How do you cope with the pain when you find out your fiance is a married man?

Question

It's been a week that I found out that my fiance of 2 years was a married man for 3 years with 1 child. I have walked away from the situation and just hurts me so much this pain that I have. It's hard to deal with it because not only am I in pain but we work together at a night job....I was so content with him, he would tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and how he would tell me every night how much he loved me. We talked about the wedding and how he wanted a child and we were trying. I didn't know nothing, he had lied about what he did for a living. Everyone around him was in on it and knew he was married. I feel disgusted and ashamed of what I have done. I was so good to him, he would come to the house every night to sleep over, he would tell his wife that the night job he had ran into 7 in the morning. The wife has found out and she's dealing with her own pain. I know time will heal my pain but will I ever trust again? I don't think I will. I need advice.

I'm new at this yahoo thing & wasnt sure how to answer. Anyways hope this works. I thank you all that have replied, this has definetely been the worse for me. I felt that I was alone but guess I'm not. It's horrible that some of these go around doing such things and play with women's emotions. To answer to a few a you. Well I did have a conversation with the wife, she found out through me. It was a number that kept coming up on the bill and I called it because it was at times he said he was working. She answered and she said told me she was the wife and then from all days, that day was her birthday. I told it all to her and told her about the other women as well that he would go and meet in the middle of the night. He actually called this morning, this was a work related question & I heard his daughter in the background, it broke my heart. I will leave the job because this communication we're having is not working for me. I cannot distress how much i'm hurting gotta take it day by day

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for what happened to you...and i understand your pain...

listen, don't feel disgusted and ashamed of anything...you didn't do anything wrong...you didn't know hat he was married..and when you knew you walked away....you have made the right choices and he was the one who is wrong....he is the one who should be ashamed and disgusted of himself...

One day you will find someone who will love you more than everything...and you will trust him cause he "deserves" to be trusted...

Be proud of yourself girl, you did the right thing by walking away! And i know it will be hard to heal...but eventually you will...and you will find someone who is truly for "you" only...

Good luck...and email me if you need someone to talk to...

Answer 2

First let me say I am SOOO sorry this has happened to you. Second, you should NOT feel ashamed. HE should. He was and is a lying SOB without a heart or conscience. One thing you can be greatful for is that you never WERE married to him or with a child of his. As an ex-wife to a lying cheating SOB, I can tell you that after 15yrs of marriage, finding out your so called "faithful" spouse has been lying for years, hits home hard. I am not diminishing your pain or loss at all, but maybe it will help knowing you can start fresh. His wife has even more to deal with. There is no easy answer or magic phrase to ease the pain involved in this kind of deception. Time will help though. If you work with him I would find another job. If his friends knew all this and said nothing, they were either idiots or confused as to what to say to him. My friends (after my divorce) came to me with so many stories of infidelity about my ex. When I asked why they waited, they said they felt uncomfortable about approaching him or me.

Just know that this doesn't make you any less of a good person. It will take time to trust again, but you will. Surround yourself with people who love and trust you, friends and family, now. Focus on you for the next several months. Don't think about dating. Think about feeling better. Small steps. Do things that make you happy. And remember that this is a grieving process. Some days you'll feel better and then a couple of months from now a memory will arise and you'll feel blue again. It's OK. It's normal. But if you strive to be the best you yoiu can be...strong, self-confident, happy....then when you meet the next man in your life (and you will) you be strong enough to recognize a loser from a winner. As an added note: for me, comedy movies and shows helped get me through the day. Laughter is a great medicine. And on that note...I believe in Karma and Karma is alive and well. This SOB of yours will get his in the future BIG TIME. (My ex did! The slut he left me for stayed with him for 3yrs. He went to "pop the question", when she left him for someone else!! KARMA! HAHAHA!) Hope this helped in some way or at least made you smile for a moment. Hang in there!!

Answer 3

That's extremely hard to answer. Being engaged is a very big commitment and it's horrible that he didn't take it (or his marriage) seriously. Don't feel ashamed. You had no idea! His friends are just as bad if they knew about it and didn't say anything.

With a situation like this, it seems impossible to ever get over it, but you will. It just takes lots and lots of time. Would talking to the wife help you? Maybe you wouldn't feel so bad and you guys can compare notes. This might make you even more angry with him, helping you move on. Overall, it just takes time. Hang in there. I'm starting to trust men less and less......

Answer 4

Wow, that's deceit at its finest. The first thing you need to do is find a new job. Seriously, you cannot work at the same place as him or it will be a constant reminder of the hurt. In the meantime, don't accept any calls, emails, visits, nothing from him. You will trust again, but give your emotional wounds time to heal. Good luck.

Answer 5

You have to cut all ties with him.I have just experienced the same thing..I was with him for 14 months and found out he was married,had 2 children.To make matters worse..found out that he was seeing another girl too!So out of spite..i dropped the bomb on her..told her everything..i wasn't gonna let it happen again to someone else.I have considered contacting is wife..not sure if i should..this is all still confusing to me.He has attempted to contact me several times..i wont answer the phone to him.I do believe that everyone deserves someone that loves them as much as they love that person..and should be able to give them self to that person completely...especially if ur talking about marriage!Best of luck to you..you will love again...just like everything in life..we have to take the good with the bad!!!

Answer 6

hunny, i understand how u sense different than while i develop into going to get married, he have been given locked up. i understand u say no one will sense such as you bc they never had ur love or never been interior the right 2nd bc they simply dont understand hun,i'm soo sorry to pay attention your tale, it is going to bypass it ought to even take years even with the shown fact that it is going to i understand that ur love is long previous yet they are ppl accessible, i assume gods plans for you develop into to no longer marry him , u will discover yet another, i promise, merely keep ur head held severe and desire for the superb, maybe that's superb to think of approximately him bc in case you dont think of approximately him the memories wil com and are available decrease back, merely enable ur emotins bypass, cry, its ok, u merely elect time, and dont enable all of us tell u diffrnet.. u will b ok, no longer now yet finally, desire i helped. solid success hun :D

Answer 7

Just move on and be glad that you are not in his wife shoes.

Answer 8

yes hon, you'll heal, and survive, AND love again. Probably the next time around, you'll be more cautious, etc, but it'll happen! welcome to the real world!