to lower hormone levels, noticeably testosterone. So maybe there is a way to be able to get him some help, give it some time and things will get better! Don't lose faith in who you have and what you have already. It sounds to me like maybe you want to even try watching a porn movie together?Or in our day it was x-rated videos?LOL Anyways, he could also take some medicine to help boost his sex drive but I would have him get a good physical first!!! I wish you guys all the best! You go through times of good, then hardship, then good, great, then tough times...........as I am sure you already know if you've been together for years now. Good luck! If none of this works, then maybe see a sex therapist? They can give you some great advice too!!!

Answer 2

well, depending on how old you and him are, the desire for sex changes ALOT!

a mans sexual peak is between 16 and 21. while a females can peak anywhere from 35 to 45. depending on how hard your husbands job is will determine his WANT for a sexual relationship.
if he breaks his back all day he might only want to come home to a hot meal, a beer and a good wife to talk to. instead of trying to make him have sex with u, or trying to LURE him into sex, try asking him how his day was, bring him a beer. maybe watch a porno together or go out and buy some toys. reinvent your sex drive instead of trying to rediscover it. if u play with the same toy for too long eventually it gets boring. go to a strip club. ive heard that a couple coming from a strip club together end up soo turned on that sex is almost a given. switch it up. please dont cry or beg or anything that will make him feel guilty because that will make him want to do it less. it might be something he is not telling you. he might be suffering from errectile disfunction and out of embarrassment he does want to tell you, or MAYBE he doesnt even know it yet....
switch it up, invite a female friend to come over and have a three way, make the man feel like a king.

on the other hand, you do not have to cry. as sad as it may make you remember that u are still a beautiful woman and u are desirable. if your husband does not see it anymore, for one reason or another, it is not your fault. but please please please do not have an affair. but be firm with him. let him know what he is doing to you. tell him that you are depressed about it and that it could eventually lead to a divorce. if he doesnt care. then leave him and find a stud. just be sure you know all sides of the story.

maybe hes sick, maybe hes sick of you. maybe hes depressed, work is too hard, money is too tight. high blood pressure causes impotence.. THERE ARE MANY REASONS as to why he may not want it. but for a while respect it. better urself as a person. if u feel that u have gained some weight lose it. but do it all for yourself and not for him.

i hope this helped somewhat.

Answer 3

Hard to say without knowing more specifics, but you've got to figure this is a symptom of a larger problem. How are other aspects of your relationship?

And he could be cheating on you, you often hear it said that if "they're not gettin' it at home, they're gettin' it somewhere". Maybe he's already satisfied in that area, and either doesn't need it from you, doesn't want it from you, or feels to guilty to reunite with you. But if you're doing all that with him and his response is nothing, something's going on. He is a guy for crying out loud.

I surely hate this for you, this is one of the worst types of isolation anyone can feel, and I wish my thoughts were nicer, but I can't help but think he has let you down in some way, and now can't face it, or wants to just ignore it and move on. Maybe instead of continuing to try and entice him, you need to just come out and say what you're thinking and feeling and see what he has to say about it, and don't let him off the hook until you get a real answer from him. Only then will you know what to do. Anything beats having to cry yourself to sleep at night.

Answer 4

At the moment, I am in your husband's shoes. The only difference is that I openly communicate with my significant other so that he knows the reason. The problem with me is that there is a sudden, major problem in my life that I have no solution for. It is mentally consuming me so that I cannot keep my mind on much else, let alone on sex. It may be that your husband is experiencing what I described but that it is a problem that he cannot or will not divulge to you. Encourage open communication with him, but do not force the issue if he is unwilling to respond to you. After he has resolved the problem (whatever it may be), then he will no longer be so mentally consumed by it and will be mentally and emotionally free to enjoy making love with you, once again. I hope this helps, and good luck!

Answer 5

Since you already told him how you feel and yet nothing has changed, I suggest going to see a doctor about it. I don't know how old your husband is but it might be something medical related. I wouldn't jump to conclusions he's having an affair unless there are outright evidence but if this is the only problem, I suggest going in for a med check up just to rule that out.

Answer 6

Has he lost weight lately? Has he been purchasing new clothes lately? New hairstyle? New car? Running lots of errands? Going to the gym more lately? Whitened his teeth? If no to these questions.....has he been more worried about his job or his health? Erectile dysfunction?
If I did all the things that you have done for my hubbie, he'd be in heaven. So he can only be having an affair, deathly ill or deeply troubled by some bad business dealings. Again, my hubbie would probably be wanting some on his deathbed....lol.....and if he's p!##@% off from his job, he'd still have some, if I offered.....Goodluck!

Answer 7

Sounds like you've tried pretty much everything and no go.
Just a question, do you think he's cheating?
Usually when a man stops having sex with you it's because he's with someone else.
Not saying this is the case, just wondering.
Maybe he should see a doctor, there may actually be somthing wrong causing him to lose his sex drive, that has been know to happen as well.
Maybe there's something else bothering him that's interfering and he's too uncomfortable to talk to you about it.

Answer 8

Does he have high blood pressure or take any type of medicaton. Some medication will affect a persons sex drive. Don't have the affair.

Answer 9

I am having the same problem now myself. It hurts you to the core of yourself. My hubby also has a problem with PE and sex when it does happen only lasts a matter of minutes if not sec. I am hurt and saddened and relieved to know I am not alone...I am glad that you asked this question...

Answer 10

he might need some pill for it then again he just might probly don't want sex all the time but don't cheat on him i mean how would you feel if you didn't want to have sex and he decide to cheat on you there are other ways like sit him down and tell him how you feel about him not wanting sex and decide what be best for both of you guys....