When we first meet 9 yrs ago, he couldn't keep his hands off me. Now he will not start the act, but if I start it he is all over it in 2 mins and done in 1. What is up. What can I do. I am tried of being the one to start the act and tired of doing all the work. Help this poor soul, I am turning 30 and need more and want more.
2006-08-20 15:18:26 · 15 answers · asked by melissa s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's like reading my own story!!! When we got together 10 years ago, it was 2 or 3 times a day...now I'm lucky if it is 2-3 times a month. I think men just go downhill and we don't get to that point til later. I have decided that I just have to "take" what I want. I have gone out and got some play toys, that helps start things once in a while. Cockrings help keep it up til your happy. I wish there were some miracle answer, but don't think there is. Talk Sex With Sue on the Oxygen channel has some good ideas, you can also visit their website....get some ideas. (its just talksexwithsue.com). good luck...we are in the same boat...hope it keeps floating...
2006-08-20 16:14:52 · answer #1 · answered by monkeedee2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey TomWins,
What happened to your prediction? Instead it turned into the "Boston Drive-By" ("Boston Massacre" is already taken, '78).
"Will the Red Sox Make It to the Postseason?
TomWin's answer:
Of coarse they will. Not only will they make it, they will win there division. They are already gaining on the yanks again. They play the Yanks this weekend 5 games at Fenway. They will win all or most of these games and be ahead of those dam Yankees again. Then they will stay on top till they win the World Series again!
Mmm..hmm.... Don't worry, I'm not a Yankees fan. But I am an A's fan and I can't wait till we meet you guys next week in Oakland!!! We're up 4-3 in the season series right now. I predict the Red Sox will sweep us 3-0. (I don't want to do what you did: "We're going to beat the Yankees in all or most of those games and be ahead of the dam [sic] Yankees again.") Btw, "damn" has an "n" at the end! =D
2006-08-22 21:03:07 · answer #2 · answered by ♣Tascalcoán♣ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it's a normal sequence of events for married people. First you start out hot and heavy then a few years later it's like you describe. Fortunately there is good news. You could start be talking to him about your ideas and concerns. You may need to take the lead again, but it could be well worth it. Also, there are some bedroom secrets that you could do with him that will excite him and get him interested in you again. I have some ideas, Good Luck
2006-08-20 23:42:52 · answer #3 · answered by marks3kids 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well passions heat and cool and heat again if you are in a relationship long enough. I've been married over thirty years, and there have been periods during that where there was not as much interest by one or the other of us, and periods where it was just too hot to handle.
If you want more interest, try something new, out of the ordinary. Work at it a bit. It's been my experience that you can rekindle interest with a little imagination.
2006-08-20 22:32:18 · answer #4 · answered by anonymourati 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it the first thing people think is that the other one is cheating?
Talk with your GP and let him know what is going on with your husband .. it could be medical .. infact to me it sounds like he might be suffering from a very low sex drive at present ...which would explain why your the one who always has to start thing ... talk him into going to the doctors ASAP ... it could not only save your relationship but his life as well ....
Men with diabetes are at a higher risk of impotence, especially if the diabetes is not well controlled. Men or women who notice a change in sexual functioning should consult their doctor to determine the cause and discuss treatment options.
I wish you both the best of luck and health
2006-08-20 22:45:30 · answer #5 · answered by MrsDave 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably thinking about someone else. That does not mean he's cheating on you. A lot of couples go thru this. Have you thought about going to a sex doc? It might help. My wife and I went thru this stage and I was always thinking about other women. The doc told me that every time I look at or think about another woman to think about my wife. Now I can't keep my hands off of her.
2006-08-20 22:30:27 · answer #6 · answered by iamiandme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't think I'd jump to the conclusion that he's having an affair. (I saw that in one of the responses to your question.)
The answer to your question is yes. Every couple experiences those times. But what you don't describe is what might be contributing to this.
Are there small children that keep the two of you up nights? Maybe there are excessive responsibilities at work right now or with aging parents that just literally saps all the life out of him.
It is very, very easy in any marriage to get caught up in the drudgery of day to day tasks...grocery stores, bill paying, mowing the lawn, running the errands...on and on it goes. And if you let it, it can sap you physically, but it can also take a toll on a relationship.
Things can become dull and people can lose touch with each other. And what you describe can also be an indicator of two people drifting apart, so it would pay to get to the bottom of this.
Start off small. If he's under alot of pressure, then do something simple and non-sexual like giving him a back or foot rub when he comes home at night. Be attentive to his needs. Try to get him out away from the house doing the sort of things you used to enjoy when you dated. If that was going to movies or bowling or whatever..the main thing is to have some special time together with no demands, no expectations.
Here's a secret in the sisterhood: What men want more than anything isn't what you have to offer in the bedroom. It's respect. Look for ways to show your thoughtfulness and understanding for him. Be his friend for awhile, instead of a lover. Help him the best way you know how. But make no demands for yourself....again, just be a friend and show him LOTS of respect.
Remember how it was when the two of you first got together? Wasn't that pretty much how it was? You looked for ways to please him and didn't expect much more than just enjoying each other's company for awhile. And look how well that worked out then.
No reason it can't work out that way now. And if his eye HAS wandered to someone else, following the formula I just gave you is practically guaranteed to keep everything else from wandering too.
If your budget will allow, see if he'll agree for a get-away. Even if it's just for a weekend. Find a relaxing place where the food and entertainment are good and there are no responsibities to tie the two of you down. And just go to have fun! Don't worry about the sex. If you make time for the two of you to pay attention to each other again without all the demands and responsibility, then I think the rest will take care of itself.
And in the meantime, do what you can to keep yourself up too. I hate to sound so superficial, but it's also easy for a wife to let herself go over time. Although a sound marriage is built on far more than the physical, you do send a strong message about how you feel about YOURSELF when you let things start to go. If you've put on a few pounds, start taking better care of yourself. If you need a new haircut and/or color, a manicure, clothes that are more attractive than faded sweatpants and an oversized shirt, then go out and do it. Confidence is extremely sexy, and taking good care of yourself sends an irrefutable message to him that he's with someone worthwhile. We don't like to think about it this way, because we want our spouses to accept us unconditionally. But that's a cold hard fact as well.
That pretty much covers the spectrum. Only you can determine what stage of the game you're at (whehter it's just too many irons in the fire or his home fires are starting to burn somewhere else) but I've given you a nearly fool-proof formula for correcting the situation.
And ya know, once you get things back on track where you want them, be sure to practice keeping it that way. Don't stop dating. Don't stop doing things together just for fun. Don't put undue demands and expectations on each other.....after all, life is pretty hard out there. It takes alot of work to keep those home fires burning where they belong...but it is well worth it!
Good luck -
2006-08-20 23:43:45 · answer #7 · answered by CassandraM 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're hitting a lull in your relationship. This is very common. Is he on a new medication that could affect his libido? The best thing to do is to sit down and talk about it. It will get better if you both work at it.
2006-08-20 22:52:28 · answer #8 · answered by what the heck? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not all go though this. But yes, we are, but it's my wife who doesn't want the it. I am tied of being the one to start it also. Yes I feel your pain. I am 42, Same here, need more, want more.
2006-08-22 01:02:20 · answer #9 · answered by tm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Scary - he was at his peak when you met and now you're at yours while he's far down the other side of that hill. Focus on the foreplay and stretch things out that way to express your desires. Talk it out with him as well.
2006-08-20 22:45:08 · answer #10 · answered by Ketel One Up 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