How do you deal with a partner who doesn't want to discuss problems in a relationship?

Question

he abuses u emotionally and does not give explanations for his actions, just keeps mum and assumes everything is ok

Answer 1

Humility and compassion is an absolute must on both sides. You can pray for him. Pray with him. Work with him to change, and plead with him. As well as doing all those things for yourself. The easiest answer is always just to leave him, but that is rarely the best answer. If this is a really serious relationship, like a marraige then you should do everything in your power (which includes all of the above) to help him become the great, loving man he can be. If it is just boyfriend/girlfriend, then you should not be as strict with yourself about staying, (unless you have a child with him).

Answer 2

Why should he give you an explanation? You've allowed him to treat you this for so far, why should he change? Honey, people treat you how you allow them to treat you. I'm not saying it to be mean, I'm saying it because it's true whether you want to admit it or not. I have a sister in your same situation. She's been with this man for three years and when something is wrong, it's her that has to make the changes to accomodate him, and if she doesn't, he literally takes things away from her. (keys to the car, cell phone, etc.) I tell her time and time again what she needs to do and she won't. So I"m going to give you some advice and hope you're smarter than my sister. Guys like this have been brought up to keep emotions to themselves. To reach them, is like playing a mind game of hit and miss. You know your man better than any of us, so you know what buttons to push and what he is okay to talk about. The key is to get him talking about anything....everyday life stuff...nothing big, nothing serious. Then once, he's talking throw in a small comment about something that is bugging you and ask him what he thinks. If he's talking already, he won't be able to shut down. You have to take baby steps with this. You can bombard him with everything all at once. This takes time. As for the emotional abuse issue...that's a little different. If you really love this man and have the frame of mind where you are hell bent on making it work, then that too is going to have be thrown into the mix with the communication thing. If it doesn't start to work, or it intesifies, start doing things on your own. You said he doesn't like to discuss problems right? Well then create one that he is going to have to discuss...such as leading your own life for awhile. Make him realize what he had and what he's done to make it go bad. IF he starts asking questions...he opened the door for you to start working this out. And if he doesn't, well then, I'm sorry to say, he probably never will love you like you deserve to be loved and it would be time to consider your other options. I wish you well.

Answer 3

Been there. Still there. My husband thinks that discussing means arguement. The thing is, your partner doesn't think that your relationship is in trouble. When you bring something up, he will think that you are the problem and not him. I spent the first 3 years of my marriage condemning myself as I can't make things work out.

You need to ask yourself if the problems are that big that you need to stress yourself over all that. Focus on the bigger picture. Weigh out your pros and cons. If your problems are really huge, you might want to consider getting out of the relationship. Remember, you are the most important person to yourself. Do not get a mental breakdown for someone else. It's not worth it.

Answer 4

You let them know that everything isn't ok and that if they aren't going to change or work towards change then you aren't going to stick around to keep being abused. Tell him you want both of you to start attending marriage counseling, if he refuses then you have a choice to make - you can either stay and hope things get better or you can leave.
I'd say to try everything you can do get things moving in the direction of change, but if he isn't interested then you either deal with it or do the extreme and leave him.

Answer 5

He isnt much of a man if he doesnt discuss things with you. The only way to make things work is you two talk about problems and things in the relationship

Answer 6

I completing UNDERSTAND!!!! Try to sit down and talk to him about everything. Maybe, print some info up about relationships and what it takes to make one work, and what makes one abusive maybe he doesn't even realize what he does. And when it comes back just remind him of the info you found. Hopefully he will realize what he is doing, and if you just can't take it anymore, ask him to seek help or get out. Good luck.

Answer 7

Get professional help for yourself. That will help you make good decisions about what it right for you.

You cannot help anyone but yourself. You can't control what someone else does, thinks, or feels. You can only control how you react to it.

As you begin to make changes, it may trigger changes in your partner. Even if it doesn't, at least you will grow stronger.

Emotional abuse may lead to physical abuse as the cycle of violence escalates.

GET HELP NOW!!!!!

Answer 8

Look at what you're asking. do you want to be with this partner? emotionally abusive, emotionally unavailable, and doesn't wants to improve on this situation. Are you better off with him or without? good luck, dear.

Answer 9

This is something that is going on with me also ,,I wish I could help but the only thing I see that anyone can do is if you two are not married just go on with your life(Me) and let him lives his I think that this is his way of saying I don't want you any more so leave .

Answer 10

The only reliable way to not have a partner who doesn't discuss problems in a relationship is:

don't date men.

I know, cause I am one.