I Have A Serious Delimma....Serious and Thoughtful Responses Only, Ignorance and Stupidity Will Be Reported!?

Question

I'm pregnant (Yay for Me!!) but I'm having an issue. Many people in my life are telling me I'm not ready for a child (I'm 21 still in school and live at home). Especially my mother. This is seriously hurting her because she thinks that I'll ruin my life and my chances if I have this child. I don't want to have an abortion, due to many fears, however, I've thought about the fact that I may bring a child into this world unprepared. I can't really afford it, even though I do have some supportive people in my life willing to help, and the father wants to have nothing to do with me or the child. I'm VERY confused and would like some insight or advice. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me I'm going to hell because I brought up abortion, but simply for some advice or a little guidance. I do believe in God and I have prayed about it, but there is still much to worry about.

THANK YOU!!

Okay...more details according to some of the answers I've gotten. I wrote yay for me because when I found out, I was TRUELY excited and happy about it, but as more and more people told me I shouldn't do it, it lowered my confidence levels some. Next, I've only missed one period. When I went to the doctor on August 1, I was 5 weeks in accordance to my last period.

Thank you for the people who have responded and gave me honest and helpful insight!!

Answer 1

we are never prepared.i thought i was...but the rules change.i had my first child at 22 yrs. i had a premie at 26 weeks.people told me negative things.and her dad could have kids...now he is married with 2 daughters...i guess if you are loving,caring,willing to learn and take positive advice(from your pediatrician,schools,etc.)you and your child can grow together.i never have enough money and i have a second child born at 36 weeks still a premie...the last two pregnancies i lost...i often wonder what if and still find myself crying and its been 5 years.my daughters are 11 and 7 we have done ok so far...but they are my purpose in life to better myself.i cant afford to spoil them with things just my love protection and time...no matter what you do...do it for yourself for now and your future god will help you...he has me.i hoped i have helped you.

Answer 2

Just because you asked this question doesn't mean you are immature or unprepared. Plenty of people older than you have asked the same question. (Including me)

I am wondering how much longer you will be in school? That can have a lot to do with it. Yes many people do drop out of school when they are pregnant, yet many go on to complete their education. I do think that counseling would be a good idea. Pregnancy can be stressful no matter what the situation.

This is such a hard question with lots of thought needed. You are not very far along, and there is plenty of time to think about things. Keep your options open.

By the way... there are very few people who are prepared to bring a baby into the world. I am almost 30, and 8 months pregnant with my 3rd child and everyday I wonder if I am 'prepared' to bring this baby into the world. No I'm not, but it is going to be here soon anyway.

To sum it up.. take your time to make a decision (this is a biggie), no one is totally prepared for a baby, and try and find some counseling. (Personally I think you could do it!!)

Answer 3

A child is a gift from God! I think everyone goes thru a period of wondering if your doing the right thing for thierselves and for thier unborn child. Dont give up on the unborn baby. I believe that God gave you this gift for a reason! Once that baby is here you will see that the baby can bring you more joy than you ever thought it could. A baby tends to bring everyone together. All the questions and doubts will deminish once you and all your friends and family see that new born face! Not everyone can afford to take care of a baby but I guarentee you because I have been there that you will find a way to care of this baby. You will do anything possible to take care of your baby! I think that 21 is a perfectly fine age to take care of a baby. You took on a responsibility making this baby and so certainly you must have enough responsibilty to take care of this baby. It sounds as if you have a good support system that is will to help you and the baby. Just dont give up. No matter what other people say, once you see that little baby that is apart of you you will understand the meaning of a gift from GOD! Yes a child can change your life in many ways but a child will NEVER Ruin your life.

Answer 4

You appear to be a very thoughtful and insightful person who's made a mistake. That mistake was in not using protection - but that's water under the bridge.

You have the option, of course, of having the baby and trying to raise it yourself while still trying to complete your education and land a decent job. I suspect you already realize how hard that will be, even given the fact that there are people willing to help. Yes, it can be done. But were I you, I'd look long and hard at the level of help you can realistically expect from those others. Baby and you will both need financial help, and lots of it if education beyond high school is your goal. You will need to contact a lawyer about financial support from the child's father. I know exactly how much of a headache that can be, but hon, failing to go after that support is failing your child. It's neglect, and it can really come back to bite ya in the behind,

Another option, if abortion is out of the question for you (and I don't give a f*ck what the d*mn fundies say, it is YOUR choice) is to have the child and give it up for adoption. That is not nearly as traumatic as you might expect, and a whale of a lot easier if you make sure it's done through a state-certified agency that will keep the identity of the adoptive parent(s) concealed from you. No, it will not be a case of "out of sight, out of mind", but it will make the adjustment a whole heck of a lot easier.

Good luck. You do have a little time to think it over. Me, or my daughter, I'd say adoption. But it is YOUR choice; don't let others force you do do what you don't feel is right. And next time - aw, I shouldn't have to say it, but I will - make sure you know the guy is decent enough to live up to his obligations next time you get horizontal without protection! That means no - aw hell, you know what it means.

