We have been together for six months, but are very committed. We have already spoken of marriage. I'm 31, he's 34. He says he'd have to make too many changes, says he'd have to give up his job (he travels), sell his house (its not right to bring up a child, in his mind). Also, I do not have medical insurance, and he is concerned about the costs. He becomes furious everytime we discuss keeping our child. I did not plan this, it is not how I envisioned things, but since we have been blessed with a child, and I have strong feelings about not wanting an abortion, I just wish I could be excited about becoming a mother. He says he will support me, no matter what decision I make. I would really appreciate any feedback, to help me with this huge and difficult decision. Thank you.
2006-08-20 17:24:24 · 95 answers · asked by health bird 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
As somone who has had a miscarriage, if you don't feel right about abortion then do not go through with it. In my eyes you will feel similar feelings that I did--you will have lost a child that you didn't want to loose and you'll feel a lot of pain and guilt, etc.
Yes, it wasn't planned and there aren't IDEAL situations, but many children are born into situations that aren't perfect--honestly, when you look at every persons' life, there's usually SOME reason why it ''isn't the right time'' if you look hard enough.
If you want children and dont' have them already, you also need to think about your time-frame. How old do you want to be when you have children? If you pick an age less than ten years from now, do you really see a dramatic change in your life happening that would make it the PERFECT time to have a child?
Do not let your boyfriend pressure you to get an abortion if you don't feel right about it. The most important thing is that the child has a loving parent, which you can provide. All the 'costs' can be worked out. If you don't have insurance, get medicaid (sp) until you can afford insurance. Sure, you might get stuck with the doctor's visit costs and the labor fees, but that's a small price to pay for the life of your son or daughter.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
2006-08-20 17:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by April 3 · 9⤊ 0⤋
As many people here say to you, the decision is YOURS!!! But it is easier for the woman, because if a woman doesn't want the child, no matter what any man says she will not keep it and will go for an abortion. Men, on the other hand do not have this priviledge. And if they don't want that baby they get called all sorts of loosers and b*stards under the Sun. WHY? Is it not his God given right to oppose something like this? Just like it would be for you if you were in a different situation. Just think of yourself 10 years ago! Would you have wanted a child if a man was insisting that you had one? No!!! You would have thought that you are way too young for it. He might feel the same way. I'm not advising that you go immediately and get an abortion but what you both should have agreed on in the first place is how you felt about the idea of having kids. If one of you didn't want it then it would only be fair to use proper contraception. And believe me, there's no point using the good old 'but I've taken the pill' line because you will not keep that man with a baby, no matter what. Your man might say he'll stand by you and all that, but then he'll always resent you deep down for putting him through something he didn't want. Remember, men don't have the same freedom as us women, because at the end, it is our body and we have the final say in what happens... Be very wise in making whatever decision you'll make.
2006-08-20 23:24:36 · answer #2 · answered by Luvfactory 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should definitely keep your baby. I am 40 weeks pregnant (3 days overdue) and I also had to make a decision like this. The guy I was with drank heavily, and had all kinds of issues that I wasn't smart enough to find out beforehand. I wasn't going to take a child's life because of my own selfish ways, and I felt honored that God had chosen me to be a mother. At first I didn't even want the baby, but I knew if I kept it, eventually I would, and now I love it more than anything although I still have yet to see it. Having a baby is a wonderful feeling, and you should do what you feel in your heart you should do. God will help you in everything else if you believe. It can be discouraging at times, but I feel blessed that I have this chance, even though I will be a single mother, and I don't have all that much money. I feel that it will all turn out ok in the end. Oh, and for insurance, there should be places in your state that will help you get the medical attention you need without the cost. Usually a Planned Parenthood or something like that. Good Luck to you and congrats on the little Angel.
2006-08-20 17:38:06 · answer #3 · answered by HeavenLee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
50% of all births in the united states are medicaid or title 5 births meaning they had no insurance.
My husband travels all the time and I have 2 small children, many husbands do.
70% of black children live with just their mom and 20% have never met their father so if you live in separate houses thats ok too.
If people waited till they had enough money the never would. When I had my son I was making 12$. I continued to go to school while pregnant and now we are rich as sh*T. I never got help financially from parents. I cant imagine if I would have aborted my son now.
About the fights, you are the highest risk of homicide when you are pregnant. (statistically speaking) ask any domestic violence counciler. they dont want to pay child support or make changes or so forth.
If not know when.If you already talked about marriage then there should be no problem. The real test is to meet somewhere in public and say you are having this baby no mater what. If he says your done or acts violent or moves out then you know you wouldnt want to marry him anyways.
I was the biggest complainer about losser girls who didnt want to get married and have children until my own sister who was 39 and single got pregnant. I encouraged her to have a baby, and she has been living with the father for the past 3 years. He is the smartest baby you'll ever know unless you have one of your own.
I took a science class in which there was a baby fetus 15 weeks old. Believe me you are killing a human. Later I saw a 22 week fetus stillborn. Believe me its not just flesh but a human being. Just be safe, me can get very violent in this situation.
