I just found out yesterday that my husband of 10 years is having an affair How do I move on I am crushed?

Question

I have 9 year old twins and a mountain of bills Why do they do this to us I am 220 lbs and she is 100 he says it is not about that but is it

Answer 1

Well if you ask him he might give you many reason's why . and none of them won't make the hurt and pain you feel any better.if i where you and i am not . but i would worry about myself and my kid's and let him go . you and your kid's deserve so much better, i don't think your weight really does have alot to do with him cheating . some married people cheat with other people who weigh more than there spouse's do . but by all means if it makes you feel better about yourself .start getting some exercise and eat healthy and lose the weight for you ,not for your husband or anyone else. and go to counseling and you will start to feel better about yourself and your life. take care and be good to yourself.

Answer 2

Slowly but surely. I found out the same thing about my husband 4.5 months ago. I am 38 and his new girlfriend is 27! We have an eight year old son. I have been trying to understand why my husband (now my ex) did what he did. He told me he was not happy. The problem was he thought it was my responsibility to make him happy. He was not interested in working at the relationship because that meant he would actually have to take responsibility for his own actions - he took the easy road. New relationships are easy. I am thinking your husband is doing the same thing - two children and a mountain of bills. It is hard to have fun when you are dealing with that. The fact that you are 220 lbs is irrelevant. He is looking for the easy way out and what better way then to go out with some skinny wench to make you doubt your self worth. Do not let him do that to you. Stay strong - You deserve better.

Answer 3

Hello there ! I am terribly sorry to hear this; you must feel awful.

Well, here are some questions you might have asked yourself and your husband; how long has he been cheating ? Has it been one person, or multiple women/men ? What do you think caused him to be unfaithful ? How did you find out about this ? Have you been sexually active with him while he's been sleeping with the other person/people ? Now that you have this information; what do you plan to do, realistically ? Can you forgive him ? Aside from murder and/or castration, what would you like to do ?

So now the poop is on the table, and it's not pretty; so what can you do ? With hard work, your marriage might be repaired, It will not be easy; it will most likely get worse before it gets better. Marital counseling is a great and important option ; however, it takes the both you to be willing to make it work...

For better or for worse; however, worse means really, really bad ... what level of education, or job do you have ? I ask this question because if you're thinking about seperating/divorcing him , can you support yourself and the twins ? Is it possible that you stay with him until you secure a good paying job ( with benefits, of course ), or complete your education , then split ?

You should make a plan for yourself, as far as what to do if he continues to be unfaithful.

I think it's also in your best interest to be seen by a Physician to rule out ( God willing ) any venereal diseases.
You have many different choices to make; none of them easy.

And if for whatever reason the marital counseling doesn't work; seek out a therapist for your own emotional and mental well being; you will need to vent and it's the therapists job to help you resolve any issues you might have; be as honest as possible when speaking with him/her.

You MUST start doing things for yourself, put those cookies down, and go for a walk instead ; trust me, I speak from experience, I've been married for nine years, and I'm also going through an awful period myself...

Get in shape girl, you owe it to yourself, and it'll bring your energy up; you'll need it you have alot of things to do...

My heart goes out to you; you must feel betrayed, and trapped. I will pray for you, ok ?

Go get started on that plan girl.

Answer 4

There can be many reasons and he may not even know why he did it. It could be he feels neglected if you give the kids lots of attention. It could be he needs an ego boost and she gives it to him while you take him for granted. It could be he feels overwhelmed by the bills and wants a new start. It's hard to tell.
The important thing is to decide do you want to try holding the marriage together (does he?)? Do you want to start fresh? He'll be obligated to help with the bills that the two of you have, plus he'll have to provide child support. If you're already in debt, it won't be easy to support two households.
Counseling can help you sort it all out or join a group of widowed and divorced people. Start saving some money if you can, as getting a divorce costs money.
It's rough, but eventually you will get over the hurt feelings and make a new life for yourself.

Answer 5

I am so, so sorry for what you're going through right now. My first bit of advise would be make no decisions while you're this upset. You're crushed, you have the right to be. See a counselor or someone you trust for advise on how best to proceed, and help you get over the hurt. Is your husband wanting to stay or leave you? Don't worry about the mountain of bills, those belong to both of you, he'll have his share of them as well, regardless of if he stays with you or not. I can't tell you if the affair was because of your weight, usually affairs are a symptom of something much worse than "my wife gained some weight." If he's cheating on you because he feels you're too fat, then he's a shallow, selfish SOB and you're better off without him. Please take care of yourself through all this, and your boys, they're worried as well. Best of luck to you, I wish the best for you and your boys.

Answer 6

Talk Talk and see whats in ur heart. UR weight is no excuse to cheat. U need to calm down and talk to him about this lady he is seeing. I would say leave but i dont know. I am married and i dont know what i would do. I been married 14 years and I don;t think i would let mine husband go with out a fight. I am overweight also but was not when i got married i was 95 lbs back then but i still feel sexy, Follow ur heart and take one day at a time. Email me if u wanna talk.

Answer 7

First of all if you need a friend email me [e-mail].I've been married almost 15 yrs.10 yrs is a long time.I know you still love him.There is not a market out there for an overweight woman with kids(I know I am one)If he is willing to stop seeing this woman try to reconcile.I am not saying you should take his crap.(I'm thinking of your children)If he is not then, you need to stop thinking about his welfare,he's not thinking of yours and your kids.He is probably going through some identity crisis.Men are very selfish sometimes.They just want some shallow skinny woman who makes them feel good about themselves. What comes around goes around.There are exceptions you know.I cheated once on my husband and thank god he forgave me when I came to my senses, I never did it again, nor will I ever again.

Answer 8

He is not considering the vows he took 10 years ago. SHAME ON HIM!
Who cares about your weight? That isn't a reason to leave someone!
My hubby reached 400 pounds a year after we got married. I didn't leave him for gaining a hundred pounds.
He ended up having renal failure and all the weight was poisons. I stuck by his side, just like I promised in my vows. He is disabled for life, and neither one is perfect in anyway.

You know what I would do? Show him what he is missing out on. But, don't let him come back, the jerk!

Answer 9

I went through this same thing, only after 21 years, and I lost 80 pounds and he is still with that skinny little crank whore and that's ALL he's got, another couple weeks and he'll be sitting in jail for not paying child support. I have a good job, support our child and myself, have a neat guy in my life, and believe me when I first found out I thought I would die, BUT, nothing happens in God's world by mistake. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. You will get through it. Be strong for your kids. God Bless.

Answer 10

seriously your weight has nothing to do with it. men sometimes just wonder....... but dont stay with him because u are not happy with yourself. he cheated thats all that matters. if the bills are in both your names than he has to pay 1/2 of them dont pay anything on them until the divorce is final and as far as the kids go . they will adjust . dont know the whole story but if there is fighting in the marraige than the kids will be happier with u two apart been divorced twice . first husband cheated. and he never changed he still cheats . kids are better off with parents who dont live to gether if there if fighting . do whats best for the kids. but dont have sex with your husband again with out a condom. dont want to catch anything.