Answer 5

First of all, I think your mother is in shock. You will have to give her some time. This is not what she expected of you, especially since you have been going to college. Next, you have to be really honest with yourself. Do you want this child? I f you decide to keep this child your family will help you in any way they can, I'm sure. If you decide to give it up, that will be supported also. Now think hard. Are you ready for feeding a newborn every 3 to 4 hours for awhile after birth? Making formula or breastfeeding? Colic? Diaper rashes? Constipated baby? Fevers? Teething? Diapers!!!!!!!?????????? Then crawling and getting into everything? Walking and gettting into more things? Playing in the toilet? Then on down the line is potty training--and that is always an experience? Screaming and crying? Biting? Always fnding somethign to put in their mouth that will scare the crap out of you. It can be very overwhelming. I have two boys 9 and 4 and I love them dearly. I was 21 when I had my first and I had preeclampsia. I was on bedrest for 6 weeks. The last 2 1/2 in the hospital. So the whole thing was hard. But I've done it and I know you can if you want to. Because the kids are always worth everything you go thru for them. They are my precious gifts from God. I'm so thankful for every smile and laugh. That is what makes it all worthwhile. Good Luck, really.

Answer 6

I was 20 when i got pregnant and had my beauthiful daughter 4 days before i turned 21. My parents weren't very happy either but they will get over it. Be strong for your self and for your child. Do not have an abortion if you do not want it!! You can not be pushed into having one or you will really regret it later. Financially it will he hard but many people get through it with barely anything at all. You can still go to school and still have a baby. Going to school with help you support your child when it really counts. The bare essentials now are the beginning of a great future for both you and you child. Believe me, your child will not hold it against you if you are out bettering your future and your child's future!! I thought the same thing about being unprepared both mentally and financially but I just knew that anything I did now was going to have to be for my daughter. You will feel the same down the road. I raise my daughter alone, work and still have some fun. You can do that too!! You just need to realize that once you have this baby that you will never know something that could make you happier in your life. If you need to talk more just email me: [e-mail]. Good Luck,

Answer 7

You need to stop worrying. It isn't good on you or the baby. Take care of yourself.
If YOU dont want the baby, then think of adoption. THere are so many people that want to adopt babies but there just aren't that many babies because teenagers are keeping there babies now a days. NOW, if you are unsure about it all and might want to keep your baby, then don't listen to anyone that has anything negative to say to you. You are 21 years old. It's not like your some little kid that can't take care of a child. It might delay somethings in your life, like school. But that is only when you will be in the hospital and a few months afterwards. Then you can continue on with school. Just because your having a baby doesn't mean you will be held back.
When it comes to your mom situation, I think once you start to really show she will change her mind about the baby and may get excited about it. Try to include her in the doctor appointments and especially when you get to find out what the sex of the baby is. I think she will eventually come around. She is just in shock right now and knows how hard it is going to be on you in the beginning.
Don't give up on your mom totally. She maiy surprise you and be supportive later on. At least I hope so.
Don't do anything you will regret.
Think about adoption. Have the baby, and look at your baby after you diliver and then decide if you want to give it up for adoption. Im pretty sure once you look into the face of your angel, you will never want to let your baby go.

Answer 8

If you don't want or believe in an abortion then you have two other options, adoption or raising this child. If you, yes YOU don't think you are ready for a child and don't think you can give it the life that it deserves then I'd suggest adoption. If you have a good support system, it may be possible for you to continue school and have a baby at the same time. It will be hard but people do it all the time. Take in everyone's concern and advice and make your own decision. Good luck!

Answer 9

Girl...don't worry about not being able to support this baby. You will find a way. Trust me. I had my son at 18 with no father. My family was very upset at first about me being pregnant, just like yours. But, of all the people who I thought would help me, my parents had been the most helpful. I now have a very happy and healthy 3 year old boy, who has everything he needs. There are also programs out there, such as WIC (women, infants, and children), Food Stamps, Welfare, etc.. that are willing to help you out. You could get on Medicaid to help with hospital bills and doctors appointments. You know more than anyone that you want this baby. I can tell by what you have written. Just keep in mind that people do this everyday. Raise a baby as a single parent, not knowing how they will support it, but end up making the right decisions. You may have to do without quite a bit for the baby, but it is worth it. I am now 21, and expecting my 3rd child. I am married now. See, I found a man willing to take my son in. You can too. My suggestion is to not look for a daddy, but look for a man for yourself, and let them know from the beginning that if they want you that they must accept your child too! Odds are, they help you take care of all the needs of your child. Good luck, and if you think you can do it, you can!!! I am one of MANY young women who have!!

Answer 10

Go to a doctor and get a check up, make sure everything is ok. If you feel you are too young to raise a child right now, then carry the child and talk to a reputable adoption agency in the surrounding area where you live. Give your baby to a good family. You can meet them and have plenty of contact with the future parents so that you wont be worried about how your child will be raised. If you don't want to meet the future parents, you can always register your name on a web site for kids that want to locate their birth parents when they turn 18. Maybe by then you'll be ready to meet with your child also. There are so many good people out there that desperately want a child. Please give this some thought. Good Luck

Answer 11

If you don't want an abortion, then don't get one. But perhaps talk to someone at an abortion clinic so maybe you can address your fears & maybe they can answer questions you might have. If you are unprepared & still want to have the baby then maybe you should consider adoption? Many couples are looking for a baby to adopt. You could even have a hand in choosing the adoptive parents if you go through certain agencies. If you have the baby yourself, you might have to drop out of school. You'd have to work very hard, would have little or no money (due to baby supplies), & you would be exhausted. However, you could do it on your own.

But I would suggest going to Planned Parenthood, an abortion clinic, or an adoption agency to research what is the best thing. Remember-its not just you that you are thinking about...its more about the baby & the life it will have.