Also, you can always do like many others and give a wrong address or not pay the bill. Your 31! if not know when? Also bill clinton passed a law that pregnancy can not be a pre-existing condition so you can get insurance now and the birth must be covered. He can even call his current job and add you if you get married this month since its a "status" change. YOU are the same situation I was in years ago. Trust me, it will work out.
2006-08-20 17:49:48 · answer #4 · answered by circusdejojo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Many things in life are unplanned but still we go through them anyway. Its things like these that make us stronger and wiser. It is your body and you are right, the child is a blessing. Many have had abortions only to regret their decision in the end. Even those who had their children adopted have regrets sooner or later. The two of you went into the relationship with your eyes open, I suppose. It seems both of you (or at least you) are old enough to know the consequences of all your actions. Abortion is not the only way to handle this situation. No matter what they say it is still a life you will be terminating. He says he will support you no matter what decision you make. Keep it then. If it doesn't work out between the two of you, then at least you found out. Better late than never.
Many people wait until its too late to conceive. Many others keep trying without success and end up adopting. You have been blessed with a child that will be your very own. Don't miss this opportunity.
2006-08-20 18:12:24 · answer #5 · answered by camilledg127 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't 100 percent sure then DON"T do it. It sounds like your boyfriend is only looking out for his interests. He's not the one who has to live with the consequences, or the guilt. There will be guilt I can guarantee you, doesn't matter if you are pro choice or not. I have NEVER met a woman who within 10yrs hasn't started feeling horrible about the decision and wished she had done things differently.
Your boyfriend helped get you into this mess, so he has no right to be complaining about how it affects him.
I understand you love him, but can you really respect him, knowing how he feels about HIS child, and YOUR feelings?
If you do decide to keep the baby then what is he going to be there and be a total jerk the kids entire life? You have got to make the right decision for you and your baby. Its that simple. Just remember aside from the guilt, there are possible complications, including scaring that could prevent you from ever having a baby. If this was your last chance to be a mommy would that influence your decision? I know its not how you envisioned things, but things never work out the way you expect them to.
Just please if you aren't 100% sure thats what you want then don't do it!! Good luck!
2006-08-20 18:51:18 · answer #6 · answered by Chrissy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What do YOU want to do?
He is right about costs etc but maybe he should have thought about that before he had sex with you?
Six months isn't long. I had a child after being with someone for a short time and at a young age, the relationship didn't work out but I wouldn't give my daughter up for anything! She's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you feel you could to look after a child without him? I feel you should also think about whether this is the type of person you really want to be with long time? Where would your relationship be going? If you terminated the pregnancy would you end up hating him for it? But would you really want him to be the father of any child?
Feel free to message me if you want to chat.
2006-08-20 22:38:47 · answer #7 · answered by wendywitch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what's in your heart. I got pregnant at 20, thought about abortion, but decided against it. I felt my daughter moving around when I was three months pregnant, and I was so happy I didn't get an abortion. Plus, I know 3 women who've had abortions, two have regreted the decision for years, one keeps having them and is fine with it. It is your choice, not your boyfriend's, to make. He sounds like a jerk. Dump him and get the child support after the baby's born. Or, you could always give the baby up for adoption. Either way, it is YOUR CHOICE. Being a single mother is the hardest thing you will ever do, it is also, by far, the most rewarding thing you will ever do. But, do not keep the baby just to try to keep your boyfriend around. He will resent the baby and you for it, and you are 31, you probably already know never to depend on a man!
2006-08-20 17:40:45 · answer #8 · answered by Nicki Lee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say don't get an abortion because you don't feel it's right and for other reasons. The child has a right to live. You could either keep the child or put him/her up for adoption if you can't. There are many people out there in the world who would like to adopt a child. There's also the chance your child might make a positive difference in the world in the future.
You would miss out on a lot of joyful things in life with the child if you get an abortion. Sure there are lots of responsibilities that come with it, but they are worth having a child. It would be a good learning experience.
I'm only 15, so I don't have first hand experience. Judging by other peoples stories about having a child and actually playing with babies made me want to wait until I'm old enough to have one. I still know they can bring joy to everyones lives, and maybe even improve them. It can be hard work caring for the child, but in the end it's worth it. Don't listen to your boyfriend when he tells you to get an abortion.
There could be a lot more reasons to not get an abortion, but I can't think of them right now.
2006-08-20 17:38:40 · answer #9 · answered by Kenneth S 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Being pregnant so young is going to put your life in turmoil, I only say this because you've told me your mum in on disability allowance. This shows that your mom won't be able to support you well. You will have to take time away from school/college because you have a child. Child care is very expensive unless you can figure out someone to look after your child for you for free or for small amounts of money and still where will this money come from? If you are living in the UK you will get help with support allowances up until the age of 4/5 years. So in 5 years you'll be 18 yrs old. Your education might fail, you won't have any working references and nobody likes to employ people without strong working references. You have to think of what you have to offer a child, can you take them on holiday, can you afford your own place, a stable environment. Could you afford to send your child to activities. Could you feed them and clothe them. Babies aren't all cute and innocent.
2016-03-26 23:38:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